Konoha Dating Agency
by Rizember
Summary: On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start a dating agency with a 'One date only' policy... humor, romance, sasunaru
1. Chapter 1

**Konoha Dating Agency**

by Rizember

**Summary**: On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start an agency where they offer "the most romantic date you'll ever have" with a 'one date only' policy...

Humour, romance...sasunaru

**for mugen noa and cottonrobin**

**Beta'd by: **[Un-Beta'd]

"Naruto...I think you've been robbed."

The blonde walked into the house behind the pinkette and stared at the bare room in surprise.

"Really? What did they take?"

Sakura turned to look at him dryly, "I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say they took your furniture."

"Well, that would be pretty hard considering my stuff's at Kiba's."

"Ah..._why_?"

"It's my ingenious anti-robbery plan. I mean, just think how frustrated thieves would get when they arrive all excited and ready to steal and find 

_nothing_..."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "What's your stuff _really _doing there?"

Naruto chuckled, "It was a dare."

"What? _Again_?"

Naruto shrugged and walked into the kitchen, "Come on, it's all in good fun. Besides, his place _is _pretty big..."

Sakura sighed, "You're my best friend so I'll say this kindly... You're an idiot."

Naruto rolled his eyes at her. "Blame Gaara. It _was_ his dare."

"What exactly did it involve?"

"Moving my stuff to Kiba's then having Hinata tell us where to put it all for a whole twelve hours... You'd think she wouldn't get that into it..."

Sakura smirked, "Well, she _is_ a woman."

Naruto sighed, "Yeah but still..._twelve hours_? By the end, she'd called Ino for help and couldn't reach you cause your phone was off so instead

hired a feng-shui master. It was _torture._ The lamps had to face a 37 degree angle for maximum yin."

"Lamps have faces?"

"Apparently."

Sakura bit back a laugh as Naruto pulled out a box of cereal.

"Cereal again?"

He just shrugged in answer.

Sakura sighed, "What's the point of being a master chef when you can't even muster up the energy to _cook_?"

"Bending over a hot stove cooking a five star meal and pouring toasted flakes into a bowl are not that different. It's all in the technique."

"Spare me."

The doorbell rang and without them moving a muscle, the door was thrown open.

Sakura sighed. "3...2...1..."

"Naruto you fucker! Where the hell are you?"

Naruto smiled as a dark haired wildboy came into the kitchen followed by a calm redhead.

"There's really no point in ringing the doorbell when you're gonna come in anyway," Sakura pointed out.

"Beat it Pinky, time for some male bonding... Hmm...male bonding... maybe you should stay..."

Sakura flipped Kiba the bird and turned to Gaara, "Hey."

"Hey," he smiled lightly then spun round as Naruto tackled him to the ground. "Congratulations Naruto," Gaara smirked up at the blonde. "You won."

"You'll keep your end of the bargain?"

"Yep. Free lunch for the next three weeks."

Sakura stood, "As _fascinating _as this is, I think I'll leave before the farting contest starts."

Kiba smirked, "Too late."

"Aw man! Not in the _kitchen_!" Naruto shouted and with Gaara's help, dragged Kiba to the bare living room.

Sakura shouted goodbye and let herself out before Kiba killed her with the amazing potency of his expelled gases.

She'd escorted Naruto home just to be sure he didn't get mugged on a dare. She loved those guys... well, maybe not _Kiba_...but their games were

bordering on dangerous. You'd think they weren't college students.

They'd started a daring game in second year and because of their inability to take alcohol as a stress reliever at the time, they'd carried it over into

third year.

Gaara's dares always included doing something outrageous but still, _legal_. Kiba on the other hand...

Sakura sighed. Well, she couldn't say they weren't entertaining. She'd been the one video-taping the whole thing when Gaara had been dared by

Kiba to kiss a random police woman and bolt.

Damn, that woman could _run_. She'd caught him and only after apologetically being told the whole story by Naruto, had let him out of his holding cell.

Naruto and Kiba had tortured the redhead with prison sodomy jokes for nearly a month after that.

Sakura figured they'd gotten too caught up but maybe that was a good thing... At least they didn't drink.

She felt her pocket and frowned.

She'd forgotten her purse.

**(I am a spiderman page break. I eat bugs)**

Naruto shoved Kiba off him and glared at Gaara, "Alittle help would be appreciated."

"Yeah," Gaara yawned, laying down on the carpet that was the only bit of 'furniture' still there.

"You know, you should rent out your place..."

Naruto looked at his home and snorted, "Hell no."

It was large and comfortable... And a gift from his brother.

He was the only guy on campus with his own _house_. That was why Kyuubi'd given to him...it was near the university and with the third years all

having their student dorms, apartments and boarding houses on the outskirts of the third wing of the college, it was a pretty cool thing to have.

Kiba and Gaara both had their own apartments but practically lived at Naruto's house.

"How'd your date go?"

Kiba scowled at Gaara, "Pretty fucking horrible. You should know. You took pictures."

Gaara smirked and pulled the photographs from his jumper.

Naruto looked at them, a smile playing on his lips. "Well...at least he's cute."

"I'm going to _kill_ Hinata."

"She set it up?"

He nodded.

"By the end, the guy was complaining that it was the worst date he'd ever been on and saying I didn't possess a romantic bone in my body."

"You don't."

"Yeah well, I reserve all romance for members of the_ opposite sex.._."

"_Please_."

They turned to face Sakura who'd just walked back in.

"Ah, the witch returns..."

"Ah, the dog's still here."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at Sakura.

"I left my purse," she said, walking into the kitchen to get it. "And Kiba, you actually don't have a romantic bone in your body."

"I could have a bone in _your_ body," Kiba smirked.

"First, eew. Second, even if you were _dared_ to, you couldn't come up with anything romantic...unless you count telling a girl her ass looks

fuckable...which by the way, doesn't actually count."

"Hey! I _could_ totally be romantic if I wanted!"

"I'd love to see you try."

Kiba smiled slowly, "Is that a dare, Sakura?"

Sakura smirked, "Of course."

"Too easy. I'd have the poor woman _in puddles._ She'd probably offer to _pay_ for everything."

Gaara smiled, "_Really_? Let's make this more interesting then... I'll get the flyers ready."

"Flyers?"

"For a dating agency. Except you'll be the only employee so girls _and _guys-"

"Hold up," Naruto interrupted. "That's abit drastic. I mean, Kiba can't even-"

It was then that Naruto wished he'd just shut up. They all looked at him and at his house and smiled.

**(I am a badboy pagebreak. Yeah, I'm awesome)**

Naruto sighed as he looked at the slip of paper in his hand with four signatures under the long paragraph.

It was the first dare Sakura had given and dammit, it was huge...hence the signed agreement.

They had to prove they could make anyone swoon with their overflowing romance...or something like that.

He wondered why _he'd_ been involved when it was supposed to be Kiba's dare.

Well, at least Gaara had been forced into it too. He _had_ been the one coming up with all the terms while Sakura sat smugly and threw in ideas for

their new company.

Yes. She'd gone through the trouble of getting it registered as a school project so they couldn't be held legally responsible if someone ended up

wanting to kill Kiba for being the worst date ever...or taking their virginity or something.

Gaara had made the flyers.

Sakura expected they'd get quite a number of calls soon.

Gaara had put Naruto and Ino on the flyers and posters as examples of the 'hot escorts' available. He'd put Sakura's number on them and had even made a website.

"You really get into your dares, don't you?" Sakura asked worriedly.

"Yeah..." Kiba chuckled evilly. "We especially enjoy the terms of what happens to the _darer_ when we win."

"You have a whole semester to lose so don't count on it."

"So here's how it goes," Gaara said, helping himself to a soda. "Naruto takes out the guys, Kiba the girls and Ino, the straight guys."

"Have you mentioned this to Ino?" Kiba asked.

"No, you will."

"WHA-"

"Me and Sakura are back-ups."

Sakura blinked, "I'm sorry..._what_?"

"You heard me. No way are we suffering for a whole semester while you sit and wait on your ass. This is a big dare. We're in it together."

"What's the point of me daring you if I have to do it too?"

"Quenching my sadistic desires."

Before she could complain further, the door was thrown open and a pissed off blonde was glaring at them.

Kiba found himself being shoved forward.

"Hey Ino...long time no see..."

"What the _fuck_ is _this?"_

Kiba looked at the flyer in her hand and turned to Gaara who was still sitting calmly at the table. "You set them up _already_?"

Gaara nodded, "Got some freshmen to do it."

Kiba gulped as Ino stepped forward, "You have _five_ seconds..."

**(I am a page break. Kiss me you fool!)**

"No way," Ino huffed. "I mean, it sounds like a fun way to get paid and as soon as you get the 'no sex' clause in, it'll be perfect. _But_ I'm not risking

dating some loser for the rest of the semester."

"What do you mean?"

"What's to stop the same person paying for dates throughout the semester?"

"A one-date-only clause."

They all looked at Naruto.

He smiled, "That way, we can cover more ground and win this bet unbiased. We could even have two people watching for protection in case

anyone tries to get frisky. And no hope of stalkers if it's just one date... I mean. We _are_ promising them the greatest date of their lives so we

should do it perfectly and make sure they never forget it."

"That's perfect," Gaara stated. "We could even say it's because we can't top our own dates."

"It _would_ make us seem more exclusive..."

"_Us_? You're in?" Kiba grinned.

Ino sighed, "Couldn't hurt I guess."

"And," Sakura smirked. "For all unsuccessful dates with Kiba-"

"Hey!"

"-they can choose someone else."

"I resent that."

**(I am a Kyuubi page break. Roar.)**

Sasuke Uchiha was on his guard.

Short of sneaking behind trees and bushes and crawling around campus in combat gear, he was considering going further in his protection this year.

He had to.

His birthday was coming up.

Unlike most people, Sasuke's brother was the evil spawn of darth vader and instead of giving gifts like everyone else, he planned over the top

ways for Sasuke to remember his birthday every year...

With that crazy bastard on the loose, Sasuke had to watch his back.

"Sasuke?"

He spun round.

"Oh, Neji. It's you."

"I should hope so."

Sasuke looked at the long haired brunette and sighed.

Neji saw Sasuke's look of relief and laughed, "Birthday jitters?"

"My birthday's in a month."

"Ita-"

Sasuke clamped his hand over Neji's mouth. "Don't say it!"

Neji sighed, "What should I call him then? He Who Must Not Be Named?"

"Of course not. That would be silly. Call him SPENO ."

"Speno?"

"Sasuke's public enemy number one."

"Oh...of course. So...**Itachi's **still at it, huh?"

Sasuke shot Neji a glare as they walked to their next class.

"I'm considering transferring to K.U for the next month..."

Neji smiled at that.

Konoha University was the sister college to theirs, Konoha Technical. It was an hour's drive away and not that different from K.T.

"I know Kakashi has a soft spot for you but this is kinda pushing it..."

Sasuke shook his head. "Hinata suggested it."

Neji chuckled, "I think she was kidding. Besides, she's the only one _allowed _to. And it's called _commuting_. She _**is**_taking one of their courses."

"Yes but I could transfer to their Architecture Class and stay a month, maybe two..."

Neji abruptly turned back and Sasuke stared. "Where are you going?"

"Lost and found. Maybe there's a pair of balls you could borrow."

"Screw you."

"Maybe later."

Sasuke walked to his class on his own, almost visibly twitching.

"Hey Sasuke."

Sasuke turned to the purple streaked brunette and smiled slightly.

"Hinata."

"You looked stressed..."

"One more month."

"Ah, the yearly countdown. No worries. Maybe Itachi will do something _nice_ this year..."

"Yes, and then maybe my dog will sprout wings and a horn and shoot rainbows out its arse."

Hinata winked, "Maybe."

With that, she walked past him and rushed off to her next class.

**(I am a page break. This is how I roll)**

Itachi smirked as he looked at Hinata sitting across him.

"This," he waved the paper. "Is at K.U?"

Hinata nodded.

Across her, a long haired redhead chuckled. "Are you sure you're Sasuke's _friend_?"

She smiled, "Of course. I'm doing this for him."

Kyuubi laughed, "Wish I had friends like you."

Hinata glanced at Itachi, "You do."

Kyuubi smiled and plucked the flyer from Itachi's hand. "I should visit Naruto soon. Make sure he's getting the college experience right."

"Certainly looks like it..."

Itachi was too busy plotting his brother's latest awesome birthday party.

And it involved the Konoha Dating Agency...

And maybe even Kyuubi's little brother...

He took in the blonde hair and confidently mischievous blue eyes.

_P__erfect_.

**A/N: So...watchu guys think?**


	2. Nice to meet you

**Chapter 2: Nice to meet you**

**Beta'd by: [Unbeta'd]**

**Disclaimer**: yadee yadaa...I own nadda...

Naruto ran into his class and caught his breath as Kiba and their lecturer, Iruka, barred the new heightened security door.

Iruka sighed as the door was viciously banged on.

"Naruto!"

Naruto dropped his backpack in his seat and took a bow as the class clapped.

"Another narrow escape eh?"

Naruto threw Sakura a dirty glare, "_This_...is all _your_ fault."

Sakura smirked, "Don't act like you're not the only one suffering here. Gaara had to go all around campus to get away from _his _growing fanclub."

Kiba yawned as he took his seat, "I dunno about you guys but I'm really enjoying all the attention."

"I had no idea girls fell for uncouth, rabid hobos."

"It's a campus miracle."

Iruka sighed, "If I may get a word in, please sit. I believe you're all very lucky none of your coursemates seem to want to rape you like the rest of the student population."

They smiled at him.

"That's cause they have no taste," Kiba smirked.

Tenten, the girl sitting behind him snorted loudly. "I think it's because we _do_."

Iruka shook his head. "We still have a few minutes before the lecture starts so I'm curious. How many dates have you guys accepted?"

Sakura groaned, "There are too many applications coming in. We all practically _live_ at Naruto's now and after the third time the cops had to clear students from his front yard, I had to register his house as our business location."

Naruto blinked, "You did _what_?"

"I was going to tell you..."

"_Yeah_? When?"

"When the time was right."

"_Really_? Well the time is bloody _perfect_ now, isn't it?"

"I'm glad you think so."

"I was being _sarcastic_!"

"No you weren't."

"Gaah!"

Iruka patted Naruto's head sympathetically and said, "You could always _close _the business."

Kiba snorted loudly at that. "Are you _crazy_? Do you know how much _money_ we're making?!"

Iruka chuckled, "No?"

"Yeah well, in the last _three days_ since Gaara put those flyers up, we've received over one thousand letters with the date fee. We can't just _close_ the agency! Hell, I'll date all _one thousand _of them if it means I get to keep the money."

"After the dates, they'd probably make you give them a refund," Sakura jibed. "By the way Iruka, we need an adult to cover the whole 'this is a school project' thing..."

Iruka laughed, "I'd love to but I can't. I'm already the patron for the Architecture club and I can't have two groups under me."

"That sounded perverted," Kiba noted.

"_Everything _sounds perverted to you," Iruka pointed out.

"I guess we'll have to go with Professor Genma," Kiba grinned.

Iruka looked slightly alarmed at that but didn't object.

"Professor Genma?" Sakura groaned. "He'll change _everything_!"

Kiba rolled his eyes at her, "Don't worry Pinky, I'll still verbally abuse you every chance I get so it won't change a thing."

"Oh joy."

**(I am a librarian page break. Shh.)**

Sasuke was silent.

Neji was driving him and Hinata to K.U and Neji's driving was perfect for deep thought. It was as if he thought driving faster would damage his _baby_ and then he'd have to become a serial killer without a car. The serial killer bit was for all the murders he'd have to commit to get to places on time because of all the usual pedestrians blocking his way.

Sasuke sighed.

At this rate, he'd have been better off walking to K.U. He'd probably have bypassed the snail that overtook Neji's car ten minutes ago by now.

Hinata was glaring at her cousin.

"Pull over and let me drive."

Neji ignored her.

It was this way everytime he drove. There was always some lunatic wanting him to go above 20.

Hinata huffed. Neji didn't even _need_ to pull over. All she had to do was leisurely get out the car, walk around it and throw him in the back seat with Sasuke and then, after stretching abit, she could get in and drive.

Yes. That's how slow they were moving.

And was it just her or did she see a snail overtake them minutes before?

"Neji, I don't mean to sound conceited but we're _rich_. In the event that something happens to _this _car, your dad will get you _another_ one."

Neji threw her a horrified look and said, "I can't just _replace_ Betsy."

Hinata blinked.

_WTF?_

"_Betsy_? You named your ferrari _Betsy_?! What the hell is _wrong _with you?! That's stupid!"

"Naming my car isn't stupid," Neji mumbled.

"No but naming it _Betsy_ sure is! Does this car look like an old truck to you huh?" Hinata sighed and blew her hair from her eyes. "You should call it something _cool_ like...the love mobile."

Neji snorted, "You've been hanging out with Kiba again huh?"

Hinata smiled, "The guy grew on me."

**(I am a christmas page break. I beat up santa)**

Gaara didn't like being stared at.

It irritated him to no end.

How was it that fanclubs could pop up out of thin air? Was there a Magic 101 class he should have attended?

Unlike the others, he and Ino didn't exactly _not_ have future rapists in their classes.

"Gaara?"

Gaara looked at Ino who was sitting by him and raised an eyebrow in question.

Normally he loved his personal space but what with the mobs of undying love following them around, he stayed by her side and glared murderously at any boy who dared approach her.

Unfortunately for him, that effect ended there as the girls loved the whole 'badboy glaring at me' thing...

Ino nodded at the time.

Five more minutes of Kurenai's lecture and then they'd have to escape.

They'd sat at the front for that very purpose and Gaara frowned when he noticed a small group of girls gathering outside the door.

He turned to lok out the window and Ino scowled.

"No."

Gaara smirked, "Fine then. Charge into the mob."

Ino groaned quietly and waited.

They were so lucky they were on the ground floor.

The clock struck two and Gaara leapt into action. He shoved open the nearest window, grabbed Ino's arm and practically threw her out.

He followed just as a few girls were about to reach him.

They ran across the grounds headed for the carpark so they could hurry to Naruto's house, their only haven.

In Gaara's car, Ino turned to glare.

"_Seriously_? A window? You _threw_ me out a _window_?"

"You're welcome."

Ino gaped and muttered under her breath.

Gaara spotted Naruto's driveway. "Did Naruto buy a ferrari?"

Ino snorted, "I wish. He prefers BMWs. You know that."

"Okay...then I guess he has a visitor."

Ino looked forward and smiled, "That should be Neji's."

"Neji?"

"Hinata's cousin."

Gaara shrugged and parked by the ferrari, his mercedes not seeming the least bit intimidated by the sports car.

They got out and walked into Naruto's house, not even bothering to knock.

"We're home!"

Hinata peeked from the kitchen, "We're in here!"

Gaara and Ino went in and sighed at the table where stacks of letters lay.

Kiba and Sakura were arguing over yoghurt and Hinata was going through the stacks.

"Where's Naruto?"

"Still in class... or being raped," Hinata smiled. "Can't really say."

"Oh. Neji brought you?"

Hinata nodded, "He's on campus showing a friend to the Dean's."

"Why?"

"He wants to transfer here for the next month."

"From K.T? _Why_?"

Hinata grinned darkly, "Well, the thing is..."

**(I am a batman page break. I have no powers)**

Sasuke was uneasy.

Neji walked confidently by his side.

He didn't seem disturbed by all the attention they were presently getting.

Sasuke was reminded of his fanclub back at K.T.

A small group of girls stood at a corner they were approaching. Luckily for him, the Dean's office wasn't that far.

They went in and the secretary, Shizune, motioned for them to wait.

Minutes later, they were in front of a pervert that would put their own Dean to shame.

Jiraiya Sannin smiled widely, "Ah, its always nice to meet students of my biggest fan."

The Dean of K.T, Kakashi, had the largest collection of porn in the world. Guiness world records had even popped by to give him the title officially.

His collection consisted mostly of graphic Porno books which happened to be written by Jiraiya.

Sasuke wondered how it was that these two were in charge of institutions meant for moulding young minds into responsible productive members of society.

"So...you want a transfer..."

Sasuke nodded.

"For a month?"

"Just until my birthday passes."

"What makes you think your brother won't just plan something here?"

Sasuke shrugged, "It's easier to hide here."

Jiraiya smiled, "It is, isn't it? But you can't hide from him all the time..."

"Well, I can try."

Jiraiya sighed, "Normally, I'd tell you to find your missing pair of balls and try reattach them-"

Neji smirked.

"- But if it's a favor to Kakashi, I guess I can let you transfer for the month. Hey, maybe in that time you could find a way to steal the balls in the biology lab."

"You keep balls in a lab?"

"They're bonobo balls...and they're preserved in a jar..." Jiraiya looked thoughtful. "I think they might oversex you if you used them though...Bonobos _are_ known for being particularly sex driven."

Wow.

He truly was a perv at heart.

Sasuke and Neji thanked him and left.

Outside, Sasuke was disturbed to see the group had gotten larger.

One approached him and smiled warmly, "Sasuke Uchiha?"

He nodded.

Big mistake.

"It _is_ him girls!"

And thus began the Great Uchiha Chase...which Neji took pictures of... before he too was subjected to the affections of the masses.

**(I am a jurassic page break. Roar)**

Naruto leaned against the wall, breathing deeply.

This had been flattering the first few hours, but now it was bordering on creepy.

How the hell did that girl sneak into the men's room?

He was safe, for now.

He was on the roof and had no idea what miracle had befallen him but for the moment, it didn't didn't look like he'd been spotted.

He sat by the edge near Old Mac, the school's oldest tree that had branches extending over the roof.

The door sprung open and Naruto ducked behind a protruding vent.

As he watched, a dark haired boy barred the door and ran to where he was hiding.

He spotted Naruto and froze.

Naruto was equally tense.

"Who are you?" he asked.

Naruto noticed the deep calm voice and couldn't help the tingle that flowed over him.

"I should ask _you_ that."

The dark haired boy sighed with relief, "Good. So you're not going to try to rape me."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at him. _I wouldn't bet on it._

The raven moved toward him cautiously and said, "You mind if I stay here awhile?"

"As long as you don't rat me out to the crazy girls outside, sure."

"You too?"

"I'm irrestistible."

He snorted and sat by Naruto, both leaning against the edge, under the shade of Old Mac.

He took in the appearance of the other boy, casually dressed in jeans, a black tshirt and white sneakers... The unruly blonde hair...the startlingly blue eyes...

"I'm Naruto."

The guy remained silent.

"If you don't want me to call your fans up, you might wanna be polite."

he sighed, "Sasuke."

"Nice to meet you."

"Hn."

"So...girls are chasing you cause you're hot?"

Sasuke risked a glance at Naruto.

Naruto looked into his dark eyes and smiled, "You _are_ pretty hot."

"Are you..."

"Gay? Yep. But don't worry, I still won't rape you. And if it bothers you, feel free to jump off the roof."

Sasuke looked up at Old Mac and lay down, "It doesn't."

Naruto smiled and Sasuke noted the guy was pretty hot himself.

Naruto hid a smile. He'd seen Sasuke checking him out and wasn't the least bit shy to admit, if ever asked, that he'd been checking him out, too.

He turned away and stared up at the sky.

Naruto lay by his side and asked, "Are you a first year?"

"Third."

"No way. I'd have seen you around..."

"I'm Neji's roommate. I go to K.T."

"Oh... How _is_ Neji?"

Sasuke smirked, "He should be running for his life right now but other than that, just peachy."

Naruto chuckled, "Cool. So...you'll be heading back soon right?"

Sasuke nodded.

"So...we may never see each other again, huh?"

Before Sasuke could reply, Naruto had gotten up and was straddling him.

Sasuke looked at him calmly, "What are you doing?"

"There's nothing to do up here so...I'm entertaining myself."

"I never said I was gay."

"You never said you weren't."

Sasuke sighed. "Get off me."

"I will...soon..."

Sasuke watched as Naruto lowered his head and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Your lips are soft."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at him.

Naruto smiled at that and started to plant soft, wet kisses to Sasuke's jaw making a trail down to his neck.

Sasuke fought the tingling that started every place Naruto's lips grazed...

"Do you do this with every guy you meet?"

"Only in cases of severe boredom. Like now."

"What exactly are you-"

He gasped as Naruto's tongue slipped out and licked at a sensitive spot on his neck.

"I'm trying to turn you on."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Might as well stop now. You're wasting your time."

Naruto sat up and looked Sasuke in the eyes, his blue ones mischievous, "Are you saying I _can't_?"

Sasuke gave him an annoyed look.

Naruto smirked, "I accept your challenge."

Naruto leaned back down and kissed Sasuke's neck.

"I didn't challenge you."

Naruto laughed and got off Sasuke, "I guess you didn't."

Sasuke ignored the way his body was going 'where'd the fun go?' and decided to continue staring at the sky.

Minutes later, he heard Naruto's breathing even out and turned to stare at him.

The blonde was asleep.

It was probably for the best. Playful sex gods weren't his usual cup of tea.

**A/N: **Thanks for the love peoples...

This chapter is the love child of all your reviews (yes, there was a review orgy)

**Review Reply**

**Lawliet.S:** L! Lol, kira's HOT too! Yup, kyuu's naruto's older brother XD

**myownperson2010667 :** i'm glad ^_^

**Sprig :** that's a GREAT idea! ... I mean...uh...yeah, I was totally thinking about putting that in...

**ugottalongway2go :** yup, naruto is openly gay... Makes my life a whole lot easier... hehe

**I Houseki And I The Shiz: **I will! I am! Hehe...

**blensh-lq:** I know right? lol

**fluffy_lover82192 (): **lol I took your advice, typed this up & updated!

**chocolate-strawberry-leaf** : thanks chocky! Wuv you! *beams*

**sasodei-iz-awesome : **I love being awesome! Hehe, guess I screwed up the dramatic meeting everyone was expecting huh?

**Monkeydluffynaruto: **thanks *blushing*

**MikaUchiha :**i purr too!\ awesome huh? And as always, lovely to see you (^_^)

**zimeatspotatoes : **it does, doesn't it? (XD


	3. First dates

KDA

**Chapter Three: First Dates**

**Beta'ed by:** [UnBeta'ed]

**Disclaimer:** yaddaa yaddaa...I own nadda...

"This is _your _place?"

Naruto nodded and led Sasuke in.

He'd been woken up by the raven just ten minutes before and had driven his X6 madly back to his house so he could get to his bed and sleep. Sasuke had been wishing on some magic star that somehow, Naruto would turn into Neji and he could enjoy he rest of the ride knowing it wouldn't end with his head somehow acquainting itself with the windshield.

He entered the house shakily and found himself facing an unscathed Neji.

"Sasuke...you're _alive_!"

Sasuke glared at Neji who then hugged the groggy Naruto closely, earning himself a raised brow from Sasuke.

Hinata and the others walked out of the kitchen and stared.

"Neji?" Sakura asked.

"Hmm?"

"Did you bore Naruto to sleep again?"

Neji looked down in surprise at the blonde who was breathing evenly.

"What did you do, Uchiha?" Hinata growled, a spatula brandished dangerously in her hand.

"Nothing," Sasuke sighed. "He tried to rape me and fell asleep before he could finish the job."

Hinata laughed and poked Naruto's cheek. "He must have been bored."

"So he told me," the raven replied dryly.

Neji looked up and found green eyes regarding him curiously from the front door.

"Gaara! Where the hell have you been?"

The redhead gave Ino a look that said it was none of her business.

"It _is_ my business you arrogant prick! I thought you'd been-"

Gaara sighed.

"Don't you take that tone with me!"

"Um...are they having a conversation?" Sasuke asked quietly.

Hinata nodded, "It's the kind only _they_ can understand."

Neji cleared his throat unnecessarily, gaining everyone's attention as he looked intently at the redhead.

He smiled, "Neji Hyuuga."

Gaara nodded, wearily. "Gaara."

"No last name?"

Gaara looked amused at that but ignored him and went into the kitchen, following Ino and Sakura who'd gone back in when they'd heard something sizzle.

Kiba walked down the stairs and, seeing all the people at the bottom, smiled and said, "No need to wait while I used the bathroom guys. I know I'm awesome but you need to respect my personal space."

They ignored him and placed Naruto on the carpet. Kiba came down and prodded the sleeping blonde with his foot.

"What happened to _him_? Fangirl rape?"

"Nah," Neji stifled a yawn. "Not today anyway."

Kiba nodded and lay on Naruto's other side.

"Why isn't there any furniture?" Sasuke asked, sitting across Neji.

Kiba, with his eyes closed, smirked. "His stuff's at my place."

Naruto mumbled in his sleep and crept closer to Kiba who tried to smack him away.

"Move it Blondie."

"No...warm..."

Kiba sighed and let Naruto place himself on his shoulder and sleep.

Sasuke stared at the blonde as he slept. He seemed so innocent. Not at all like the guy who'd straddled him and _tried to_ turn him on just that afternoon. Hell, who was he fooling? The boy _had_ turned him on. Quite thoroughly if he might add.

Thank the denim gods for their thoughtfulness in keeping little male problems hidden.

As he continued to watch Naruto, he berated himself. He didn't want someone who was gonna mess with his head. That was _his_ thing...and he'd learned pretty early that he couldn't cope with the shit he dished out.

But, that's how life is huh?

Naruto moaned and snuggled closer to Kiba.

Sasuke swallowed and turned away.

_Karma's a bitch..._

"Dinner's ready!"

They all watched in amazement as Naruto sprang up and dashed into the kitchen.

Kiba sighed, "Hungry bastard."

They all crammed food onto their plates and went back to the living room and sat on the carpet.

Naruto seemed to have had a miraculous awakening and Sasuke wondered if hunger was his kryptonite.

It certainly seemed like it.

After dinner, the guys did the dishes while the girls packed the leftovers in Naruto's fridge.

"Well, we'd best be getting back to Betsy before Neji suffers serious withdrawal," Hinata smiled tiredly.

"Don't mock my baby," Neji huffed.

"Betsy?" Naruto asked.

"Our mode of transportation," Sasuke cleared up.

Gaara blinked at Neji. "_Betsy_? You own a _cow_?"

Neji gaped as the others laughed long and hard at his expense.

"No, I own a _Ferrari_."

"Oh."

Neji frowned when he noticed Gaara wasn't the least bit impressed.

He got up sulkily, "Thanks for dinner. Goodnight."

Hinata and Sasuke hid their smiles as they too got up and thanked the others, before leaving the house.

They waved goodbye from Betsy as Neji drove off.

"Is his car out of gas?" Gaara asked from the window where they watched them leave.

"Nope," Naruto stated. "Neji just drives _really_ carefully."

"So...back to business," Sakura said, placing herself back on the carpet.

"Business?" Naruto blinked.

Ino dropped a bag of letters on the floor, "Yes. _Business_."

"Oh."

"Any new developments? I'm being driven by a freshman to go pick up my date and Naruto's using his car."

Kiba smiled, "And I'm using the Z10."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at Kiba, "I hope you bought _yourself_ a Z10 cause you're _so _not driving mine."

"Aw come on!"

"No. Drive your on car."

"But I wanna drive yours!"

Naruto smiled sweetly, "Touch my car and I'll key your Aston Martin."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

Gaara smiled at their dramatics and said, "Temari lent me the limo. She said she's pleased I'm finally getting a life."

"You didn't tell her you're going on a date to win a dare, did you?"

"It slipped my mind."

"Right. So...the first dates are tomorrow night?" Sakura smiled triumphantly at Kiba. "Over one thousand Kiba. You'd better get started."

Kiba smirked, "_Your _date's on Sunday."

"_What_?"

"Like you said Pinky. _Over one thousand_. **You'd **better get started."

"Wait...who's my date?"

Ino lifted the letter, "Um, Lee Rock. He's a second year."

Sakura sighed, "I hope he's not as weird as his name."

"I wish we could get them to mail their faces too." Ino stretched.

"That would be pointless. There is a reason PhotoShop exists," Kiba stated flatly.

"You'd know all about that wouldn't you, dogboy?" Sakura smirked.

"Please, I'm _gorgeous_. Got nothin to hide." Kiba said imperiously.

"What did you think about Neji?"

Gaara looked at Naruto with surprise at the abrupt question. "I thought you were asleep."

Naruto smiled weakly. "Maybe not as asleep as I'd have liked...thanks to someone...I won't mention who..._Kiba_."

Kiba ignored that and said, "Why you asking red what he thought bout Neji?"

Naruto shrugged, "Cause...Neji's... Pretty hot...and- _OW! Gaara, what the hell!_"

Gaara faced Naruto calmly, fist ready to deliver another blow as he said quietly, "I am _not_ gay."

Naruto rolled his eyes at that and yawned, resting his head back down on Kiba's shoulder. "Whatever."

"Anyway," Ino continued. "Saturday dates are Naruto, Kiba and me with uh...Sai Megumi, Shion Pris and Chouji Akimichi. Sunday has Sakura and Rock Lee and Gaara with Konan Reiki. Does everyone have their date schedules?"

They grumbled replies.

"Pick your dates up at nine sharp tomorrow. I already put up this weeks dates online and on all the notice boards."

"When she says 'I', she means 'me'." Gaara pointed out.

"And when he says 'me', he means a couple of freshmen."

Gaara smirked at Ino, "Touché."

**(I am a Sasuke page break. Chidori!)**

Naruto jumped and fell off his bed as the alarm continued to ring in his ears.

He opened his eyes and glared murderously at Sakura and Gaara.

Sakura handed Gaara a five dollar bill and he smirked, "Told you it would work."

Naruto scowled, "What the _fuck_ are you two doing?"

"Waking you up. Duh. Ino and Kiba are already up getting ready. You'll be late if you don't hurry."

Naruto groaned and got up off the floor. "Fine."

"I set your outfit on the chair and your shoes are by the bed," Sakura added. "Also, the envelope has the money for the date and there's a camera to record the date-"

"Wait wha-"

"Don't worry, it's just for us to watch and Ino already called all the other parties and they agreed to it. Gaara's having it put as a clause so we'll be able to see just how badly Kiba does on his dates without having to follow him around."

"Then why do I need a camera too?"

"Cause we have them and can't let them go to waste."

Naruto snorted and said, "Right."

"It's not a live feed camera so we'll have to watch your dates when you get back," Gaara stated.

Naruto nodded and ushered them out of his room before taking a shower.

When he was done, he hurriedly dried himself off and pulled on his black jumper over the t-shirt he had on. He'd carried the clothes Sakura had picked out for him but knew they would be inappropriate for the activities he'd chosen for that morning.

Sakura glared when she saw him dressed casually.

He held up his arms, "I'm going to change for dinner, I promise."

She nodded slowly and lowered the fork she'd unconsciously raised in his direction.

They had breakfast with Kiba and Ino being dressed as casually as Naruto- both in jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers. They also had non-formal afternoons planned.

For dinner they were all going to the same restaurant. Crossings. A five star restaurant that Naruto's cousin owned.

They finished their breakfast and walked out to the waiting cars. Kiba sniffed as Naruto passed him and threw him a glare.

Naruto chuckled and got in his car. Kiba's Aston martin left first, headed toward the female third year dorms. Ino followed, being driven by a freshman called Yukimaru, and Naruto left soon after, diverting at the third year hostel entrance to head for the third year male dorms.

Naruto parked outside the third year building and stretched.

Ino was parked a short distance away but was going to a different hostel.

He walked into the first dorm and walked up the stairs to room 35.

Before he could knock, the door was thrown open and he was staring at a pale, dark haired guy.

He raised an eyebrow at him.

Naruto smiled warmly, "Hello, I'm Naruto. I'm here to pick Sai up."

The guy looked at him a full second longer than was necessary before nodding and saying, "I'm Sai."

Naruto shook his hand. "Um...are you ready to go?"

Sai nodded, grabbing his keys and cell before locking the door behind him. Naruto noticed they were just about the same height.

"Don't worry about me not following the rules," Sai smirked. "Your manager called and went through the rules with me. As well as the camera."

Naruto blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Your manager. Yamanaka..."

Naruto blinked slowly. "Uh huh... Right. Her."

_Who the hell made __**Ino **__our manager?_

Sai nodded and followed Naruto down the stairs an outside to the car Sakura had picked for the date...Naruto's baby, the BMW Z10.

Naruto's friends all knew he had an unhealthy obsession with BMWs and what with his large allowance, had a large collection of them.

Sai looked at Naruto and asked with a fake pasted smile, "So, where are we going?"

Naruto smiled. It had taken him a few minutes but he already had Sai pegged.

_Not the most socially adept guy in the __world, says what he thinks straight off the bat...could be completely rude, abrasive and inconsiderate, especially on dates..._

Having a crazy shrink for an aunt sure came in handy.

He'd have to visit her sometime.

Sai looked at Naruto's car and smirked, "Overcompensating?"

Naruto smiled slowly and replied huskily, breathing in Sai's ear, "Not at all. You can have a look if you want..."

As Sai stood there looking alittle thrown off, Naruto smiled to himself and walked to the other side, getting in the car.

Sai was quiet as Naruto left he campus grounds and drove them into town, stopping at a small café.

"Breakfast?"

Naruto laughed, "Well, _yeah_. I figured we'd eat before going on this amazing date."

"We're _already_ on the date."

"Exactly, so pick what you'd like, shut up and eat."

Sai watched Naruto eat and shook his head slightly.

Maybe this date wouldn't be a horrible as he thought.

"So what are you studying?" Naruto asked, spreading chocolate sauce on his pancakes.

"I'm an Art major."

"Really? Cool. The closest I've gotten to art was when my brother dumped paint in my hair. Since then, I've been scared of art supplies."

Sai smiled slightly, "How old were you when that happened?"

"It happened last month."

Sai hid a smile and dug into his own food as they ate the rest in companionable silence.

When they got in the car after breakfast, Naruto turned to Sai.

"Don't freak out. I'm gonna blindfold you till we get to our destination okay?"

Sai looked doubtful and Naruto sighed, "Does_everyone_ think I'm some sort of rapist?"

Sai snorted, "Please. You'd probably end up being raped yourself."

Naruto leaned back in his chair. "Not if I rape back."

Sai sighed and took the blindfold from him.

Naruto smiled after checking to make sure Sai couldn't see anything, and drove off.

**(I am a Hidan page break. Bow before J****anshin!)**

Naruto took off the blindfold.

Sai's eyes adjusted to the light and he stared at the gun in Naruto's hands and at the park around them.

"Welcome to Simms War Zone." Naruto grinned.

"Paintball?"

"Don't think of it as _paintball_...think of it as..._war_."

Sai laughed and grabbed the gun. "Okay."

They got out of the car and Naruto led Sai to a cabin with a blue flag on its door.

He kicked the door open and yelled, "I'm home!"

The people stared at him before a barrage of insults flew his way.

"You idiot! Shut the door!"

"Naruto, you fucker! Where are the others? Did Pinky and Dogboy finally kill each other?"

"The idiot team's two cabins away!"

Naruto ignored them and motioned to Sai.

"This is Sai, my date. He'll be helping us lose today."

This got a few more comments.

"Hey! We don't _always_ lose!"

"Make sure you don't bang each other in here! We barely clean it as it is!"

"Shut up Riley," Naruto smirked. "You know I don't 'bang' on the first date."

"Yeah, you wait long and hard for the second!"

Naruto laughed with the guys as they handed him and Sai the camouflaged blue overalls that was to be their combat gear.

Naruto smiled at Sai, "Most of these guys are from campus with just five or six coming from K.T."

Sai nodded, having recognized quite a few of them.

"Okay Blues," Riley, a buff looking brunette shouted from atop a chair. "We need someone to give us the customary, yet completely useless, pep talk and lead us out to our inevitable defeat!"

Naruto chuckled, "I volunteer Sai."

Sai blinked, looking at Naruto in surprise.

"Go on, don't be shy."

Sai gave Naruto a look that said he was asking for it and took a step forward.

"Alright you dickless wonders-"

Naruto hid a smile at that.

"-here's what we're gonna do. Those of you too scared to fight, leave now, go home, take a shit and go to bed. The rest of you idiots willing to die paint-induced deaths, follow me. Use every underhanded trick in the book and if a teammate is a liability, shoot him."

The others stared at Sai and he guessed he'd probably be shot himself...with a real gun.

The cheering caught him by surprise.

"Now there's a _real_ leader! Hail the Captain of the dickless!"

Sai shook his head and ran out of the cabin into the open, followed closely by a weak looking boy who he quickly made use of as a shield.

And then-

Naruto touched Sai's shoulder and said, "Prepare for chaos. We're awesome snipers but we blues have never been in sync..."

The siren rang, announcing the start of that afternoon's war.

And as Sai saw for himself, the blues were skillfully 'killing off' the other colors but they were the most uncoordinated team there...

"Duck!"

"_Where_?"

"It means get down, you fool!"

"Why? So the paint can hit me while I lay in the dirt?"

"Take cover!"

"Don't use me as a shield!"

"You're a liability!"

"Jack, you ass! Don't shoot me!"

"Well suck it up, Sean! I hate you! Take that sucka! _That's _for kissing my girlfriend! And _that's _for sucking up to my mum and tha-"

"You're shooting the wrong guy, Jack! Stan's the one who kissed your girl!"

"Pete, you snitch! Hey!.... Wait Jack! It was an accident! I swear!"

"Oh look, pink soldiers! Aren't they cute?"

"Those blood thirsty little shits? Hey everyone, the girl scouts are back! Time for some revenge!"

"Wait, they're just little girls!"

"New plan people! Kill this guy, _then_ kill the girls!"

"No wait! I-"

Thirty minutes later, the winners, the Reds, stood on the podium and raised their trophy.

The Blues had shot everyone else, including each other...and the reds had hidden and waited till everyone was 'dead'.

That was their permanent battle plan and as the other teams apparently never thought of it, the Reds always won.

They smirked down at the other teams and started the customary taunts.

Suddenly, a shot was heard.

The teams all looked at Sai, whose gun was poised in the air, ready for another shot. The team captain of the reds was in some kind of shock, his red combat gear now splattered with blue paint.

Naruto laughed and raised his own gun.

The others saw this and smiled, raising their own guns and aiming. Green, Blue, Purple, Yellow and Pink all fired.

Naruto and Sai collapsed in laughter as the victors were pummeled by the remaining teams.

"Lunch!"

Sai was carried to the carpark where they all got into a large bus.

Naruto stood, "To the greatest defeat we've ever had!"

"Here here!"

Sai smiled and took a mock bow and Naruto noticed that his smile wasn't the pasty fake one of that morning.

"Where to?" Riley asked, in the driver's seat.

"Ichiraku's!"

Naruto sat by Sai and said, "One of the many reasons I stick with these guys."

"What's Ichiraku's?"

A sudden silence filled the bus as they all stared at Sai.

"Are you _retarded_?" Some guy shouted.

Naruto gave the guy the finger before turning back to Sai, "It's a restaurant in town with the greatest ramen in the world."

"Yeah," Riley added. "You haven't lived till you've tried their miso ramen."

"Pork's better!" one said loudly.

"Shut the fuck up! Their Beef is _obviously_-"

Sai watched in fascination as a mini-brawl broke out over which ramen was the best.

"Hey!" Riley shouted. "I say _miso _is the best and if anyone of you disagrees, I'll leave the wheel _right now_ and come educate you!"

Peace immediately reigned in the bus and Sai raised his eyebrow at that.

Naruto chuckled, "He's not bluffing. He's done it before. The old bus crashed into a tree."

At Sai's stricken expression, he added, "No one was hurt... Well, Pete broke his arm but other than that, no one was hurt."

They got to Ichiraku's with no further trouble, except for the expected arguments.

Sai watched Naruto slurp the ramen.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Uh...I'm hungry...?"

Sai chuckled softly. "No, I mean...this agency thing. From what I can tell, you don't need the money."

Naruto shrugged. "It's a dare."

Sai raised an eyebrow at that. "A dare?"

Naruto nodded. "Guess its gone pretty far huh?"

Sai smiled and said, "Well, I don't mind. It was fun."

Naruto grinned. "Of course it was. I'm awesome."

Sai snorted.

The others joined them and soon the restaurant was packed with noise as the other teams from Simms joined them.

The owner came toward them, an old man brandishing a rolling pin and glaring at Riley.

"If you start _another_ food fight here, you won't just clean up the mess, you'll repaint the building _and_ my house. Do you understand me?"

Riley gulped, "Yes sir."

"Naruto! Good to see you, my boy!"

Naruto grinned, "Hey Pops."

"You should see Ayame when she gets back. She's missed you."

"How's culinary school?"

"You know my daughter. She's probably teaching _them _a thing or two. Funny story, even though she's abroad, she was telling me something about those friends of yours a new _dare _online_..._"

Naruto gulped. "Er..."

Teuchi sighed, "Make sure it's not dangerous. Cause I'll kill your friends if it is."

Naruto laughed uneasily and nodded.

Teuchi smiled warmly and left with a final threatening wave of his rolling pin at Riley.

"So... Those flyers _weren't _pranks?"

Naruto stuck his tongue out at Riley.

Riley chuckled and smiled at Sai, "You're lucky. Most guys Naruto dates get hate mail at least two days before the actual date."

Sai smiled, "I got some this morning."

"Really?" Riley turned to Naruto. "What is it about _you_? Is it the hair?"

Naruto laughed, "It's the large amounts of awesomeness oozing from every pore...but the hair's a plus too."

Riley snorted and slurped his ramen.

Sai relaxed against his seat and ate the miso ramen Riley had suggested (read: _threatened_) that he try...

**(I am a Deidara page break. Boom.)**

Sasuke had been on his computer the whole day since three in the morning and it was now almost four in the afternoon.

Whenever he tried to relax, he saw a smiling blonde.

He wondered what Naruto was doing.

He groaned.

He'd need to ether keep working till he passed out, or take sleeping pills...but what if he slept and dreamed about that sex god?

_Tch._

He leaned back in his chair and spun round as his door was thrown open.

Neji.

Neji looked relieved to see him there. He shut the door and walked in lazily.

"Sasuke..."

"Yeah?"

Neji groaned and fell onto Sasuke's bed.

"It's not fair!"

Sasuke sighed. "What?"

"That hot, gorgeous piece of ass!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Neji.

"Gaara." Neji grumbled. "I want him."

It was then that Sasuke noticed the tent in Neji's pants. "I don't doubt that you do. From what I can tell, you want him _a lot."_

Neji sighed and placed his hand on his crotch.

Sasuke turned away, "We have a bathroom you know."

Neji snorted, "Where's the fun in that?"

"Then go pick someone up. Don't do that here. It's just sad."

Neji replied with a moan, letting the raven know it was too early for a backup plan (i.e. booty call) what with it being afternoon and all... unless they miraculously popped up out of nowhere. Besides, he was too far gone.

Sasuke sighed and completely faced his computer, determined to ignore Neji.

"Mmm..."

Sasuke looked for his headsets on his terminal and realized they were by his bedside.

Before his brain could stop himself, he'd turned.

His jaw dropped as he saw that somewhere in the past few seconds, Neji had changed positions and was now humping a large pillow.

Sasuke swallowed. "Neji..."

"Hmm?" came the guttural reply.

"Use your _own _pillows, dammit!"

Swearing loudly, Sasuke grabbed his jacket and made his way to the door.

Neji reached out and grabbed his hand before he could leave and he stumbled.

"Neji, what the fuck are you _doing_?"

Neji smiled slowly and tugged Sasuke, who fell on top of him.

"What the-"

Before he could finish what would be an impressive tirade of swears, Neji ground up against him.

Sasuke froze, killing the moan that had been building up.

He hadn't even been aware of his own building 'problem'.

_Yup, Karma is __definitely a bitch..._

Neji pulled Sasuke against him.

_...and she's in heat._

**A/N: ****First, that doesn't count as a cliffie so shuddup!**

**Second, ****Don't kill meh!**** The next chapter has the evening dates so don't yell at meh! *sniff* I'll cwy if you do...**

**I promise SasuNaru...eventually! Hehe...**

**Review reply**

**7thtreasure:** I'm glad you like her this way. I just can't write the whole stuttering thing...life is hard enough, hehe :) Ps: coodles for the cow thing, lol. I hope you mean my style of writing here is good...or at least, ok... Or that you might like the way I write 'the four seasons'...

By the way, I was wondering if maybe I should write both my version of 'the four seasons' and a yaoi version as well...

**PandaLove98:** YES! My stupidity is now officially 'funny', hehe xD

**SengetsuPwnzU: ***PLEASED* will do

**Iyfanatic: ****- **Some people are just so hard to please... Lol, indeed they are... Hope the dialogue wasn't choking...

**cardcaptor111:** WAKKA WAKKA?haha, is that a battle cry?

**KatrinaEagle: ***sigh* wish Naruto was _my_ sex god... Speaking for myself here, lol

**marinav92: **thankyou :)

**Itachi-Senpai: **hehe, everyone else is telling me Sasuke's a pansy! Haha!

**7thtreasure: **majorprops for the cow thing ^_^

**hitsuji-kun: **cotton!*sighs with relief* damn you pda!

**Itsxrosaliexcullenxbitches: **yo**! **You called it cute...singing off key* you like my stowy...

**blensh-lq:** lol, forgive my authoress laziness...if you like, I could go back a whole segment so Naruto can go through the whole 'am I gay' thing...hehe

**LightXL-Ment2B: ***sighs* I almost thought you didn't _want_ Naruto pouncing on Sasuke! Ps: Sasuke will 'grow a pair' in due time...and learn how to use em too *wink wink nudge nudge*

**chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **Itachi's plans are...*does Dr. evil pose* _eeeeevil...._hehe, many thanks :)

**Sprig:** yes, a molesting Naruto is very important... Kyuubi? Ha! I'll have to see about that. He and Itachi are best friends so I don't think Itachi would care...

**Lingo10: **lol, mischievous naru? :) I like too

**Auzurite: **thankyou *beams* you know, I got the idea when someone was hogging the bathroom and I really had to go...as you can see, the two are completely related...hmm...you can **see **that? _Einstein's' undershorts_, you must be _psychic_!

**MikaUchiha:** Mika! That was? *read chapter again* _really?_ Lol, glad you thought so...I actually wrote it with tons of limey goodness but then deleted that cause I figured, who does _that_ with someone they just met on a rooftop while running away from fangirls? exactly.

**TenshiXXX: **don't watch for too long...your eyes will get watery and we wouldn't want people thinking you're emotional now would we? :D I myself equally enjoy a good** '**nice yet sadistic' Itachi... I doubt the ItaKyuu pairing but I **might **put it in for fun and with those two, no worries, no ones gonna be _anyone's _b****... ItaKisa...hmm...might put that in just for you :) as thanks for the review...

**ilvecoffee-n-narutoYOUTH:** he did? No...he seemed...ok, yeah...weird. lol

**I Houseki And I The Shiz: **yup...but as you can see, Naruto's playful and Sasuke has his fair share of dirty laundry (boxers in his case)...they can't be together...At least not yet. No need for confusion, they didn't do anything rated...just Naruto kissing Sasuke...and falling asleep...hehe

**Slave to my Pen: ***bows* thankyou. That means a lot. *strikes good guy pose* wait no more...okay...you may have to wait awhile...

**sasodei-iz-awesome:** hehe, glad you thought so... Stuttering Hinata takes ages to read and I feel like just I'd knock her out, read her mind and get the info I need :)

**IffyChan:** I'll work on the confusing bits if you tell me exactly which bits they are *begs forgiveness* Thanks! :D

**Lawliet.S:** Patience my dear L, patience... You welcome :) *reads review again* you were overdosed on chocolate again weren't you?

**ugottalongway2go: **Kiba/Sakura? Do you _want _that? That's for me to know and you to bribe me and find out..**.**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter...**


	4. First dates Part II

**Konoha Dating Agency**

by Rizember

**Summary: **On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start an agency where they offer "the most romantic date you'll ever have" with a 'one date only' policy… humour, romance…sasunaru

**Chapter 4: First Dates II**

**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

**Disclaimer: **yaddee yaddaa…I own naddaa…

**A/N: I'm ill and can't stand or even sit up…which is why I'm lying down with the heavy prospect of maybe puking on my laptop as I type this up. It's been two weeks and I'm sorry for the wait. This is supposed to be a weekly thing. On a sadder note, there's delicious chicken in my fridge and I can't even eat it!**

**Stupid malaria.**

**In my sick (physically you pervs) mind, may I ask if anyone cares about me enough to do fanart of any of my works? *cricket chirps* Hmph… *grumbles* Just askin…**

**Oh well…enjoy…**

_**Previously**__: _"Neji, what the fuck are you doing?"

Neji smiled slowly and tugged Sasuke, who fell on top of him.

"What the-"

Before he could finish what would be an impressive tirade of swears, Neji ground up against him.

Sasuke froze, killing the moan that had been building up.

He hadn't even been aware of his own building 'problem'.

_Yup, Karma is definitely a bitch..._

Neji pulled Sasuke against him.

_...and she's in heat._

Their kiss was frantic and hurried, a ravaging of mouths rather than anything particularly emotion-involving.

Sasuke left Neji's mouth, trailing his jaw and going down to his neck, biting down hard and making Neji gasp. He licked and nipped as he slowly started to grind down onto Neji's pelvis, rubbing their groins together.

Neji moaned.

"Neji?"

"Hmm…?"

"I'm not sleeping with you."

Neji chuckled as he brought his mouth back to Sasuke's. Sasuke could be so silly sometimes. Hell, he'd already slipped his hands into Neji's pants and was stroking him slowly through his boxers.

"Sasuke…"

Sasuke smirked and retrieved his hand.

Neji opened his eyes in shock and glared hard at Sasuke.

"Later Neji."

"You _wouldn't_."

Sasuke grabbed his coat and stood and Neji noticed that the tent in Sasuke's pants was no longer visible.

"You _bastard_."

Sasuke laughed as he walked toward the door, "I'll let you finish up. Besides, I think I just found my balls. Thanks Neji."

Neji swore as Sasuke shut the door.

He'd done the same to Sasuke on New years. He'd been drunk and forced himself on Sasuke. Just when they were getting somewhere and Sasuke's resistance was completely gone, he'd slurred "Finish up Shashke" and fallen asleep. The next morning, Sasuke had sworn vengeance.

Sasuke had apparently gotten his revenge.

Neji swore again and started to stroke himself.

Only Sasuke would leave a friend hanging like that.

The bastard.

Outside, Sasuke smirked as he pushed a freshman out of his way just for the heck of it.

Yup, the bastard was back.

**(I am a Barbie page break. See my pretty hair.)**

"I'm too old for this shit."

Teuchi looked at the large number of people staring back at him sheepishly. In their coloured, paint covered overalls; they reminded him of his college days. But that wasn't the point.

They were presently covered in bits of ramen and various sauces and relish.

Yup. Riley had started another food fight.

Teuchi was looking dangerous with his meat cleaver in one hand and a glare aimed at Riley. Subconsciously, every one standing next to Riley edged away, leaving him as their sacrificial lamb. It was his fault anyway.

"You know the drill."

Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as Teuchi walked away and returned seconds later with a bunch of keys.

"Naruto, your friend, Riley and Sean."

Naruto caught the keys tossed at him and motioned for Sai to follow him. Sai followed, noting that Teuchi was still brandishing the sharp object.

The other teams all stood, as if at an assembly even as Teuchi sat down waiting for Naruto to get back.

Naruto and Sai left the building, going round the back.

"What's going on?"

Naruto grinned. "Our punishment."

"What?"

Naruto opened what looked like a small tool shed and revealed…tools.

Sai blinked. "You're kidding."

Naruto shook his head, grabbing a stack of brooms and mops and handing some to Sai. Riley and Sean carried paintbrushes and washrags. They carried what they could and went back inside, leaving the stuff before heading back and getting more.

When they were done, they locked up and headed back only to find Teuchi separating them.

"Red, Green and Purple…you guys are repainting the signs and walls outside. Riley, you're with them." He pointed at some tins of paint next to the entrance.

Riley huffed.

Teuchi turned to him, "Anything the matter Riley?"

"Course not, sir."

"I didn't think so."

Sai hid a smile and Riley pouted.

"Blue, and Pink, you're cleaning up in here. I want the walls and floors scrubbed till I gain the ability to see my future in them."

Sai blinked. "Haven't heard that one before."

"And you won't hear it again, Megumi. Genius like mine is rare. Now get to work."

They all grabbed the tools and items they'd need and got to it. They were cleaning the restaurant, washing the walls, wiping the tables, mopping the floors… The girl scouts seemed to be excited about the work as Teuchi promised that when they were done he'd sign their forms so they could get their "Helped the Elderly" badges.

He hadn't been too thrilled with the "Elderly" bit but the little girls in Pink had essentially evolved the puppy-dog look to nuclear proportions and had won him over…no matter how grudgingly.

Outside, Riley's group had started repainting the restaurant and the others were cleaning up the car park.

"This is fun," Pete said.

Naruto snorted. "You say that almost every week."

Sai paused. "Every week? You guys have a food fight _every _week?"

Naruto grinned. "It's like…tradition. Usually, my friend Kiba and Riley start it off but as you can see, Riley was burdened with it all on his own this week."

"Poor Riley," Pete sighed. "It's pretty sucky that Kiba should get off this time."

"This time?" Sai enquired.

"Yeah, our yearly painting."

Sai blinked. "You start the food fights _on purpose_?"

Naruto chuckled. "Yeah, we always do."

"Why?" Sai looked at all of them.

"Old man Teuchi's been good to us," Pete shrugged.

It slowly dawned on Sai…and he shook his head at their stupidity.

They started food fights as their way to help the old man. They cleaned the place up every Saturday and, ignoring the fact that they spoiled food to do it, their hearts were in the right place.

Only Naruto had continued slurping his food while the others used their as ammo. In fact, now that Sai looked closely, Naruto barely had any spoils of war on him.

"What's the story with Old man Teuchi then?" Sai asked.

Pete just smiled. "Each one of us has our own story with him, Naruto and Riley's being the most dramatic of course… They can be pretty long stories though."

"I've apparently got all afternoon," Sai countered.

Naruto laughed, "You'll have to get the wonderfully sappy stories some other time. We only have an hour till we have to get back."

"Dinner at five?"

Naruto snorted, "I wish. We have to get dressed for dinner which starts at seven."

"We aren't girls. Why do we need two hours to get dressed?"

Naruto shook his head. "You'll see."

**(I am a hot page break. I set off fire alarms)**

Naruto and Sai travelled in companionable silence as they made their way back to Sai's dorm so they could both get changed for dinner.

Old man Teuchi had given them all take away meals as thanks and with extra threats, had waved them off.

Naruto went up with Sai to his room and-

-found Sakura rifling through a bunch of clothes on the bed and Gaara sitting at Sai's desk, looking deeply disinterested.

"What the hell are you doing in my room!"

Sakura stared at him like he was an idiot, "Picking out your clothes of course."

"How'd you even get in here?"

"I picked the lock," the redhead provided.

Sai stared at the redhead sitting at his desk boredly.

"It was easy."

Sai sputtered angrily.

"Let it go dude," Naruto advised, patting Sai's back reassuringly.

Sakura held out a cream button-down shirt to Sai. "Try this on."

Sai looked at Naruto who just shrugged and said, "This is why it'll take us ages to get to dinner… Hopefully, she'll find something she likes and we'll be on our way."

Sai sighed and grabbed the shirt from Sakura, heading into his closet to change as she tossed him a trouser to go with it.

"Why did you break into his room?" the blonde asked Sakura.

Sakura smiled. "Gaara did it."

"Why?"

Gaara shrugged. "The psycho said she had to make sure everything was perfect."

Sakura stopped rifling through Sai's clothes long enough for her to give Gaara the finger.

"Don't tell me you added this to the contract…"

"Just for the guys," Sakura said. "They never ask for help even though they obviously need it."

"But this is ridiculous. Sai wasn't told about it."

"He doesn't seem too upset."

"Sakura, we can't change everything on a whim. Remove that clause. People should get to feel comfortable in whatever they choose themselves."

Sakura sighed. "That's what Ino said."

"Well, she's right. Look, we can offer the help…but we can't just impose on everyone."

Sakura nodded. "But…you came early…"

Naruto smiled. "I had a feeling you'd do something like this…and I figured I'd need a whole extra hour to argue with you."

"Smart boy."

Minutes later Naruto and Sai were decked out in what her highness deemed passable.

Naruto looked affronted in his black pants and smart blue shirt, wondering how old he'd be when women would finally allow him to dress himself. At home it was his mom and _here_...well, Sakura, Ino, Hinata and occasionally, Iruka all seemed to think his love of orange was a desperate subconscious cry for help.

Naruto had tried to tell them that his subconscious was preoccupied with thinking up ways to incorporate ramen into ice-cream and was much too busy to cry for help.

He sighed as Sai finally opened his bathroom door, exiting with a tired sigh.

Sakura smiled. "Perfect."

Gaara and Naruto knew Sai was being let off easy. If he'd had more clothes than Sakura had found, they'd have been stuck there all night. She'd probably even had called Hinata and Iruka as fashion backup.

Dressed in smart black pants and a cream button-down shirt, Sai figured if there were any celebrity functions in town, he could easily get through the door...maybe.

He grabbed the jacket Sakura handed him and headed out with Naruto.

They got to the restaurant in record time considering only ten minutes had crawled by since they left KU.

They drove uphill to the lone building and Sai stared.

Crossings was Konoha's most expensive, most exclusive, world renowned five star restaurant and Naruto had the balls to just toss the valet his keys, bump the doorman's fist and say "_wassup_" to the maître d'.

Sai was in awe.

Either Naruto was super rich and didn't understand just how big a deal it was to actually have your body allowed onto the premises...or he was _way _too down to Earth to care.

Sai was hard pressed to figure out which one it was.

As Naruto tugged at his hand, he was brought out of his reverie as they walked to their table.

A window seat.

Naruto smiled at the look of awe on Sai's face as he looked out the window and down at their town.

"Beautiful..." Sai muttered.

Naruto nodded, speaking softly. "Yeah... I love the view from here. It's-"

"Breathtaking."

"Exactly."

Naruto was more than pleased to realise that Sai was enjoying the view just as much as he was.

"I'd love to paint it."

Naruto grinned. "That could be arranged."

Sai spun, "Really?"

"Of course. This place is-"

"Naruto!"

"Oh no."

They turned to see a tall blonde, rushing over to them.

Naruto stood just in time to be glomped back down onto his seat...before falling off it with the guy on top of him.

"Naruto! I haven't seen you in **ages**! Where the _hell _have you been?"

"In college. And I was here last week."

"_Last week_? **Lies**!"

"Come down Dei, you weren't in at the time."

Naruto struggled to get the long haired blonde off him. Ignoring him, the taller blond looked up from the floor and smiled at Sai.

"Hey there. Forgive Naruto's manners-"

"Hey!"

"-I'm Deidara, his cousin."

Sai smiled, amused. "Sai."

Naruto spent the better part of the evening swearing slow, painful deaths to Deidara and cursing his ancestors before realizing that was pointless and instead cursing all future offspring.

Sai seemed to be having a splendid time and Naruto spotted both Ino and Kiba at others tables, looking highly amused.

Hell, it was his own fault for bringing a date there.

He usually just showed up with friends.

Naruto sighed in defeat as _somehow_, Deidara produced a photo album with his baby pictures and a video from his phone, of a toddler Naruto being given a bath.

"Did Kyuubi put you up to this?"

Deidara looked offended. "Whyever would you think _that_?"

"That's Kyuubi's phone."

"Oh…" Deidara looked at the phone in his hand. "Um…no?"

Naruto stood and Deidara sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll leave…"

Sai looked at Naruto smugly when Deidara had finally left. "Your cousin's nice."

"He's also living on borrowed time," Naruto growled, sitting back down.

Sai smiled. "It wasn't that bad…"

"Really?"

"Well, your little butt was cute…"

"Sod off."

"Your dick was kinda small though."

"I was **three**! It was _supposed _to be small!"

"Excuses, excuses..."

Naruto planted his face onto the table. "I hate you."

Sai chuckled. "I'd feel the same way if I were you. But on the bright side, your butt hasn't lost it's cuteness."

Naruto laughed and looked up at Sai. "Gee thanks."

"No problem… Who's Kyuubi?"

Naruto smiled, "My evil older brother."

"You don't seem particularly traumatized by his evil…"

"Yeah well, that's because he taught most of it to me…and I _did _show his baby pictures to a girl he was dating a while back."

"So he's returning the favour."

Naruto smirked, "Hardly. I also showed her videos of him being potty trained."

"That's _**evil**_."

"Well, the student surpassed the master ages ago."

Sai grinned as a waiter came over. "You're pretty interesting."

Naruto smiled, slow and sexy. "I should hope so."

**(I am a sick page break. I blew chunks.)**

The date had been a major success. Naruto could only hope Kiba and Ino's went well.

He'd seen them both leave minutes earlier and realized that he'd have to get going soon too.

When Sai stifled a yawn, Naruto took that as their cue to leave, even though Sai protested that he was just ejecting the extra oxygen from his system.

They drove back with pleasant albeit tired, conversation.

Naruto shut down the engine and waited.

Sai looked at him. "I had fun…you were cute as a baby."

"You can't just let it go, can you?"

Sai snorted, "Uh…no?"

Naruto grinned. "Whatever. Come on, I'll walk you."

Before Sai could protest that he was in no way female, Naruto was already out of the car, helping him out and walking with him.

They stood at the dorm entrance. It was late and the only other students awake could be heard in the distance, at some apartment party.

"Goodnight."

Naruto shook Sai's hand, "Friends?"

Sai looked at Naruto's hand, a tad disappointed, before he nodded, "Friends."

Naruto looked down at his shirt and tugged at the tiny camera with his free hand before pushing its off switch and smiling up at Sai.

He then pulled weakly at Sai's hand, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Sai grinned, taking the hint, and moved closer to Naruto.

"Close your eyes."

Sai complied and Naruto pressed his lips to Sai's. Sai sighed and lightly fisted Naruto's shirt.

The blonde smiled against his lips and put an arm around his waist, pulling him flush against his torso.

He licked tentatively at Sai's lips and was granted entry. The kiss was passionate and exploring.

Keeping in mind that they were in a public place and sex out in the open was illegal, Naruto broke off the kiss and planted a soft one on Sai's cheek.

"I'll see you around."

Naruto drove away with one last wave at Sai.

Sai nodded, unable to speak, before stumbling into his dorm.

**(I am a sad little page break. I want icecream.)**

"How was your date?"

Naruto grinned. "It went well."

Sakura yawned. "We've been waiting up for you guys and I'm really too tired to stay up and watch the videos. Besides, Ino called and said she'd see us in the morning."

Gaara sighed. "Since we won't be able to watch them tomorrow because me and Sakura have our dates then, we'll just have to watch find time to watch all of them sometime during the week. I'll hold on to them till then."

Everyone nodded their agreement, except Kiba who seemed to be too tired to even nod.

The doorbell rang and they froze.

Sakura glared at Kiba. "She _already _wants her money back?"

Kiba gave Sakura the one-finger salute.

Naruto walked to the door, leaving all his lethargic friends in the kitchen.

He opened the door and frowned. "_Sasuke_?"

Sasuke smirked and walked in. Naruto backed away, leaving Sasuke room to enter until he realized that Sasuke was following him.

When his back made contact with the wall, Naruto held a hand up. "Er…what's-"

Sasuke grabbed his hand and pressed his body flush against Naruto's.

Naruto gasped as he felt soft lips come into contact with the sensitive skin at his neck. He sighed as Sasuke licked him slowly before biting down softly, making Naruto moan.

Sasuke ran his lips and tongue back up, along Naruto's jaw and up to his lips. There, he captured the blonde's lips in a kiss that could only be likened to the gentlest of caresses. Tongues grazed and sucked and Sasuke started to grind slowly into Naruto, failing to beat a groan back down.

The kiss began to get more passionate as Sasuke let Naruto's hand go and the blonde proceeded to bury both hands in Sasuke's hair. Sasuke's only response was wrapping his hands around Naruto's waist and pressing closer.

"_Dude_, they're making love with their _mouths_."

Naruto broke the kiss and turned to see his friends standing there, gaping. Well, Gaara was eating popcorn, nonplussed, but Sakura and Kiba seemed to be in shock.

Kiba looked down at his pants. "I think I might be gay."

Sakura snorted softly, still in abit of a daze. "Hell, I coulda told you _that_."

The two boys stepped away from each other, neither looking the least bit ashamed. Sasuke gave Naruto a quick smirk, "Think of that as me returning the favour."

Naruto watched expressionlessly as Sasuke then walked out the door.

"Well…"

Naruto looked at Gaara and raised an eyebrow at him.

Gaara smirked, "I believe the Uchiha just issued you a challenge."

Naruto smiled back, leaning against the wall, "Yes…and it would be in my best interests to accept."

Sakura and Kiba groaned.

"Gaara! Why the hell would you get him started!"

Gaara shrugged and walked into the kitchen, leaving the two fuming.

"Naruto, this is a _bad _idea. Do not listen to Gaara."

But Naruto wasn't listening. He had a wicked smirk on his face.

"He's too far gone Sakura, give up."

Sakura sighed.

Maybe Sasuke deserved what he was going to get.

Thinking back on Naruto's first victim, Sakura sighed again.

Sasuke was an idiot.

**(I am a fireman page break. I start fires.)**

Sunday went by with Naruto spending most of the day in bed and playing video games with Kiba who was trying to distract him from the Sasuke episode. Not that it was working with the way Naruto was pummeling his ass and saying stuff like "-do you want in on the Sasuke challenge?"

Before long, Kiba lost track of his 'get Naruto to not wanna break Sasuke' task and was swearing up a storm as he was defeated time and time again. In his defense, Naruto had had years of practice.

Unfortunately for them, Monday decided that people liked Sunday way too much and decided to cut it short.

Naruto and Kiba were awoken at half past midnight and laughed when they saw Sakura and Gaara dragging themselves in, exhausted.

Kiba smiled. "We have class in a few hours."

The glares he received would have killed a lesser man but Kiba had been building immunity over the years and was pretty sure he had even developed a cure.

In the morning, Kiba and Naruto both deemed it their responsibility to wake their friends up, playing paramore's 'That's what you get' song through the whole house and serenading Gaara and Sakura.

An hour and three bruises later, Kiba was glaring at Naruto as they all sat at the kitchen table.

Naruto just smiled innocently, "I didn't tell you to wake Sakura up."

Sakura smirked as she looked at her handiwork on Kiba's face.

Kiba scowled. "If anyone asks, I got the bruises in a bar fight against a super buff guy while protecting a beautiful young woman…"

Gaara snorted, "Like anyone would believe that…"

**(I am a waterman pagebreak. I stop fires. Duh.)**

Naruto ducked into his class.

They all stared at him and he stared back. "What?"

Iruka was staring at him. "Young man…are you lost?"

Naruto took a minute to register that and then laughed, reaching up to his head and pulling the green wig off, revealing his golden locks. He also removed the large dark shades he'd been wearing and smiled at his lecturer.

"Do I even _want _to know?" Iruka sighed.

"Probably not."

Kiba and Sakura came rushing in seconds later, slamming the door behind them.

Iruka shook his head. "I'm getting too old for this…"

Kiba and Sakura walked to their seats, shoving each other.

Iruka looked around. "Everyone here? Good, I'll begi-"

The door was thrown open and a pale boy shut it behind him, leaning heavily against it as the people on the other side seemed to try to destroy the innocent piece of wood.

Seconds later, it was silent and he pushed himself off it, looking unapologetic.

The class was staring at him.

"Ah, Mr. Uchiha…I was thinking you wouldn't make it."

Naruto stared hard.

Sasuke…

In his class…

What the hell was _he _doing here?

Iruka turned to them. "Mr. Uchiha here will be with us for the next month or so. He just transferred from KT. I hope you make him feel welcome."

Sasuke walked to an empty seat that wasn't far enough to be labeled a loner but not near enough to show he wanted to be bothered.

"Mr. Uchiha-"

"It's just Sasuke," he said quietly.

Iruka nodded with a small smile. "Alright… Sasuke… I was just going to say how nostalgic this is… having both you and Naruto in my class."

Naruto raised an eyebrow questioningly at Iruka who smiled warmly and said, "Your brothers were both in my Psychology class when I just started here. They wreaked all sorts of havoc and only in their third year did I realize they didn't even _have _Psychology as one of their courses."

Naruto's mind was on overdrive.

Itachi… was Sasuke's _brother_?

He'd met the guy quite a few times when he'd been home from boarding school and Kyuubi had brought friends over.

He'd seemed like a pretty cool guy…well, not as cool as Kyuubi but he came in a close second.

Naruto chanced a glance at Sasuke. Now that he thought about it, he could see the resemblance.

"IRUKA!"

The door was thrown open and Iruka paled considerably as a brown haired man ran in and looked up at the students.

He turned to Iruka, "I heard the devil's second cousin's younger brother is in your class!"

Iruka sighed, "Yes Genma. And please don't refer to him as such."

Genma looked up again and spotted Naruto.

He ran up the steps and halted in front of the blonde. "Surely your evil senses are tingling now."

Naruto stared at him in amusement. "Not right now, sir. Sorry."

"Damn."

He then walked stealthily to Sasuke. "YOU!"

Sasuke blinked.

"You're that menace's kin!"

Sasuke maintained silence.

"Itachi's kid brother, eh?" Genma sighed dramatically. "Let's hope you don't start any fires."

"Fires?"

"Yeah…" Genma looked thoughtfully. "Those were the most intelligent, _evil _little buggers I'd ever met. Itachi, Kyuubi and Deidara. I'm telling you now, it's a surprise they weren't at all interested in world domination. Now you and Naruto…well, Naruto's always had alittle 'world domination' fetish about him so I think-"

"Genma."

Genma turned to Iruka. "Yes?"

"First, you're cutting into my lecture time and second, please refrain from encouraging my students to take over the world. Did you learn nothing from encouraging Deidara?"

Genma frowned. "Well, I learnt that creativity in the chemistry lab isn't the best way to spurn a student's love of education."

Iruka nodded.

"But," Genma continued. "You gotta admit that explosion was _**cool**_."

"Please leave."

"But-"

"Now."

Genma pouted and walked out, making a show of leaving at the slowest pace imaginable, dragging his feet all the way.

When he was gone, Kiba smiled. "He's going to make an awesome patron for our agency."

Iruka paled and sat down heavily.

That could not be good.

He looked at Naruto and Sasuke who were eyeing each other openly, shaking his head when he thought about everything Genma had just put in their heads.

Naruto, Kiba and Gaara were already handfuls…especially with Sakura and that girl from KT, Hinata was it? And now they had apparently increased their numbers by accepting Ino into their little crowd.

An Uchiha in the works could _not _be good.

He thought of the generation that had left just four years before… They'd been just like his current students.

He sighed.

There was no way a group like that could rise again from the proverbial ashes.

Akatsuki was long gone.

Somewhere, in a restaurant not too far away, a group of people sneezed.

They all looked at each other and smiled.

"So…" A woman with blue hair smiled warmly. "What's the agenda for today?"

Itachi leaned back in his chair and looked at Kyuubi. "Well, Konan…"

Kyuubi grinned. "I think it's time we handed over the college title."

The others looked at him and laughed.

"What… _now_?" a redhead smirked.

"It's never too late." Itachi stated. "Besides, Sasuke's met Naruto."

"Really?" a blue skinned guy chuckled. "Okay then… Sure, why not?"

"Who's going to watch them?" the woman asked.

"Well, Kankurou will be graduating soon and Temari's apparently got a little brother there."

"So it really _is _the next generation, huh?" a tattooed guy sighed sadly.

"Yup," Itachi smiled fondly. "Oh, before I forget, I want them all to be perfectly in sync by Sasuke's birthday next month."

"How do we do that?"

"Well…it'll be easy. We issue a challenge."

"A challenge?"

Kyuubi smirked, "Yes…a dare."

**A/N: Yo.**

**How'd you like them apples?**

**Review Reply: Chapter three**

**Gaarin**: I certainly hope I can make it work. I will do everything short of a blowjob to appease you XD Much wuv for da wiviews…

**Danger13**: Look! Look! I updated!

**Trullsa**: Ah…my wittle zombie…aren't you cute? LOL, hope your craving was satisfied… :)

**Dust66**: Yay! I love your demanding reviewing self! And thus, I have updated…

**Animeyaoimaster**: hewo Oh reviewer of little words…Thanks :)

**Jurra99**: YOU MUST ACCEPT THE DARES DAMMIT! Ah yes, boys will indeed be horny, hump-everything-that-doesn't-shake-you-off boys…

**Nazniz**: A doujinshi version of this fic? I'd love to see one of those too… *sigh*

**SengetsuPwnzU**: LOL, not everyone was as pleased as the SasuNeji fans, hehe…And yet, every SasuNeji fan said SasuNaru was way hotter XD hey, at least they get to enjoy both worlds eh? (Um…I didn't even know there was a yaoi universe…)

**7thtreasure**: 'like a screaming fangirl'? *snorts* You are a screaming fangirl…

**SaVvYsWeEt**: I like SasuNeji too…when it's on the road to SasuNaru… *smiles*

**LightXL-Ment2B:** LOL, he is isn't he? Haha! Yup, I'm glad you're not complaining XD We all love Karma now huh? Gaara's closet is on the outskirts of a black hole and as such, he can pass you all your missing shoes and the jumper you thought you lost… Needless to say, Neji has his work cut out for him… DON'T APOLOGISE DAMMIT! I LOVE LONG REVIEWS! Note the capital letters.

**KatrinaEagle**: Hey! LOL, you're like, Betsy's only fan…well, after Neji XD

**JellyfishZombie**: Eh…I hope you took days to wake up and uh…look *small voice* I updated? I'm glad you like it ? And maybe you should look deep down inside to see if you really love me (cause love comes with cookies and chocolate…everyone knows that).

**Auzurite**: Have I mentioned how I love your penname? It's so…pretty… :3 OF COURSE HE'LL WANT MORE THAN ONE DATE, NARUTO'S AWESOME! Lol… I didn't know where I was going with the SasuNeji bit…it kinda wrote itself…

**Cardcaptor111**: Your battle cries are…um…well… So, lovely day outside huh? Sankyu!

**StarrburstNoodles**: Yeah…Neji should stick to his own pillows… SasuNaru? Where? I mean…yeah, sure… 'What a tard'? LOL, he was tired! Thanks for all da reviews :3

**Ilvecoffee-n-narutoYOUTH: **UKETTISH? Well…if it wasn't a word then, it certainly is one now… I made him man-up…I think… Because as we all know, sex solves everything. Hell, if all the leaders of the world would calm down long enough to sleep with each other, we wouldn't have so many wars…

**Katelyn**: Don't die! Don't die! I updated!

**Kuurio**: I dunno, I kinda love the Blues…they remind me of my family :3 You're kinda nuts aren't you? *backing away slowly*

**NaruSasuNarulover**: *spins around elegantly before falling, getting up…and giving the good guy pose* I did XD

**thatMuzikfreak**: for that line, props go to 7thtreasure for giving me the inspiration about how most cows are called betsy, hehe… dunno how true that is but is does seem to fit, eh? Thanks for the love, can I have a cookie?

**SasuNaru Remains Forever**: It wasn't a cliffy I swear!

**Chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **Thanks *bows* You'll find that Naruto can be really into getting what he wants…

**Lingo10**: Friends are so helpful sometimes…but Sasuke couldn't even finish the job, damn him!

**Betwixtnbtw**: Mess and complicated are the best relationships to observe! (cause obviously, having them yourself is just plain stupid)… Hope I'm not moving too fast with the plot *smiles8 Hey, lookee there! I actually have a plot!

**Blensh-lq**: *In shock* Being lazy isn't good! It's AWESOME!

**Ugottalongway2go**: Dying happy is a good way to go… :3

**BEHOLD, THE BUTTON OF BUTTONS!**

**CLICK TO ASK LIFE CHANGING QUESTIONS: "What's the meaning of life?", "Will I ever find true happiness", "When will bunnies achieve world peace?" and yes, even "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?" **

**INDEED THE REVIEW BUTTON IS A MASTER AMONG BUTTONS!**


	5. Akatsuki challenge arrival

**Konoha Dating Agency**

by Rizember

**xxx-xxx**

**Summary:** On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start an agency where they offer "the most romantic date you'll ever have" with a 'one date only' policy… humour, romance…sasunaru

**xxx-xxx**

**Chapter 5: Of Dates and Dares**

**xxx-xxx**

**Beta'ed by:** [UnBeta'ed]

**xxx-xxx**

**IMPORTANT(ish): Update notice: Falling for him update will be up on Saturday (17th July).**

**xxx-xxx**

**Disclaimer**: yaddee yaddaa…I own naddaa…

**xxx-xxx**

"I declare that I, Uzumaki Naruto, being of sound mind and _awesome _body-"

"Naruto…"

The blonde sighed as Ibiki shot him a look that stated he clearly wasn't amused.

Yeah well, Naruto had offered (that is, been _threatened into offering_) his services to the Law students. They were having a mock trial and Ino thought it would be fun to use _him _as the defendant instead of some poor, unsuspecting freshman.

Ino and Gaara shared a few law classes. Gaara was studying criminal law while Ino took family law as her major and art as a minor.

Ino glared at Naruto who just huffed, looking bored.

He hadn't _wanted _to do this so really, what did she expect?

He sighed as she started making frantic arm signals that all implied his impending doom.

Gaara looked amused at the whole situation.

Naruto was supposed to be playing the role of a man who'd hit his wife and was claiming his innocence, or as Naruto put it, "it wasn't really his fault", which according to Ibiki was not an actual term of defense and would be counted as a confession in a real court.

Naruto didn't know why he had to even _be _there. His major was Architecture and he had Music as a minor. He didn't understand why he was apparently being punished before doing anything wrong.

Wondering why the hell he'd agreed in the first place, Naruto sat still, ignoring the looks he was being given from fans (the girls watching from outside) and irritated students (Ino).

He had thought lawyers were supposed to do all the talking. Really, wasn't that why they got paid so much? And why was there a law school in K.T as well as in K.U. Sure there were _a lot_ of people who wanted to be law students but still…

He sighed and watched boredly as Yuugito, the girl who was prosecuting him asked, "So…why did you hit your wife?"

Naruto blinked, "I thought I already said I didn't."

His 'wife' was Tayuya, a girl who was taking Music as a major. She was loud, abrasive and her impressive swearing skills should have been included in Sailor degree programs. She took Arts as a minor from K.U so Naruto knew she'd also been roped into the Law students' little charade.

She smirked at Naruto from behind her white hanky and he winked at her, wondering how they'd managed to get her to wear a dress for the event.

Tayuya sniffed into the hanky and stood, pointing shakily at Naruto. "You _bastard_! You're lying! All these years, you used me as your private punching bag and-"

Naruto stood, "Whoa! I bought a punching bag so I wouldn't _have _to hit you!"

Gaara chuckled, "So you admit to being violent Mr. Uzumaki?"

Naruto snorted. "It's for my training."

"But you just said-"

"I also own kitchen knives. Maybe I should be charged for that, too."

"You could be charged with contempt of court," The judge, Ino, stated dryly.

Naruto shrugged, "You know, for a scared, battered woman, she doesn't seem quite as shaken up as she should be."

Ino sighed. "Mr. Uzumaki, please shut the hell up."

Ibiki shot a disapproving glance at Ino who just smirked and said, "My court."

"So…Mr. Uzumaki. Do you enjoy hitting women?"

"_What_? There's _**more **_women claiming I hit them? Gosh man, I was just married to one!"

Gaara smiled, "Do you think this is funny, Mr. Uzumaki?"

"Look, I'm just saying that my wife over there is chatting up my brother who's supposed to be here as my support so _really_, shouldn't this be a divorce case or something?"

Everyone turned to look at Tayuya who was indeed chatting up Naruto's 'brother', Kiba.

Kiba grinned and gave Naruto a thumbs up

Naruto shot out of his chair, "You're my _brother_! How could you do this to me!"

"Look dude," Kiba shrugged. "She's kinda hot and well…you're going to jail so…"

Ino groaned. "I'm ready to make judgement."

"But the jury hasn't even-"

"Quiet you! Naruto, I find you innocent of the charges against you. But you get twenty four hours community service for being a smart Alec… and cause even if you did hit your wife, I have a feeling she was asking for it…"

Tayuya stuck her tongue out at Ino.

"And," Ino continued. "Kiba, I charge you with contempt of court and being an ass for showing disregard for the bro-code by hitting on your mate's wife. Also, Tayuya, for being a whore, I grant Naruto the divorce he'll obviously ask for and he's getting everything. Oh…and you gotta buy as all pizza for lunch."

Tayuya snorted, "Like hell I do."

"You do actually," Ibiki sighed. "She's the judge…and I want the large meaty surprise with extra cheese."

_Free Pizza_? Naruto was starting to appreciate the geeky lengths to which the law students took their trials. And there he was thinking Ino and Gaara were actually learning stuff.

Naruto got out of the witness stand and made to pounce on Gaara, who knew him like a book and sidestepped, leaving the blonde kissing the floor.

"Hey dude," Kiba smirked, offering Naruto a hand. "About your wife…"

Naruto laughed, "You can have her. I'd just end up killing her the next time I beat her."

Tayuya chuckled, "He just confessed!"

"Well," Gaara stifled a yawn. "We can't try him again over the same charges. Double jeopardy and all that…"

"Damn," Tayuya sighed. "Anywho, you guys are so lucky I just got my allowance. Let's go grab that pizza."

**(I am the king of all page breaks. Bow before me)**

They large group of law students had just arrived at Pete's Pizza parlour when Naruto's phone rang.

"Naruto?"

"Hey Sakura, what's up?"

"You missed class today. You and your pet."

"Ino? You wanna talk to her?"

"I meant Kiba, stupid… wait, what are you doing with Ino?"

"Having a wild orgy..." Naruto replied dryly. "Kiba and Gaara are here, too."

"Where?"

"We're in town."

Sakura sighed, "I don't even wanna know. All of you need to get back here. It's important."

Sakura hung up before Naruto could ask and he sighed, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

Walking in, he spotted the large group of people. They were pretty hard to miss as they'd put two tables together and were really loud. Ibiki didn't seem to mind the noise. He must have developed a super power that silenced the student world as he stared blankly around him.

Ino looked up at Naruto, arching an eyebrow in question.

He sighed. "Sakura said we gotta go back."

"We?"

"Yeah…we."

Kiba snorted, "Is today anyone's birthday?"

Ino thought for a second before shaking her head, "Nope."

"And Gaara's here with us so we know no one's been murdered," Kiba chuckled.

"And _you're _here so we know no one's been bitten," Gaara smirked.

"And since _you're _here, we know no one's been arrested for sexual harassment," Kiba laughed.

Gaara flipped him off and returned to ordering his pizza.

Naruto grinned, sitting by Gaara. "Shouldn't we get going?"

"Did she sound frantic?"

"No…she sounded normal but she did say it's important."

"Well, if it was, she'd have given details," Kiba pointed out. "Besides, dude…it's free pizza! Unless she has something better to offer, like a _blowjob_, I'm not leaving this table."

"Has he always been this crude?" Ino asked, disgusted.

"Yeah…the pound threw him out because of it," Gaara stated.

Kiba growled, "Ha. Funny. Tell it again."

When the pizza arrived, Naruto stared at him.

"I recall ordering a large meaty pizza so unless I'm mistaken, my pizza should look just like Professor Ibiki's…"

Ino looked at him. "We decided to start with the Veggie Delight first. The Meat Deluxe special is coming after this."

"Why the _hell _would you order _this_?"

"Just eat the damn food."

"Nah, it's cool. You guys finish this one up and I'll wait for the real food to get here."

"Naruto. Eat."

Ino was giving him her warning, scathing glare…which was usually followed by a sharp pain to the head with side effects such as dizziness, a splitting headache and nausea. He was sure that in some states, Ino was a wanted, escaped convict.

Naruto glared at the vegetables, plopped part of a green pepper into his mouth and swallowed. This was followed by a grimace and lots of orange soda.

Ino sighed, looking at the rest of the pizza…which was really still all there as Naruto's 'bite' couldn't be considered. "You'll never grow up if you do things half-assed."

"I think you'll find that I play video games with my _whole _ass."

"Nice."

"Yeah…it is."

The pizza had to be eaten by Ino and Gaara alone as even Kiba and Tayuya were impartial to meaty goodness and believed correctly, that vegetables were for bunnies.

There was a loud cheer from the three when the special finally got there.

Ino watched in disgust as the pizza vanished minutes after being put down and another was ordered.

"You know Sakura's gonna kill us right?" Kiba pointed out, picking up another slice.

The others shrugged. They might as well savour their meal if it was to be their last..

When they were done, they all left the parlour and went to their own cars.

Naruto waved at the law students as they walked away.

"Okay guys, game plan," Kiba started. "We can all pretend Naruto didn't tell us Sakura called and let him take the heat. All in favour say 'aye'."

"Aye!"

Naruto stood by Gaara, the only one who hadn't said 'aye' simply because it was a really dorky thing to say.

"You guys suck."

Ino chuckled, dragging Naruto and Gaara along. "We'll wing it. Let's go."

**(I am a page break. Yay.)**

The four friends looked at Naruto's front door apprehensively.

"I'm all for not showing up at all," Gaara offered.

The nodded in agreement but just as they turned to escape, the door was thrown open and they found themselves staring at a very angry pinkette.

"Where the _hell _have you guys been?" Sakura asked, looking mighty pissed.

Hinata was having a milkshake and Naruto thought he should really start looking his fridge. Kiba and Ino looked innocently back at her.

"Our bus broke down."

"_What _bus? You all **drive**!"

"Exactly."

As Sakura sputtered angrily, they walked in past her.

Naruto looked past all of them, staring at a random visitor who was looking particularly pale today.

"What are you doing here?"

Sasuke met his gaze head on and smirked, "I received a package."

"Uh… congratulations. I hope it makes you very happy."

"Idiot," Sasuke ran a hand tiredly through his hair. "It was from my brother…and it had instructions to get it to you, unopened."

Naruto looked at the bulky looking wrapped package Sasuke was looking at wondering how he hadn't noticed it. It took up a lot of space and they all had to stand around it as it barely left any room for free movement of people traffic in the passage to the lounge.

"Why didn't you give it to these guys?" Naruto asked, eyeing the large wrapped box.

"It said to give it to you."

"I don't even know your brother."

"No," Sasuke agreed darkly. "You don't."

"So…" Naruto moved closer to it. "What is it?"

"I don't know. A bomb?"

"And you brought it here?"

"Why should I die alone?"

"What if a bunch of fangirls mailed themselves here?" Ino asked.

"What, eighth time's the charm?" Kiba asked.

Naruto rolled his eyes and walked toward the huge wrapped box. The others rushed forward to help, mostly because of a deep love for ripping presents open.

Once the wrapping paper was gone, Naruto opened the large box underneath.

"Uh…it's a table."

Kiba looked down at the large piece of furniture. "A round table…"

"Did I recently subscribe to some sort of Camelot club?"

Kiba looked thoughtful, "I don't think so… Maybe your fangirls have disguised themselves as a table…?"

Sakura smacked his head.

Naruto looked at the slip of paper on top of the table and read it out loud. "This is a dare, long winded and challenging but highly rewarding. It may interfere with other activities. For all your questions, concerns and general pettiness, please refer to the cue cards provided underneath the table."

"Cue cards?"

Naruto leaned down into the box and reached for the small stack of cards held together by a thin, clear rubber band. He read the first card. "_Yes, cue cards_."

The rubber snapped and flicked off, hitting Kiba's cheek.

"OW! Dammit, you could've taken my eye out!"

Naruto ignored his friend and put the first card away, reading the second one. "_Watch the rubber band. It could take an eye out_."

"The bastard," Sasuke muttered, eyeing the cards with distaste.

Hinata frowned. "That's…really creepy."

Naruto smiled, reading the next card. "_Yeah, it is_."

"Okay, now you're just making stuff up."

Naruto held up the next card so they could all read it. "_No, he isn't this making stuff up_."

"We should test it," Kiba smirked, a red line marring his cheek. "Um…okay, what number am I thinking of? I'll whisper the answer to Hinata."

Naruto nodded and when Kiba whispered to Hinata, the blonde held up the card.

"_You were thinking about 98 but you told Hinata she's hot."_

Both Kiba and Hinata looked suitably impressed.

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Kiba, you're such a dog."

"Why?" he smirked. "Not my fault your ass looks big in those jeans."

The slap Kiba received was claimed to have been the cause of a small earthquake miles away and was heard by most of the student body, including those wearing headsets.

Kiba fell over the back of the couch, his head still spinning from Sakura's demonic strength. He held a hand to his cheek and moaned.

Sakura smirked at him.

"You brought that on yourself dumbass," Gaara sighed.

Kiba gathered the energy to raise his free hand and give him the finger.

"Okay…" Ino sighed, ignoring Kiba. "So…what's with the table?"

Naruto took the cards and shuffled them. "Might as well make it interesting," he supplied.

He held up the card and his eyes widened.

"_Shuffling the cards eh? Nice move. Anyway, the table was ours. We're passing it down to you_."

"A round table?"

By now, they all believed Naruto wasn't making the answers up and he read them out as they asked their questions. "_We had a leadership disagreement_."

"About what?" Hinata asked

"_About who would be leader_. _Duh._"

"And the table comes in…how?"

"_There were no arguments about the ladder of power or position in the group because there was no one sitting at the head of the table and everyone was unanimously the second in command when we finally did choose a leader."_

They all stared at Naruto.

He blinked and snorted, holding the card up, showing them the tiny letters used to fit that whole sentence on the small piece of paper.

"Great," Kiba groaned, still on the ground. "So we're dealing with a bunch of psychotic geniuses."

"You mean _psychic_," Sasuke provided.

"No," the boy glared. "I mean _psychotic_."

"So…" Naruto turned to Sasuke who was staring blankly at the floor. "What do we do now?"

Sasuke seemed to be carrying out a major debate in his head. Eventually, he looked up. "We call a plastic surgeon, get passports and new identities and-"

"Isn't that abit much?" Naruto asked dryly.

"You're right," the raven paused. "The surgery will just delay us. We should-"

"Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Calm down."

He looked at Naruto. "I am calm."

He had the kind of calm possessed by many a strait-jacketed man.

Naruto took an unconscious step back. "Uh huh…"

"Really. I am."

Ino sighed, glancing warily at Sasuke. "Okay…we don't have to accept the challenge to take over. It's not like we even _want _to. We can just send this stuff back."

Naruto shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Even though it's a dare?" Kiba asked, surprised.

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, it's not like there's anything in it for us."

"So...what's the return address?" Sakura asked.

Naruto looked over the box and found nothing. He turned to the cue cards.

"_You can't back out. This challenge has been issued and you'd save time to just accept it now because you will, sooner or later,_" he read.

"Oh yeah?" Kiba asked gruffly. "When?"

Naruto chuckled as he read the next card, "_Sooner or later, dumbass. __**That's **__when_."

Kiba growled and got up slowly off the floor, flinching when Sakura glared at him.

"So…what now?" Gaara asked, bored.

Naruto read another card. "_Go outside and accept the challenge_."

Naruto blinked before turning-

And being stopped.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Sasuke asked, annoyed.

"Outside," the blonde said slowly.

"What if it's a trap?"

Naruto looked at a card and held it up for Sasuke to read himself. "_It's not a trap, stupid. Go_."

"Good enough for me." Kiba brushed past them and walked out.

They watched as he went down the steps and looked around. Finding nothing, he turned back to the house and froze.

"Damn."

The others rushed out and stared at the house.

It had been teepeed. Toilet paper was strewn over it and whoever had done it either had perfect aim or had had years of practice. There were blotches of yellow and cracked shells as well.

"But…what time did they….?" Ino asked.

"Dude…they threw _eggs _at your _house_…" Kiba whispered to Naruto.

Naruto's mouth was hanging open.

There was a black flag with a single red cloud on his roof.

"Naruto?" Sakura touched Naruto's hand.

"Those _bastards_!"

Sasuke smirked. "So what now?"

"I accept the bloody challenge!"

Before Sasuke could retort, his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello Sasuke, please put me on loudspeaker. This is Itachi."

Though hesitant, Sasuke did as he was asked. The others listened as he beckoned them closer.

"I'm sure you've never seen such perfected work," Itachi chuckled. "I'm pleased you accepted our little challenge."

"What do you want?"

"To pass on the title of course…if you win."

"Win what?"

"Well, the Akatsuki cup of course."

Kiba's eyes glistened with excitement. "There's a cup?"

"Of course. Two teams must face each other, they can be a mix of K.T and K.U or exclusively from one of the colleges… You'll face off in a number of challenges and the winner gets the title and of course, the cup."

"Is it a big cup?"

The others glared at Kiba. He shrugged.

"Yes Kiba," Itachi sighed on the other end. "It's a big cup."

"You said two teams. Are you old farts the other team?" Sasuke asked mockingly.

"Yes and no. Some challenges will involve battles with us, or with the other team. There'll be a small get together this Saturday so you can meet us_ old farts_…and your opponents."

"Swell," Ino snorted. "But sorry, I'm not doing this for a stupid cup."

"Well," Itachi chuckled. "There's also a year's membership at Dawn's for all females in the winning group."

Ino and Sakura's eyes widened. They may have been rich but it was _impossible _to get onto the Dawn's premises without an appointment unless you were the queen…and they'd been told that the place was fully booked for the next five years but they'd be given a call if an opening occurred. Even the janitors had to make yearly appointments to get there and clean the place.

"I take it you're in?" Itachi inquired patronizingly.

Naruto exhaled noisily. "Who _are _you guys?"

"You'll find out on Saturday. And don't worry, we teepeed and egged the other dorms too."

Naruto scowled as Itachi hung up and the dialing tone replaced his voice.

"Is he for real?" Gaara asked, the only one there who didn't seem convinced.

Out of a recently developed habit, Naruto stared at the cue cards that were still in his hand and read. "_Yes, I'm for real. Choose nine people to be on your team. They must all be together on Saturday. You'll also each be rewarded something you desperately want, if you participate and win. And in addition, if Sasuke's team wins, no more birthday shockers_."

"Well…that was oddly specific," Sasuke muttered.

"Birthday shockers?" Gaara glanced at Sasuke.

"Long story. Involves torture."

"I'd love to hear it."

"I wouldn't," Sakura frowned.

"So…" Hinata started. "We're a team?"

They looked at Sasuke.

He sighed. "Fine."

They smiled at him and-

"DOG PILE!"

-tackled him to the ground and piled themselves on each other.

"So," Naruto said, his voice strained as he was the one directly over Sasuke and under the weight of the other four. "We're dealing with your psycho brother and will be spending a lot of time together. Probably in this _very position…_"

Sasuke smirked, "Is that a pick up line?"

"A very original one…"

Sasuke snorted as he felt Naruto's breath fan him when the blonde chuckled. They were almost perfectly aligned, with Naruto's leg between his own.

Naruto shifted slightly and Sasuke choked back a groan.

The blonde paused and smirked slowly, looking down at him and he wondered the situation had become so…

_Hot._

On top of them, the others were sprawled randomly and were chatting about some law assignment Gaara and Ino had to do.

"Is this _really _the place?" Sasuke whispered frantically.

Naruto made a move like he was trying to get the others off, pressing his groin to Sasuke's as he tried to lift the rest of his body, making the others laugh at his attempt as he quickly fell back down, his body slightly crashing into Sasuke's.

The raven's breath hitched and he glared at Naruto even as he felt the blood rushing somewhere it really had no business being at the moment.

"I hate you."

Naruto squirmed again, chuckling as he swore to the others that he was both strong _and _awesome enough to remove them off him, giving everyone a valid excuse for his movements against Sasuke's body.

Sasuke bit his lip, stifling a moan at the blonde's unorthodox grinding.

Naruto somehow made sure Kiba had the others' attention before he leaned down and licked Sasuke's ear whispering, "Isn't this _exciting_?"

Sasuke jerked against Naruto's body.

"Finally!" Kiba sniggered. "Sasuke's trying to fight back!"

Sasuke swore.

"Don't get mad man," Kiba stated in a move to pacify Sasuke's failure to dislodge them. "I'm a heavy weight champion."

Sasuke snorted at that, his glare still on fixed on the tan, blue eyed boy above him.

Naruto moved his leg, pretending to try to crawl away even as his thigh pressed hard against Sasuke's now obvious arousal.

"Guys…we still haven't watched the videos," Gaara announced, from the top of the pile, right over Ino.

"Okay troops!" Kiba barked suddenly. "Release the prisoner!"

Sasuke's eyes widened as Gaara gracefully removed himself from the tangle of limbs and legs.

Naruto beamed down at him as the others got up and off them.

Kiba was right on top of Naruto and before he could move, the blonde leaned down and whispered something in Sasuke's ear.

Sasuke paled, made a face, and got up seconds later without a boner in sight.

As the others made their way inside, Sasuke shot Naruto an "I'm going to kill you later…but thanks" kind of glare. The newest glare in his arsenal.

Naruto chuckled as he and Gaara walked toward the front door, the last of the group.

"Get a room next time," the redhead smirked.

Naruto blushed lightly. "Hmm… Of course, but that was way more fun. Thanks for cutting it short."

Gaara waved his hand dismissively at Naruto's sarcastic tone. "Any time. So what exactly did you say to him?"

"I told him that his parents are both nymphomaniacs."

Gaara paled. "Dude, that's both gross…and ingenious."

"I _am _quite the genius."

"OI! GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE!"

Gaara sighed and led the way in.

**xxx-xxx**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. School started. Like I said up top, Falling For Him is next on the update list, followed by Destined and then The Four Seasons. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**PS: If you're interested, I have a new fic up (yay for shameless advertising). It's not particularly a humour fic like the rest (at least, not yet) & is based on "His Dark Materials"...it's smutty, has NaruSasu (yes in chapter 1) & eventually, NaruShukaku (human form of demon Shukaku) & GaaKyuubi (again, a demon-human Kyuu. I can't really do bestiality. Creeps me out alittle).**

**xxx-xxx**

**Review Reply:**

**RedYentl: **Technically, soon isn't really defined so...*clears throat* erm... Thanks for all the reviews :3

The magic review button says "no, those pajamas hide your big butt really well"...hehe. I've never actually thought of Ino with Gaara but then again, my fics write themselves so I guess I might start thinking about it...

**Danger13: **the story is continuing! Lol, no crises here... Danger Approved? Damn... *starts changing plot*

**Lingo10: **oh they are...they are... Wait...did **that **count as a hot SasuNaru scene?

**Mrs Hatake Itachi: **Thanks *bows*

**YuTa-chan: **Okay...I'll set up a poll to see if people want ItaKyuu although I figured they'd just be best friends and Itachi could be with Deidara... Oh well, we'll see ;) haha, I aim to please

**Mystique Monique aka Mina**: thanks so much XD

**ark gabriel: **heh, yea, I am pretty awesome *chuckles*

**7thtreasure: **screaming fan girl! How ya doin? Emotionally hurt? In MY fics? *pause* yeah well, shit happens, lol. Genma's pretty normal in Lockdown...but then again, I kinda made everyone _else_ nuts so... XP BE STRONG IRUKA!

**cocopower1: **thankyou *dances around happily*

**Kuurio: **Lame-ass dare...I know *fails at life* Ruling the world begins in college XP

**Kanazerosukenaru: **hehe, Sasuke's challenge was weak. He's losing already. Yay SasuNaru hotness!

**cardcaptor111: **MY APPLES! Firemen ARE liars, looking all buff and manly and playing with fire and...*plot bunny pops up* DAMN YEWWWW!

**Auzurite: **haha, figured you would. Evil is such a _strong _word...and fits perfectly ;)

**Dust66:** long chapters? *pouts* okay...COOKIES! Even though you mentioned something important about fangirls, evil bunnies and Bruce lee, I was just wondering when the cookies would get here...

**Mary-before I became a member: **thankyou *strikes **awesome guy pose***

**ilvecoffee-n-narutoYOUTH: **My soon-to-be-but-terribly-late beta! Sup XP aren't they ALL cute? lol

**ugottalongway2go: **patience is a virtue...and goes great with buttered toast.

**Stargazer: **I quite like evil Hinata myself. She's a character I cherish :) (when badass)

**Juura99:** Er..."**UCHIHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA**!" um...that's...scary. Wish I could go on a date like that...Randomness makes the world go round XP heh, you're weird :)

**Sprig: **Poor Naruto's first victims...wish I knew what he did to them too...heh. Dare was kinda disappointing huh?

**KyouyaxCloud: **Yes, this fic is SasuNaru & NaruSasu... Whichever takes my fancy really... I think they're allowed to switch it up :) ItaKyuu? Not too sure but lemme know if you want that...

**Mizumi-cham: **fan art! I'd love some! Scene of your choice *beams*

**Lunarious1000: **course I like reviews, they make me warm inside :) yay! Let's hope my test results show I'm a genius too XD falling for Him will be updated on Saturday. I'm still writing it but will be done by Friday.

**chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **evil..._bunnies_...? *small voice* no. Noooooooo!

**YOUR AWESOMEE: **hewo :) look, look! It's written!

**JellyfishZombie: **yay, glad you thought so *grins happlily. Doing happy dance*

**Slave to my Pen: **thank you so very much! *break dancing*

**Narutofweak: **I dunno what they'll call themselves! Haha *scratching head nervously*

**NaruSasuNarulover: **I do enjoy leaving people hanging XP thanks for the get well wishes, I'm all better now!

**Gaarin: **poor bunnies. No world peace in sight just yet...you _are_ special! Just like me and all my imaginary friends! Blowjobs cost extra so...yes? Lol

**Dashllee: **magic is dangerous and all I have is my little book of fics...which is terribly slow!

**SengetsuPwnzU: **That's a saying? LMAO! Never heard it before...

**Akiraoniichan: **yes, I fall in love with stories all the time *sighs dreamily*

**xxx-xxx**

**For a lifetime supply of waffles and syrup, press 1**

**For Sasuke's duck hair gel, press 2**

**For world domination **_**and **_**a universal remote, press 3**

**For "why the hell aren't the above buttons working" and other issues, click on the review button below.**


	6. Dates and depth

**Konoha Dating Agency**

by Rizember

x-x

**Summary: **On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start an agency where they offer "the most romantic date you'll ever have" with a 'one date only' policy… humour, romance…sasunaru

x-x

**Disclaimer: **yadee yadaa, I own naddaa...

x-x

**Author's Note: I should be updating more frequently… I completely agree.**

x-x

**Chapter 6: The Dates**

**Xxx-xxx**

**Warning: **not so funny chapter.

x-x

Ino and Gaara had gone upstairs to get the videos of the dates while Hinata and Sakura made themselves milkshakes in the kitchen with Sasuke who had been dragged along by Hinata for no apparent reason.

When Sakura asked a question about whether Hinata thought the curtains she'd picked out were too flowery, Sasuke saw that as his cue to leave. He stealthily made his way out of the kitchen, wondering why he could hear the Pink panther tune playing in the background. Who knew what perils would have befallen him should he have chosen to stay…

When he walked into the lounge, he paused.

Naruto and Kiba were standing at the round table with a variety of books that were spread out and open on the table's surface.

Hinata walked up behind Sasuke and stilled at the scene as well.

Naruto and Kiba were talking in low tones, looking for all the world like they were well on their way to finding the solution to global warming.

Sasuke glanced back at Hinata in askance and she shrugged, equally lost.

Naruto was furiously taking down notes while Kiba pointed at two books and read the sentences out loud.

"Are they doing homework?" Sasuke whispered to Hinata.

Hinata just stared. "What time did they get all those books?"

"Project work?"

"Seriously, we came in like, two minutes ago."

"Course work?"

"I didn't even know they _owned _books."

With the silence of ninjas, Hinata and Sasuke crept closer to the two at the table, listening closely to anything that might explain the apparent odd behaviour of Naruto and Kiba.

Kiba sighed and stepped back, looking at Naruto. "Are you sure? I think we'd need a higher velocity for it to work."

Hinata and Sasuke shared a look.

Naruto shook his head. "No, it depends on the initial velocity, Kiba. And on the time given."

Kiba nodded. "Whether we're going for short and quick or a lengthy stream?"

"Exactly. We'd need to know the distance being covered."

Kiba frowned. "If we're doing a general determination, we'll need to use averages. We'll need a text book to get the mean volume for the-"

"What are you two doing?"

Hinata stood behind them, eyeing the books, papers and notes that were covered wit numbers, calculus and some...was that _quantum physics_?

Naruto smiled. "Oh hey Hinata. We're trying to know how hard we'd need to force out our pee to be able to pee onto the ceiling."

Hinata stared...and then walked quietly away, muttering to herself about how idiotic boys could be. Sasuke sighed, completely agreeing with Hinata but wondering if the two could actually figure it out. So he stayed to help them.

"You know you'd need to know average sizes worldwide, right?"

Kiba laughed. "Duh, can't take an average with you guys! My piece would have the number way too high."

Naruto snorted. "I've seen you naked, _little _Kibbles. Nothing special…_or _average."

"Are you saying I'm smaller than the average man?"

"No," the blond smirked. "I'm saying that you're smaller, period."

"Oh, you wanna go there, huh blondie?"

Sasuke tugged on Kiba's hand, stopping the feisty brunet from whipping out his penis and challenging Naruto to a duel with it or something.

He could already see it, the girls grabbing kitchen cutlery to attack the two idiots cause they found the swinging their dicks around like swords in what they thought would be a manly challenge.

Sasuke couldn't have that. He wanted to see Naruto for himself…by himself.

Fortunately, Kiba grudgingly adhered to Sasuke's warning glare and pulled his zip back up.

_Honestly._

Naruto just chuckled and turned to Sasuke. "And here I was, thinking you actually wanted to see me naked."

Sasuke snorted. "When I do, I'll let you know."

Kiba watched entranced as Naruto walked up to Sasuke, edging closer so Sasuke had his back to the table, watching him intently. Naruto's hand moved lazily over the tabletop, drawing Sasuke's eyes away from the rest of him.

Naruto stopped in front of the Uchiha. Darkened blue eyes held a challenge as they stared into dark unyielding ones, amusement hidden in their depth.

Naruto barely closed the distance between him and Sasuke, placing both hands onto the table, trapping the brunet.

He breathed softly onto Sasuke's neck and the brunet somehow managed to hold back a shiver, shutting his eyes in a welcome search for control.

The tension was profound, both of them feeling the warmth of the other through their clothes…both of them feeling the sensual craving that charged through them.

Naruto smiled slowly and blew a trail of warm air all the way up to Sasuke's ear. His tongue wet his lips and brushed the shell of the brunet's ear before he chuckled softly.

"You'll have to do a lot more than just 'letting me know', Sasuke," Naruto whispered tauntingly.

Sasuke bit his lip, hiding a smirk as he opened his eyes and let a hand slip round Naruto's waist, pressing the blond against him.

Oh, Naruto was good. He could admit that much…to himself.

He could already remember the feel of the blond's lips against his own… how fervent their last kisses had been… how his whole body had shivered with yearning to have the blond feel him, touch him, _taste_ him…

He could also remember how he'd lost that time.

No way in hell he was losing now.

Sasuke felt Naruto's thigh press against his legs and spread them slightly, reveling in the delicious feel of it stroking _slowly_ against him.

The challenge had already been issued.

Who would lose control first?

"Define 'a lot more'."

Sasuke abruptly pulled Naruto hard against him, triumphant at the gasp he received when the blond's groin pressed against his.

Naruto pulled back and looked directly at Sasuke. Their gazes locked.

With their bodies practically pasted together, it was easy to feel the erratic beating of their hearts, almost as if their blood was rushing in sync.

Sasuke was aware of the scent of strawberries again and for a moment, wondered if Hinata's decorating had expanded into the buying of Naruto's shower gel.

Sasuke didn't know when he'd started moving toward Naruto…or indeed, when Naruto had started moving toward _him_ and even though all he wanted to do was kill whoever was making them move in slow motion, he didn't want to ruin the mood. Not when he was so close to winning.

Sasuke closed his eyes and rested his hand against Naruto's cheek.

It was an intimate gesture, almost certainly sure to have a referee blowing his whistle and giving Sasuke the rainbow card but the brunet was too into it to care.

Naruto's wet his lips again, his tongue brushing against Sasuke's in the process and-

"Uh…guys?"

The boys drew apart and tree pairs of eyes glared at Sakura.

The pink-haired girl eyed Kiba curiously, wondering why _he _looked pissed as well.

"**DAMMIT **SAKURA! Do your cock-blocking ways know _no bounds_?"

Sakura rolled her eyes at Kiba before turning to the other two. "Before you try to have sex on that table, please keep in mind that we'll be watching the videos from here and I really can't have the room smelling like sex the whole time."

"We could have opened the windows," Naruto pointed out, moving away from the Uchiha to both Kiba and Sasuke's disappointment.

"Right."

Hinata came into the room with her third milkshake and stared at everyone. "What'd I miss?"

"_Finally_," Ino sighed, coming down the stairs while waving discs in her hand. "We found them!"

"Yes, we can see that," Sakura blew a raspberry at her while Gaara stalled on the stairs, looking at Sasuke and Naruto who were eyeing each other suspiciously.

"They tried to have sex on the table, didn't they?"

"Sakura interrupted!" Kiba groaned in answer.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. They all sat on Naruto's carpet while Gaara set everything up.

"What exactly are you guys watching?" Sasuke asked, curious as to why Sakura was smirking triumphantly at Kiba.

"Videos of dates we had."

"Uh…_why_?"

They all paused, the fact that Sasuke had no idea of the agency dawning on them.

"Oh…" Ino cleared her throat.

Hinata sighed. "Might as well tell him. He might just rape Naruto to get the info out of him."

Sasuke smirked. "_Rape_?""Whatever."

They went on to explain the events that had led to the making of the agency as well as the dares it had been built upon.

When they were done, Sasuke just shook his head. "You guys must be terribly bored."

"So," Gaara heaved a sigh. "Who's going first?"

"Keep Kiba's for last."

"Saving the best for last, eh Sakura?"

"_Please_."

Gaara shrugged and stuffed in Naruto's date with Sai.

**(I am a British page break. Sod off)**

When Naruto's was done, everyone was quiet.

"I think you need a judging panel," Sasuke said.

Five minutes later, he and Hinata had been voted the agency's judges.

They took notes on the date and criticized everything they could, allowing the others to do the same.

"_Paintball, _Naruto? _Seriously?_" Sakura huffed.

The judges however, thought it had been creative and Naruto scored an 8.5 on his date.

"Great, so now we're making _points_?" Gaara asked irritably. "This is supposed to be between Kiba and Sakura."

"But this way," Hinata pointed out. "If anyone else makes higher points than them by the end of the semester, then both Kiba and Sakura lose and you guys win."

"A three-way dare?" Naruto grinned. "I like it."

"Only the person with the highest points wins…and gets to make those two do what they want," Sasuke cleared up.

"It's like you're setting us up against each other," Kiba groaned.

"We are."

"I hate you."

They made a large chart and put it up on the wall and made Sasuke the Chart Keeper.

Gaara put in the next video labeled "Ino and Chouji Akimichi."

**(I am a porn-star page break. I know you're watching me)**

**(Ino-Chouji Recording)**

Ino walked toward what was popularly called the 'jock dorm' on campus and went up to the room 39.

The knocked and waited patiently, wondering why she'd gotten herself into this.

The door opened and Ino stared at the boy standing there. His hair was wild and unkempt, tied up lazily in a messy, spiky ponytail. His eyes were half-lidded making him looked impressively stoned.

Even with all that, he was still kind of cute.

He eyed her lazily before raising an eyebrow at her in question.

She frowned. "Chouji Akimichi?"

The boy shook his head.

"I was led to believe this is his room."

The boy nodded.

Ino huffed. "Is he here then?"

Another nod.

"Could you get him?"

Hesitation.

"Look buddy," Ino growled, hands on her hips. "Either you call him out here or I'm coming in. If you decide to do neither, I'll **end** you."

After a moment's surprise, the boy muttered: "Troublesome woman" and moved out of the way.

Ino glared, stepping in and shoving him unnecessarily out of the way as she entered the room.

It was surprisingly clean. There was no smoke, drugs or alcohol in her sight and she couldn't keep the shock from her face.

The boy sat down on his bed and watched her. She closed the door and sat on the opposite bed.

She could hear the shower running and figured her date was probably in there.

After five minutes of silence, she cracked.

"What's your name?" she asked bluntly.

The boy mumbled his answer.

"Shikamaru huh? I'm Ino."

He lay back, facing the ceiling, not saying anything.

Ino seethed at his rudeness.

Shikamaru pulled a cigarette from his pocket and put it to his lips.

"Smoking isn't healthy," Ino said automatically. She'd said it many times to Gaara.

"I know."

"It also isn't allowed in the dorms."

"That's a shame."

"You really shouldn't-"

"I never said I'd light it up in here."

Ino turned away from him in anger, muttering, "Bastard."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at her.

The door to the shower opened and a large guy came out.

He was drying his hair and whistling.

"Hey Shika, I heard the door and-"

His eyes went up to the girl sitting on his bed and he froze.

Ino smiled warmly at him, completely missing Shikamaru's look of surprise at that.

"Chouji? I'm Ino."

Chouji Akimichi was easily cute and cuddly. With his baby face and soft brown eyes, it was all Ino could do not to grab his cheeks and coo at him.

Chouji was dressed casually and could have been going out to watch a game of soccer with his mates.

"Are you ready to go?"

Chouji swallowed and nodded, quickly grabbing his keys and wallet.

Ino looked confused. The boy couldn't seem to bring himself to look at her. "Uh…is everything alright?"

"Don't worry, Chouji just gets alittle shy around new people."

Ino stared at Shikamaru before nodding. She stood and smiled at Chouji. "Right, let's get going then."

She grabbed Chouji's hand and led him out, ignoring the red that consumed the boy's face.

From his window, Shika watched as Ino herded Chouji into the car with her.

He smiled lightly.

"What a troublesome woman."

**(I am an anime girl page break. See my big boobs bounce)**

Yuukimaru drove Ino and Chouji in silence.

It wasn't that Ino hadn't tried talking to Chouji, it was that the boy was chronically shy.

"Have you had breakfast?"

Chouji nodded, looking at Ino for a second before turning to face the window.

Ino sighed impatiently. She wasn't used to shy guys.

"So...I heard you're a jock."

Chouji nodded again.

"What's that like?"

When he hesitated, she smirked.

_Yeah, can't answer __**that **__one with a nod._

"It's alright."

Ino sighed again.

The guy was so soft spoken, it was a miracle he bothered playing rugby. She'd been so sure he was going to be some arrogant fart who couldn't stop talking about himself and his achievements.

"So...you're at KU on a sports scholarship?"

Chouji straightened himself in his seat. "Yes. Engineering's my major."

"Wow, that's impressive. Why? Is physics a passion of yours?"

The boy blushed and he looked at her intently before a soft smile graced his features. "I enjoy figuring out how things work."

Ino smiled and Chouji snapped out of his momentary lapse in shyness and turned to face the window.

Ino shrugged and looked out her own window. She was almost glad it was a long ride. Somehow, sitting in silence wasn't all that bad.

When the car went off the main road, Chouji shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"If you don't mind me asking, where are we going?"

Seeing he wasn't looking at her, Ino turned back to her window.

"We're going to Gophers."

"gophers?"

He sounded disappointed.

Ino chuckled. "Don't worry, you'll love it."

Chouji shrugged noncommittally.

When they got there, all Chouji could see was the neatly cut green grass of perfect lawn and what was obviously a golf course.

"This is Gophers?"

Yup, he was definitely disappointed.

Ino nodded as they took in the scenery.

She took Chouji's hand, glad when he didn't tense up and dragged him toward the first group of children standing next to an old man.

"Ah...Ino, good to see you."

"Hey old man."

"Here again?"

"yup, I brought a date."

"Finally," the man grinned. He nodded at Chouji. "Take care with this one. Try not to get killed out there."

Chouji nodded slowly in confusion.

Since when had golf been dangerous?

Ino led him into a small ticket booth and bought there tickets before taking him out and onto one of the many golf carts there.

The weird thing about all the carts was that they had no tops. The frames were there but no tops.

"I'm usually here alone but I put you down as my partner," Ino explained. "I hope you don't mind."

He shrugged. "I guess I could be your caddy."

Ino laughed. "Don't be silly."

She opened what was apparently the trunk of the golf cart and handed him a helmet, putting one on herself.

"What are these for?"

Ino pointed in the distance and Chouji followed her gaze.

Two golf carts seemed to be racing over the course and then, abruptly, the one in front overturned.

Chouji gaped.

He hadn't seen what exactly had happened but as he watched the people in the first cart get out and yell at the pair in the second, he knew they were swearing at them.

"Ino?"

"Hmm?"

"What exactly happens at Gopher?"

Ino grinned. "Golf cart Olympics."

"What?"

Ino showed him the trunk. Various sports equipment was there. He could see three tennis rackets, a variety of golf clubs and an assortment of balls. The rest was buried under.

"This is a race," Ino explained. "the golf cart is about one kilometer long and the finish line is at the end. If we get there first, we win 50 points. Points are also made by attacking and hitting opponents and sometimes, getting them to crash there carts."

Chouji stared at her. "_Seriously_?"

Ino nodded. "Come on."

She climbed in and he followed.

She drove the cart round the rest of the golf carts.

Chouji counted fifteen other carts already at a large yellow line.

Two had a pair of children in it who couldn't have been anywhere over nine. They pulled on their helmets and Chouji sighed.

"The children are the ones you have to look out for. They're tricky little buggers."

A man stood at the line with a horn in his hand.

"Morning Ino!" he called.

Ino waved and turned to Chouji as they reached the line. "The route is lined with red flags so its pretty easy to keep to it. Do you wanna drive?"

Chouji nodded. Ino seemed crazy. It would be better if he were at the wheel.

Ino nodded. "Great."

Much to his dismay, instead of getting out and coming round or letting him to that, she climbed over him in the cart and waited while he shifted into the driver's seat.

He was blushing madly and Ino smirked to herself.

"Ready your engines!" the man with the horn instructed.

"Go!"

He blew his horn and everyone was off.

Chouji watched in amazement as all the people who weren't driving started rummaging through the trunks while the carts were moving before pulling out their weapons of choice.

Ino did the same and pulled out a tennis racket and three balls.

She then climbed over her chair and Chouji tried his best to yell at her to get down and also keep his eye on the grass.

They were last.

Ino stood steadily on the back of her seat and threw a tennis ball into the air. She swiftly hit it with the racket and it whizzed forward, cleanly smacking the driver of the cart in front of them and having him swerve off and get stuck as the cart lodged itself into a sand bank early in the race.

The rest were smarter, swerving back and forth.

Chouji wondered what was stopping those behind them from hitting them before he realized they were in last place.

"I'd have to attack both sides if we were in the middle," Ino explained, hitting a ball hard and causing another cart to swerve off course. "This way we can get rid of them strategically."

Chouji grinned.

That was a good plan. Pretty smart.

He stepped on the gas pedal and increased speed while Ino pulled out…an umbrella, apparently, to stop the rain of balls from the cart in front.

"Where'd you get that?"

"The boot. We can use anything from it."

Chouji laughed.

"Can you drive with one hand?"

Chouji nodded.

Ino attached the umbrella to a pool stick, that she unfolded and attached, with her scrunchy and handed it to Chouji. Her hair fell, getting in her eyes but she just brushed it back impatiently.

"Hold this still."

Instructing Chouji to pull up ahead of the cart in front of them, she grabbed a bowling bowl and holding it in one hand, hit back all the balls aimed at them from the other carts that didn't get thwarted by the umbrella.

When in front of the cart, she dropped the bowling ball.

The cart, being as low as it was, crashed into the bowling ball as the driver tried to avoid it, causing them to overturn and land on its side.

Ino waved in triumph.

They gave her the finger.

Ino laughed as they made their way up to the other carts, taking them out one by one till only one cart was left.

Chouji drove faster, avoiding sand traps and balls left on the course.

Their last foe was a pair of the children Chouji had seen earlier.

"Drive along side them!"

Chouji did and laughed when all of the balls Ino hit at the kid were deflected by the kid's racket, sending them back at Ino who easily dodged or hit them back. It was the strangest game of tennis he'd ever seen.

When near, both Ino and the kid threw away their rackets and grabbed gold club. Ino moved to stand behind Chouji's chair and raised her club which was quickly met by the kid's own nine iron.

Laughing at how dorky the whole thing was, Chouji couldn't help but notice that he was at least having fun.

He swerved to hit the other cart and once Ino finished swearing, she cheered him on.

Ino and the other kid continued their unorthodox sword battle and finally, Ino pulled her club up along the kid's. Off balance, the club went flying from the kid's grasp and Ino smiled and nudged him with her club. He fell into his driver's lap and the cart swerved off the course till they braked.

Chouji hi-fived Ino as she sat back in their seat and they made their way toward the finish old man from before was waiting with two ribbons.

"Isn't your collection overflowing?" he asked Ino.

She stuck out her tongue at him and grabbed the ribbons, giving them both to Chouji.

They ate lunch from the restaurant at Gophers before going for three more rounds, challenging the old man and his niece who were the undefeated champions.

They lost to the old geezer but still, had fun doing it.

The drive back to school was filled with pleasant conversation and Ino was glad Chouji finally got over his shyness…at least with her.

When they got back to school, Ino suggested they get drinks before they parted to get changed for dinner and met up later.

"The best kind is actually from the cafeteria," he pointed out.

"Then that's where we'll go…"

"Uh… sure…"

Chouji followed her out the car but paused at the door to the open cafeteria.

Ino turned. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe I should wait out here.."

"What? Why?"

"People might see us together..." he mumbled quietly.

Ino gaped. "You're ashamed of me?"

Chouji chuckled uneasily as he looked up. "No, but you're probably ashamed of _me_."

"What-"

"Let's be honest, Ino. The only way someone like you would actually end up with someone like me would be if I paid them...as is the case right now. It's best I don't-"

Ino ignored him as she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

The cafeteria grew quiet for a second before the whispers started.

"...fatso..."

"...the fat rugby dude with _her_...?"

"...no way in hell is that fatty..."

Ino ignored them and pulled Chouji forward to the front where only a few people were ordering late lunches. The rest of the cafeteria, though crowded, just had people with drinks and nothing else.

"Hello Chouji," the woman behind the counter smiled warmly. "What can I get you?"

Chouji smiled back. "Um… Two Rainbow slushies, please..."

She nodded and got them their drinks. Ino's hand never left Chouji's and they walked to a table by the entrance.

Ino, still holding her date's hand, held her drink in her left hand and sipped at it.

"Hey! You were right. This _is _pretty good."

Chouji nodded, "It's the best around."

"No kidding."

Ino looked up and noticed quite a lot of people were still staring at them.

She smirked slyly before turning to Chouji. "Wanna give them a show?"

Chouji blinked. "Huh?"

Ino's smirk grew as she moved forward and pressed her lips to his.

The collective gasp of the cafeteria included Chouji's own and Ino smiled against his mouth.

She pressed against him insistently and Chouji closed his eyes and kissed her back.

Ino pulled back and smiled. "Wow."

Chouji blushed.

They finished there drinks and in a classic cheesy moment, the woman at the till clapped loudly.

The rest soon followed and Chouji blushed brightly as Ino led him out of the now cheering cafeteria.

**(I am vampire page break. I suck)**

Ino picked Chouji up from his room once she was done and had changed.

Shikamaru had been there, pretending to be asleep and she'd ignored him.

She'd been blissfully unaware of his appraising gaze as he took in her short but simple black dress and minimal make up.

Chouji smiled when he saw her.

"You…look beautiful."

She'd smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thankyou."

As they shut the door, Shikamaru sighed.

The drive to the restaurant was pleasant and Chouji told her about his home and his family. His parents ran a restaurant a short way away from Crossings.

Ino spotted Kiba with Shion and then saw Naruto come in with Sai .

Shion was smiling, a shock in itself, and seemed to be enjoying Kiba's company…which was even more mind-boggling.

A waiter came and gave them their menus.

Chouji ordered soup to start, salmon with a side of rice as his main meal and no dessert.

Ino snorted at Chouji's order and turned to the waiter.

"I'll have hot wings as a starter, three cheese burgers, a steak- medium rare, a side of fries and a mega large sub salad for my main meal and a rocket sundae for dessert"

Chouji and the waiter stared at her- both with shocked, impressed looks on the faces as they stared at her slim figure before staring back at her face as if waiting for her to say she was kidding.

She looked back at them a few seconds before saying, "Yes, I'm serious."

The waiter whistled.

"I'll have what she's having."

The waiter nodded at Chouji and left.

Chouji just smiled at Ino and she blushed, feeling uneasy for the first time that day.

The date went well and Ino kissed Chouji goodnight when dropping him off.

"Goodbye."

Chouji seemed down and Ino took his hand. "Something wrong?"

He shook his head before smiling warmly at her and thanking her for a wonderful day.

She beamed. "I had fun, too."

Chouji nodded and waved as she left.

He sighed.

"One date only."

**(I am an awesome page break. Bow before me)**

Ino got 8.9 for her date and had Naruto asking her if he could go along for her next Gophers trip.

Gaara snorted and put in the next disc.

His date with Karin Reiki.

**(I am Page-ini the Magnificent. I can do magic)**

Gaara and Karin eyed each other warily.

They were standing at Karin's door, standing perfectly still.

"I was dared to do this," she said.

Gaara shrugged. "Me too."

"And I'd rather not.

"Me neither."

"So... what now?"

"I can tell you're not the lovey-dovey type and that you really wanna win this bet so let me ask you this… how good are you at video games?"

She shrugged. "Pretty good."

"Great. There's a video game tournament out in Mist city, an hour away. Wanna come with?"

Karin looked down at her t-shirt and jeans and shrugged before following Gaara out.

Kiba grabbed the remote and pushed the scene forward.

Gaara and Karin didn't speak in the car. At the tournament, they talked alittle about their favourite bands while they played, beating all the other teams.

Kiba pushed forward again up to when they got back.

Gaara had dropped Karin off after they'd had pizza and she'd actually smiled, thanking him as she waved their trophy in his face and declared that she was bad-ass.

Gaara had chuckled and left.

Ino stared at Gaara in disbelief.

"You took her out to play video games on a _date_!"

Gaara raised an eyebrow at her.

"WHAT PART OF THAT IS _ROMANTIC_?"

"Like your date was romantic." Gaara rolled his eyes at her. "Besides, we offer the greatest date ever, not the most romantic."

Before Ino could complain, Kiba yawned. "Well...she did seem to enjoy the date."

Gaara was given 7.9.

Ino huffed and stared back at the screen as Gaara put in Sakura's.

**(I am a sweet page break. I like ponies)**

The first thing that came to Sakura's mind when she saw Rock lee was caterpillars.

There were two huge caterpillars on his face.

After her moment of confusion, she realized that those were his eyebrows.

The second thing she that came to her mind was "What the hell?"

This was her mind's response to his green tuxedo.

Lee was...strange.

"Welcome!"

Lee was also loud.

He smiled widely at her and she cringed inwardly, pasting a smile on her own face.

"hello Lee."

"my gosh, you're beautiful!"

Lee had good taste.

Sakura smiled and took his offered hand as she led the way out of his dorm and into her car.

She'd called ahead to inform him that he should dress casually.

She drove into town and noticed lee fidgeting in his seat.

"is something the matter?"

He shook his head but continued to squirm.

When she parked outside a building with the sign, _'Gai-sensei's dojo'_, Lee practically flew off his seat in excitement.

"Are you psychic?"

Sakura blinked. "Er…no?"

"This is the greatest place on earth!"

"Um, you've been here before?"

"My esteemed master owns this place!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea-"

"Don't apologize! This is the greatest place you could have taken me on our great date! You are truly great Sakura!"

"Uh…thanks?"

"I SHALL LOVE YOU FOREVER!"

Sakura paled at that admission and the screen went blank.

**(I am a badass page break. I swear at grannies)**

Kiba was laughing and fell onto Sasuke who shoved him away.

Sakura glared at him.

"What happened to the camera?" Ino asked, amused.

"He hugged me and it broke."

Kiba was now producing loud guffaws and shaking with glee as he laughed at Sakura.

"What then?" Sasuke asked.

"We went into the dojo and I drop kicked him out of a window."

Kiba stopped laughing long enough to point at Sakura and resume his laughter.

"Why?" Naruto asked Sakura.

"It was an accident. I misjudged the space and my strength."

"You should never do that she-man," Kiba chortled.

Sakura scowled. "He's fine. Pretty resilient. He started crying about how the love of his life had proved herself to be both strong an beautiful…"

"Isn't Gai the weird dojo dude?" Hinata asked, remembering a session with him from when she was younger.

Sakura nodded. "I had been assured he wouldn't be in that day… and it turns out he's been pretty inspirational to Lee."

"Yeah…I could tell from the hair and the…_everything_."

"Yeah, we had to have dinner with Gai after Lee insisted he would be a great chaperone."

Sakura got a 6.8.

Gaara put in Kiba's disc. "Last one."

"Any last words?" Sakura tossed at Kiba.

Kiba snorted. "Bite me."

**(I am an innocent page break. I will rape you!)**

Kiba watched the stuck up princess walk up to him and smiled charmingly.

Shion Pris was a rare beauty. Long pale golden locks, violet eyes, a body to die for-

"You're late, idiot."

-and a rotten attitude.

"You could have at least taken a shower and changed your clothes before coming."

Kiba held back a growl.

He'd showered _twice_- Sakura had made sure of it and he was in a pretty smart black button down shirt with neat black jeans. Hell, he knew he looked good. Sakura had grudgingly said so. And for this, _this_...gosh he had to remember not to kill the girl.

He'd run a background check on Shion to decide what kind of date to take her on. Well...to be perfectly honest, all he'd had to do was ask Ino if she knew who Shion was and the info had flooded out like a broken dam.

Shion was a second year and pretty well known.

Beautiful, heir to the Pris fortune and well...hung pretty far on her high horse. She was as arrogant as they come, thinking the world should bow before her simply because she graced it with her presence.

Kiba had sunk into a deep depression... that lasted a full five minutes.

How the hell was he supposed to take someone like her out on the "greatest date ever" when every guy who'd ever tried had fallen short and run home crying, literally- well, except for that one guy who just fainted but he didn't count cause he cried when they woke him up.

He was facing some pretty bad odds.

Kiba finally decided on his course of action.

Shion was as impossible as they came and no amount of money, kidnapping and bribery could help him...

If he was going to lose the bet this early in the game, he might as well go down with a fight. A messy, if-this-uppity-fool-makes-me-cry-I'll-kill-her-so-I-leave-no-witnesses kind of fight.

Shion was dressed in an immaculate flared sundress and white sandals looking like she was ready for brunch. Her hair was tied up in a bun and well...Kiba wondered if she ever let it loose.

Violet eyes roamed over Kiba's shoulder, finally stopping on the sleek silver Mercedes parked in the second year suites' parking lot.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that it?"

Kiba snorted. "Of course not. Mine's the one behind the merc."

Shion turned and frowned deeply.

"The only thing behind the Mercedes is..."

Her face scrunched in displeasure as it dawned on her that the old rust bucket with the peeling orange paint that looked like it would fall apart if an insect flew by it...was actually her date's ride.

"Oh _no_."

"Oh yes."

"I _couldn't_."

"Then don't."

Shion gaped at the Neanderthal before her.

How _dare _he think he could outsmart her?

Kiba raised an eyebrow at the girl in front of him.

"Do you want your money back now or should I put it in the mail?"

Shion glared at the arrogant boy.

No one ever talked to her like that.

She'd make him understand his place.

"Oh no," she smiled sweetly. "Let's go."

Kiba had seen the evil glint in her eye as she brushed passed him and he smiled mischievously. Naruto wasn't the only one who loved a challenge.

He walked toward the truck- Naruto's first car (and first love, courtesy of Kyuubi)- and stared at Shion as she waited by the passenger door.

Kiba smirked. "It's open."

Shion huffed. "It's only polite to open the door for a lady."

Kiba chuckled. "And when I see one, I'll get right on that. Now, get in or I'll leave you behind."

x-x

Sakura gaped at the screen.

"Kiba you're an idiot."

Kiba was eating microwave popcorn with fervour. "What?"

"You acted like..._you_."

"Yeah, so?"

Sakura smirked. "So I am _so _winning this bet."

Kiba rolled his eyes as they continued to watch.

x-x

"May I ask where we're going?"

Kiba took his eyes off the road for a moment. "Hm?"

"Where are we going?"

"On a date?"

She shot him a glare and turned away, deciding to ignore him.

This was the guy who'd made her climb into his stupid truck without help!

She was just relieved none of her friends had seen her.

Shion nodded off and found herself being shaken violently.

Opening her eyes, she realized that it wasn't the fool who had woken her up, but the awful dirt road.

She looked up and read the old sign over the building.

"Gus' horse ranch and B&B?"

"Yup."

"Oh my gosh."

"Exciting, isn't it?" Kiba smiled, parking next to the other cars.

"What in goodness name are we doing here?" Shion asked.

"Get out and we'll see."

She shook her head, determined not to move from the safety of the ugly truck.

Kiba shrugged. "Fine but just so you know, I'll be leaving in five hours…and that's a long time to stay in a car on such a hot day."

Shion glared at him and pulled out her phone from her handbag.

"By the way," he said as he walked away. "This place has no reception."

Shion simmered in anger before she threw open the car door and shut it violently, hoping the car would fall to pieces.

They walked into the reception where a young girl who was probably no older than 15 walked up to them and smiled.

"Hello Mr Inuzuka."

"Kiba."

She bowed. "Kiba then. Your horses are ready for you in the stable."

"Thankyou Maria."

Maria turned to Shion. "Hello."

Shion nodded politely.

Maria left and seconds later, came back with two pairs of boots and two pairs of overalls.

Shion eyed the shoes with distaste.

Kiba smiled at the heir. "I had your stalker give me your measurements and shoe size so I think they'll fit."

"You _WHAT_?"

"That guy really likes you. You should really give him a chance."

Shion gaped.

Kiba was asking for a world of hurt.

She grudgingly went into the changing room Maria led her to and took off her dress. She hung it up and gave instructions to Maria that it should be as perfect as she left it when she got back.

Maria nodded and rushed off with the dress to store it perfectly, lest the dragon lady yell at her.

Shion came from the building looking uneasy in her clothes but really quite fetching.

Kiba frowned and led her out to the back where the stables were.

Inside, he walked to the only two horses there, a black one and a white one.

He stood in front of the black one.

"This one's name is Diablo. He's fast, stubborn and eats people."

"_What_?"

"He's fast?"

Shion scowled at Kiba even as she backed away from the black horse that was eyeing her evilly.

"That one will be yours for the day," Kiba stated, pointing at the white one. "Her name's Star. She's calm and great for beginners. She doesn't scare easily so your evil vibe should affect her much."

"_What?_"

"I said she's good for beginners."

"I heard what you said, you arrogant pig."

"Then why'd you ask, you retard?"

Shion's eyes blazed with barely concealed fury.

Kiba ignored that and tossed a brush at her, opening the stall door for her.

"You brush the hair in its natural pattern."

After a moment, Shion nodded.

"You really like horses, huh?" Kiba asked when they were done, wondering why she hadn't thrown a fit.

She shrugged. "I always wanted one."

He nodded and put their saddles on, adjusting them so they didn't hurt the horse and weren't too loose. He then opened their stalls to let them out.

Kiba handed Shion Star's reins before leading the evil-looking Diablo ahead. He walked for a few feet before he heard Shion let out a small cry. When he turned, she was staring at his feet in disgust. Kiba looked down at the muck on his shoes.

"What? We'll step in it sooner or later."

Shion shivered but still did her best to avoid any poop she spotted.

Her horse seemed irritated by all the zigzagging the girl was doing but went along with it anyway.

Kiba rolled his eyes as he watched, wondering if he could maybe leave Shion behind.

When they got to the trail, he reluctantly helped an equally-reluctant Shion onto Star before getting onto his own horse and leading the way.

They moved quietly and-

"Where are we going?"

"The lake."

Shion nodded and five minutes later-

"Are we there yet?"

Kiba sighed. "Can you see a lake?"

"No…?"

"Then we're not there yet."

Kiba suffered through her complaints, questions and snootiness and was glad when they finally got to the damn lake.

Kiba set the pack down from his saddle and removed the saddles and blankets, letting the horses roam. He spread a blanket onto the ground and set the food from the pack.

When he looked up, Shion was staring.

"What?"

"Are you trying to be romantic?"

"No," he sighed. "There aren't any chairs here so we'll have to eat on the ground, unless you're not hungry in which case, you're free to watch."

Shion sat by him quietly, taking the food he offered and eating it in silence.

"Kiba?"

The brunet looked surprised. "Hmm?"

"Why do you hate me?"

Kiba blinked. "I don't hate you."

"I can't imagine this is how you treat the women in your life…"

Kiba thought about Sakura and his sister, Hana. "It is, actually."

Shion nodded. "You don't have to lie, you know."

"About what?"

"Disliking me. Lots of people do."

"Ever think that maybe it's because of how you treat them?"

"How do I treat them?"

Kiba gaped. Was she serious?

As he explained her evil ways, Shion moved away and dipped her feet into the water.

When he was done, she looked at him. "So…if I change… If I treat them differently-"

"Like equals."

"-like equals, then. They'll like me?"

Kiba shrugged. "I know I would."

Shion nodded, lost in thought.

They stayed at the lake for awhile and Shion used her phone to take a few pictures of the lake…and of a sleeping Kiba.

When the boy woke up, he stretched languidly and saw Shion sleeping a few feet away.

She looked so… _not-evil_ lying there.

He got there horses, that had been trained not to stray too far from their riders, and got the saddles back on.

He then gently woke Shion up.

They rode and had polite conversation as they went.

Maybe Shion wasn't all that bad…

**(I am a rude page break. Up yours)**

Kiba was brushing the horses in the stable and getting their food.

He'd told Shion to go on ahead and change and that he'd be there soon and they could leave.

Shion found Maria in a large room outside in what she supposed was the laundry room.

The girl looked distressed.

"I'd like to collect my clothes and change."

Maria bit her lip, looking for all the world like she was about to be torn to pieces.

Shion sighed. "Well?"

It all came out in a string of words.

"I was going to keep your dress separately so it didn't get messy just like you said but then a waitress bumped into me and she spilled juice on it. I tried to clean off the juice but my little brother, Michael, well he spilled tomato sauce on everything in the laundry basket. He's a baby you understand and the other guests wanted me to attend to them so I put everything in the washing machine but your dress, his shirt didn't make it out too well and-"

"Excuse me?"

The girl cringed. The blonde lady was _very _angry.

"You put my dress in a _washing machine_?"

Now the girl was even more confused. What had she done wrong?

"That dress is to be _hand-washed _only!" Shion erupted. "Are you so incompetent you couldn't figure that out? It was custom made and-"

"I'm s-sorry miss, I-I didn't know."

"You didn't _KNOW?"_

Kiba had hurried over at the first sound of a raised voice and come round the barn to find Shion shouting angrily at Maria who was in tears, clutching her hands together in distress.

"I'm really sorry, miss. I didn't know..."

"That's no excuse! Listen to me, you _stupid _girl-"

Kiba grabbed Shion's arm and pulled her hard against him. She looked up in surprise and found harsh brown eyes glaring down at her.

"No, _you _Listen to _me_, princess. I don't care if your dad owns half the world. Do not _ever _speak to her like that! Do you understand?"

Shion blinked.

"Do you understand?"

Shion nodded slowly.

Kiba let her go so abruptly that she stumbled. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped away from her.

"Your money doesn't make you better than anybody else."

With that, he walked away, leaving her there staring at the ground as he led a crying, apologizing Maria away with soothing words and a gentle patting of her back.

The drive back was eerily hushed.

Shion had been embarrassed to find that her dress had been completely fine even after the machine wash.

Kiba hadn't spoken to her, getting into the van and waiting till she got in.

She was surprised he hadn't just left her there.

When they got to her hostel, he gruffly told her he'd be back for her in twenty minutes.

When he returned, she was ready.

They got to the restaurant in record time and Shion barely noticed the astonished looks sent her way when people saw her leaving the hideous van.

They sat at their table and waited for their food.

"Why did you come on this date?"

Shion was startled by the abrupt question but then she shrugged. "My friends..."

Kiba raised an eyebrow at that.

"Well," she shifted uncomfortably. "They're always telling me how I'm too much of a bore to get a real date...and how I'm also scary and everything..."

Kiba smiled softly. "Hey, you're not boring. I'd say you're really quite entertaining."

The ghost of a smile reached Shion's lips and she turned away. "And scary?"

"Terrifying."

Shion frowned and Kiba laughed. "Look, relax. I know you can't be Miss sunshine after years of evil but at least you seem to want to try."

Shion looked intently at her hands. "I'm really am sorry about Maria. I shouldn't have lost it."

"It's okay."

There starters were finally brought and Kiba took a bite out of his wings.

Shion was playing with her salad. "I suppose you think I enjoy being this way."

Kiba sighed. "Look Shion, if it's who you are, don't change a thing unless you want to. And if you _do _want to change, do it for you."

She didn't say anything.

"Promise me."

Shion smiled, a slow smile that made her all the more beautiful cause it was genuine. "Sure."

Kiba nodded and attacked his wings.

They were at least polite for the rest of the evening, except for a few well-placed jabs and insults.

**(I am an anime page break. I cry buckets of tears)**

Kiba was given a 9.1 when it was seen that Shion actually kissed his cheek.

Sakura frowned when Kiba started dancing, his butt mere millimeters from her face.

Hinata declined Sasuke's offer of a ride and decided to spend the night.

She and Sakura were in the room, making her bed when she suddenly spoke.

"Kiba looked pretty ticked off about the Pris girl yelling at that girl."

Sakura nodded, straightening the sheets. "He hates when people treat anyone else like dirt...especially rich people."

"But," Hinata started, confused. "Isn't he an Inuzuka? Those guys are pretty loaded."

"Yeah, but he wasn't always. He was adopted, you see."

Hinata froze.

"How'd that happen?"

Sakura smiled. "He saved their oldest daughter from a monkey."

Hinata's eyes widened. "Bullshit."

Sakura chuckled. "No really. He grew up in Livingstone and-"

"Where?"

"Livingstone. It's a city in Zambia."

"Zambia?"

Sakura sighed impatiently. "_Zambia_. Its in Africa."

"REALLY?"

"Yeah," Sakura rolled her eyes. "It is. _Anyway_, Kiba was over there living on the street with the rest of the street urchins and life was pretty hard…"

Hinata nodded for her to go on.

"It happened at the Victoria falls when we went down to the-"

"You were there, too?"

Sakura nodded. "My family was there on holiday with Naruto's, Gaara's and the Inuzuka family. It's a sort of game reserve and the chimpanzees roam freely in the places by the falls. There are lots of game parks and stuff there. Well, when we were going down to this place called the Boiling point, for some reason, this huge male showed up. I can't remember why, but it attacked Hana, the Inuzuka's daughter. The rest of us were too far down to get to her in time and we hadn't taken a guide with us and well…" Sakura trailed off, remembering.

"What? _What_?"

"Kiba showed up," Sakura laughed. "I remember seeing this filthy, little boy throwing rocks at the monkey and drawing attention to himself. He ran off when it chased after him and it was shot by another group's guide before it could hurt him. "

"What happened then?"

"Hana went to the hospital. She had a few bruises and a gash on her arm but she was fine. Kiba had to fight off Naruto and Gaara who were hounding him for details on how he was that awesome and well...the Inuzukas were so touched by that little brave boy that they carried him home."

Hinata stared.

"You're shittin me."

"No... He was really quiet and withdrawn at first but they promised him a good life and they offered to help his friends back home."

Did they?"

Sakura nodded. "They've been sponsoring his old gang. They moved them to the capital city and are all doing well in college now. One of them's even getting married soon."

Hinata smiled. "That's amazing."

Sakura nodded, a soft smile on her lips. "Kiba _is _pretty amazing but don't tell him that. It'll just go to his head."

Hinata snorted. "No worries. It's already too big."

She watched Kiba for the rest of the evening, curious.

**Xxx-xxX**

**A/N: Hi there. Finally got this out…**

**Oh, bout the last bit… I'm Zambian (yes, shocker) and I live in Lusaka and wanted to put abit of my country in there cause I can…and cause I feel it's necessary. Consider it a tribute to my land or whatever…**

**And in case your atlas ignores my country, it's a country away from South Africa which is (you guessed it), at the south of Africa XD**

**Hope that didn't bore you.**

**x-x**

**REVIEW REPLY**

**Juura99: **Bow before the awesomeness of the cue cards! You're weird ALL THE TIME, coffee be damned. By the way…I love your fics :D

**Dashlee: **Thanks! I sure hope so… Was this soon enough?

**SengetsuPwnzU: **Gays would _so_ have wars! Designer purses and killer heels would be flying everywhere! LOL, jk. You're so right though…

**SkyglazingMaro: **Thanks, I was going for that ;) I can't believe you pressed 1 an d3 either… I'd have gone with 2.

**Slave to my Pen: **I am amazed that you think so…and infinitely flattered. I _do _enjoy being loved forever… Poor Sasuke! I was thinking he'd be enjoying that…hehe… Thanks

**Akiraoniichan: **Psychic Itachi? WHERE? Mildly disturbing? Dammit… Thanks :D keep reading at odd, vampiric hours

**Just Miki: **Thanks so friggin much

**Danger13**: last time I checked, I was positive you were my beta for something…hmm…slacking off eh? I **LOVE** Kiba! I still enjoy when he gets his silly ass beaten up though…in a good way…

**Runoutofaname: **thankyou :)

**Yurisa Ai: **Yes! I have a fan! IN YOUR FACE, GRANDMA! *grandma looks confused* yeah, that's right, old lady! Erm… yeah. Thanks a ton for that! *blushing* Was it okay?

**JellyfishZombie: **I love it too (I think)…

**Narutofweak: **Creepy and awesome? YAY! Hmm… I haven't fit Orochimaru in yet… But I will… Um, I changed the title of '30 days, 30 pleasures' to 'A Kind of magic"… The thought of thirty-plus chapters scared me…but the plot is pretty much the same…though I improved it (Edit Police called me and demanded I do). I hope you like the revised version.

**Auzurite: **I'm glad you did. The court scene popped in my head when my friend said she was having moot court and I wondered how I could ruin it XD yeah, I'm evil… Kiba's deadly sexy, eh? Hehe… All of you are finding the cue cards creepy…hmmm…should I have them burned? Naruto is an opportunist! Haha, you noticed!

**RaInbOw-MOnk3y '-': **Wow…thanks. You have three couple obsessions? They are? Yeah, sorry bout my many fics… I have that many bunnies. Had to kill the other bunnies in horrible ways so they'd shut up…Their ghosts now haunt me *calls ghost busters* 200 dates! Wow, you did math for me… * blushes* Yeah…I might even not put any more. This was HARD! Thanks, hey…

**Cocopower1: **Button 2? Good choice… Yeah, you gotta love Naruto's sense of perverted opportunity… XD

**ANIMEFREAK-995: **good!

**Lingo10: **Semi hot? *pouts* aww… but it still did the trick? Huzzah! Hope that tiny slice of action was enough for now…

**Khandalis: **Thanks so much! :D *explodes from blushing too much* yay for all those reviews :)

**Cheesypineapple: **Will do, thanks…

**1m-pr2n7: **Glad you think so…

**Fabulosfan: **I am! I am a wizard! How'd you know? You hiss at a hint of OOCness? Are you a wizard too? Cause y'know…the hissing…parsel tongue…lol. Um…who's the queen? Why's she ordering stuff? Am I a caterer? (forgive the stupid questions, I'm hungry). Yay! A dedicated reader! Page breaks, you did it again XD

**MikaUchiha: **Mock trials? Sure, if you want them… I was actually thinking they might be hated :P LOL, mock trial mini-series? Like crack? Haha…all my crack's on another page (check for 'silvablaze' if you're interested). Will do!

**Wishing-conscious: **I did! HAHA! Thanks…

**YuTa-chan: ***glaring after glomp* get off… *stands* Sure thing… I could make it…dun dun durum…Instead of Ita/Kyu, I could make it **Itachi/ramen**…a lust-filled, slurpy relationship full of saucy goodness and- um, never mind.

**Gothic Anime Lover: **Button 3 is currently broken (thanks to you and many others) an das such is in hospital… please send it flowers and an apology.

**Roxxihearts: ***cries* you thought my story was lame? *goes back in time and _helps_ you kick your ass* I'm glad you gave it a chance XD I forgive you for doubting my awesomeness, lol

**Lunarious1000: **I disappeared? MY POWERS ARE BACK! I mean…sorry for that. School was killer…and it starts again next week (yes, a day after Christmas. They are evil bastards)… thankyou XD I hope you enjoyed Falling for Him as well.

**Sprig: **The dare SHALL! *strikes dramatic pose* I like a bold Naruto :3

**SciFiFlashFreak: **Another button offender! You're just like a rapist but worse! High school just sucks like that XD the real fun begins in uni…and then, you die…I mean, and then you grow up. I like Kiba too! EVIL JEANS! Wait…what if you have no ass? Do they still make it look fat? It's great that Sasuke found his long-lost balls. Kick em? Haha! XD Okay, just for you, Sai will be present later…

**E2tavi: **Thanks! I've always thought I was a genius but y'know, nice to have a second opinion, hehe…jk

**Vilight: **Good :D

**Flika: **CAUSE YOU BROKE THE DAMN BUTTONS! _THAT'S _WHY THEY AREN'T WORKING! Boo… I have plenty of loud, bat-ass crazy friends that Hinata takes after… Cue cards will rule the world…one day soon…

**Rokudaime09: **The challenges will be coming soon. I have them already written down. :D

**ark gabriel: **I'll continue for as long as I can ;) which should be till I finish it, hehe

**BurnLikeAFlame: **NO! Don't explode! Great…now I gotta finish it… *pouts*

**Ezlyluved96: **YAY! More Akatsuki? Got it, will do… I'll try put em up in the next chapter, kay? Uber innocent Naruto and overprotective Sasuke? LOL, yeah… I'm kinda guilty for making that stereotype in Falling For Him aren't I? hehe…

**Josseline9090: **Thanks for all em reviews :D

**YouBurnedMyFuckinEyes: **LOL, crazy name XD Get some sleep, poor kid… feel free to stalk me, I could use one more nutcase in my life…

**Chynna18rawrr: **I will, no worries…

**Zooki: **Another one? Haha, thanks so much…

**TheNaruFreak: **I will, hopefully soon seeing as how I wrote the next chapter down in my notebook XD

**Xxx-xxX**

**For tips on how to catch the elusive fish cake, press 1.**

**For endless ramen bait, press 2.**

**For world domination and free SasuNaru doujinshi, press 9.**

**(Button 3 was broken and is in hospital, getting both physical and emotional help. This is your fault, ALL OF YOU, and you must pay… IN CASH!)**

**x-x**

**For 'why the hell aren't the above buttons working?', click the review button and leave a message. A fangirl response team will magically appear to help you shortly.**


	7. the first challenge

**Konoha Dating Agency**

by Rizember

x-x

**Summary: **On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start an agency where they offer "the most romantic date you'll ever have" with a 'one date only' policy… humour, romance…sasunaru

x-x

**A/N: Lemon? Lime? I wrote a freakin watermelon baby! (Yes, it actually **_**is**_** as bland as it sounds XD )**

x-x

**Disclaimer: **yadee yadaa, I own naddaa...

x-x

**Chapter 7: The first Challenge**

x-x

"Not Guilty."

Everyone in mock court stared at Naruto in disbelief.

Ino shot out her seat. "What the _hell_ do you mean 'not guilty'?"  
Naruto sighed, "It means that the accused is not to be held responsible. Geez Ino, you're supposed to be a lawyer."

Ino stormed over to Naruto and grabbed the paper from him, reading it for herself before she glared at the rest of the jury. "Why the hell isn't he being given the _chair_?"  
"Order in the court!" Sasuke shouted, glaring at Ino.

"Oh, _screw _order!" Ino yelled, placing her hands on her hips as she stared down the twelve odd men on the jury.

She was the prosecutor and she damn well wanted to see some prosecution…or execution, whichever came first in the dictionary.

"Dammit Ino, I'm free! Let it go!" Kiba shouted impatiently.

"No way, you evil bastard! You stole that woman's handbag and defiled it! We want _justice_!"

Ino pointed at Sakura who was trying her best to look sad about her stolen handbag.

"What's the big deal?" Kiba asked. "Even if I did steal it, it's just a hand bag."

There was a horrified, collective gasp from all the women in the room.

"It was _Gucci_, you uncivilized buffoon!"  
Kiba shrunk away from the angry hellions and all the females screaming for his blood.

He even thought he saw a few guys glaring at him and surrounded by sparkles but maybe that was just his imagination.

He tried to hide behind his lawyer, Gaara, who seemed unperturbed by the whole thing.

Ino was scary and that alone should have been enough to scare the jury into convicting him.

He was wondering how Gaara had gotten him off.

There had been video evidence, he'd dropped his wallet at the scene of the crime- which had all his identification-, his dog tag with his address, blood type and favourite band carved onto it and just in case there was room for any doubt, he'd also somehow left some DNA in the form of blood, hair and semen.

To top it all off, he'd also apparently ditched his cell-phone and a notebook with his plans for the day which had included a note saying '**steal a bag today to take to pawn shop on 49th'**.

Unfortunately, being a Sunday, the pawn shop had been closed and the police had simply found the stolen handbag at his house.

Quite frankly, Kiba had been affronted when Ino had suggested he play the role of the stupidest thief alive.

Honestly, what kind of fool left behind all that evidence and _still_ pleaded 'not guilty'?

Apparently the kind with a good lawyer.

The video tape from security showed how he had ran up to the woman (Sakura), grabbed her handbag, dropped all the evidence and ran off with the bag while the woman shouted "thief!".

What Kiba wanted to know was how the hell a guy could leave _semen _at the scene of a crime like _that_ one?

Unless he'd been running and wanking at the same time, he didn't see how that was possible. Surely no man was _that _gifted.

All that aside, Kiba was free to roam the streets to be an idiot criminal again.

But Ino was a sore loser and was determined to get to the bottom of this. Kiba thought she was taking everything too seriously and somehow visualizing him mistreating the poor designer handbag or something.

Ino growled in anger.

"Something isn't right here!" she insisted.

"Shut up and sit down," Sasuke yelled, bringing his gavel down insistently.

When Ino ignored him, he sighed in exasperation and asked the bailiff to take her into custody.

She was to spend a week in prison and have six months of community service for contempt of court.

Ino glared at Sasuke and he smirked as she was handcuffed and seated.

Ibiki sighed. At this rate, he'd produce crass, unpolished judges and lawyers whose lifetime highlight would be being on the government payroll…if they even graduated at all.

"So," Sasuke yawned. "I'm done. Get your asses out of here."

When Ibiki frowned, Sasuke relented.

"Court dismissed. Get your asses out of here."

Ibiki decided he'd have to settle for that at least. The boy wasn't in his class after all.

Ino was still fuming as she was released from her cuffs and Sasuke was talking with Gaara.

The whole class was still present and Ibiki cleared his throat.

"I hope you all paid special attention to what happened in court today. This is one of the _many _cases where it is seen that the judge and jury _**can **_be bought."

Ino shrieked with indignation, launching herself at Naruto who tried to defend himself by protesting that he really shouldn't suffer for the rest of the jury and that it wasn't his fault that the cheque had had _so many zeroes_.

Kiba was doing the 'I'm free' dance, moon walking across the floor until Sakura put her leg out and tripped him, looking away innocently when he landed on his ass.

Almost two weeks had passed since the Akatsuki challenge had been issued and they'd joined forces.

Itachi hadn't been in touch since then and the group had been at ease.

Maybe it had all been a joke.

After finding that Kiba had grown an obsession with the cue cards, Naruto had had to lock them up in his room so the brunet would quit letting out exclamations of how amazing it was that Itachi knew what he was thinking…and that he was probably a ninja.

A psychic ninja.

Far be it from the others to question Kiba's sanity or logic when there was no doubt in their minds that neither was present in the boy's life.

Pizza was on Ino that day.

The drive back was violent and loud- Ino was punching Kiba and Naruto was driving.

"I can _not_ believe you bribed the jury!"

"Ino," Gaara sighed. "It wasn't real."

Ino snorted. "I know that, Gaara. I'm not stupid."

The silence following that sentence was soon filled with the cracking of Ino's knuckles.

"What are you guys trying to say?"

"We didn't _say_ anything!" Kiba protested, worried that Ino might attack Naruto next and his car would end up in a ditch.

They had used Kiba's Pajero to get to town.

Naruto was up front, driving, and Sasuke had sat next to him, ignoring Kiba's cry of 'shotgun!'.

Sakura was in the back seat with Gaara while Kiba had been unfortunate enough to sit in the middle with Ino, a _still-very-pissed _Ino.

Sakura had joined in the argument and she and Ino were yelling at each other while Kiba tried to stop them and Gaara somehow managed to look like he didn't know any of them, even though he was seated right there in the car…with them.

Sasuke was watching Naruto from the corner of his eye.

The blond was trying not to burst out laughing at Ino's rage.

Sasuke felt his lips twitch and turned away, looking out the window.

It had been about two weeks since he'd been let into their little group and he couldn't say he hadn't enjoyed every minute of it- except when he'd had to sit through Naruto's date with that Sai guy and pretend he was absolutely indifferent to the whole thing.

It had been hard, nearly impossible in fact, but _dammit _he was an Uchiha and he had done it!

He could see why Sai had been so taken with Naruto…who wouldn't be?

The blond was fun, cheerful and smart and as a bonus, he wasn't prone to violent acts- unlike his female counterpart.

Sasuke sighed as he stared out the window.

This was all just a game.

It wouldn't do to get too attached.

Feeling something on his knee, Sasuke looked down and smiled.

Naruto's hand was on his knee.

"You okay over there?"

Sasuke's gaze followed the tan hand up, passed the covered elbows and up to the neck and onto the full lips, the whole time making it look like he'd molest each part in great detail.

"Er…Sasuke?"

Sasuke continued to look at the blond's lips like he would love nothing better than to-

"You alright?"

Sasuke nodded, a slow smile forming on his lips as his eyes finally rose and met concerned blue ones before Naruto turned his attention back to the road.

"I'm fine."

Naruto smiled back. "Yeah… I know you are."

Sasuke shivered at the husky tone.

"Don't you need both hands to drive?"

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, I guess."

He removed his hand from Sasuke's knee and placed it back on the steering wheel.

A second later, Naruto looked down at his own knee and saw Sasuke's hand there. When he glanced at Sasuke, the boy was staring fixedly out the window and with the seats they were in, no one in the back could see the brunet's hand started to move slowly, back and forth, along Naruto's thigh to his knee and back again.

Naruto faced the road and cleared his throat uneasily. "Um, what are you doing?"

"What _you_ were doing?"

Naruto's eyes widened as he figured out that Sasuke thought that earlier, he'd tried to-

"I _swear _that's not what I was trying to do."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was just making sure you were okay."

Even from where he was, he could make out a small curve of Sasuke's lip as the bastard continued to rub his thigh.

"Sasuke, I'm driving," Naruto pointed out, placing his hand on the gear lever and shifting down.

The slower he drove, the less likely he was to drive everyone- and a random unfortunate tree- to a fiery death.

"You know," Sasuke said, turning toward him. "I could do _so much_ to you right now."

Naruto coughed. "I don't doubt that you could but I'm kind of hoping you don't want to die."

"Surely you have more control than that…" Sasuke teased.

Naruto swallowed loudly as Sasuke's hand slipped to his inner thighs, stroking at leisure.

Sasuke smiled pleasantly at Naruto. "But…I would just _love_ to make you lose it."

If anyone in the pair of seats behind them bothered to risk a glance at the two, all they'd see was Sasuke actually being social and Naruto having an asthma attack.

"Do you think you can hold yourself back?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto choked. His 'I can't breath' act was _really_ good.

Sasuke's hand brushed over the growing bulge in his pants and Naruto's body went against him as it shifted slightly, trying to get Sasuke to rub him again.

The brunet smirked.

"Hm, maybe we should continue this elsewhere."

Naruto growled as Sasuke retracted his hand.

"You…are a _bastard_."

Sasuke chuckled. "I know. But you still want me."

And with that, Sasuke went back to staring out the window.

Naruto frowned, thinking hard about desecrated ramen and Gaara making out with Kiba- kinda hot- NO!

He sighed.

Parents being nymphos, parents being nymphos, parents bein-

EEW!

He breathed in deeply. Crisis averted, flagpole going south, the flesh kabob is **in **the kitchen…

Naruto officially hated Sasuke.

The bastard was one sick, _sick_ boy.

Sasuke hadn't touched him since the day they'd watched those videos but even though Naruto wasn't one to wait for anyone to make the first move, he never found himself in a position to molest the Uchiha.

Sure they shared nearly all their classes and even ate lunch together but Sasuke had suddenly decided to sit with Sakura and at lunch and always found a seat that was away from the blond.

It almost seemed like Sasuke had been baiting him, staying away so Naruto could miss the feel of him and-

"You just ran a red light!" Sakura shouted at Naruto.

The others had noticed but really, they didn't care. Gaara even looked impressed.

"Sorry Sakura!" he shouted back.

Sasuke smirked at Naruto and Naruto glowered at him.

Oh, Sasuke thought he was smart, huh?

Well, the blond wasn't above alittle torture of his own.

When they finally got to the house, Hinata was sitting on his porch, eating a popsicle from his freezer.

Naruto really needed to get a safe for all his food.

"Hey guys," she greeted, standing and dusting herself off.

She pulled the popsicle from her mouth and handed Naruto a white envelope.

"It was in your mail box."

"You went through my mail?"

"Yeah, and you won a little keychain too," she took a Dragon ball Z keychain from her pocket, with _her_ set of keys already on it. "Thanks."

"No problem," he deadpanned.

He looked at the envelope and tore it open.

There was another envelope inside, this time it was black with red clouds.

The others all stared.

"Akatsuki?"

"Obviously," Sasuke said.

Naruto nodded and walked into the house, the others following him as he went into the room and sat on the round table.

"You should really get your furniture back," Hinata stated dryly, sitting by him on the table.

Naruto nodded absently and tore open the second envelope.

He read it out loud.

"_Good afternoon Naruto._

_I trust you're all well._

_I sent this message in three envelopes with a note in the first one telling Hinata to stop going through your mail_. _It's rude._"

Naruto looked pointedly at Hinata and she did her best to try to look remorseful and failed completely.

"_So here's how things are going to go…_

_Your first challenge starts today and will be in two parts._

_You must complete it before the day ends. Don't worry about evidence to show that it was completed; we'll be watching you._

_Please note that your rival's team has been formed and is complete. Find your last members by this weekend for the screening of the challenges and subsequent judging._

_So here it is. Part one of your first challenge:_

_Create your own super heroes._

_As always, in life, there is a catch. You must create the heroes you'd want your teammates to be._

_Include their specialities (powers), weaknesses, possible sidekicks, costumes, weapons and who created them (the party responsible, ie whoever wrote them down)._

_Please note that you must not put down powers you could not possibly have without evil science, nuclear radiation or bug bites and the like- unless it is within your means to possess these._

_The second part of your challenge will be revealed once you are done._

_Have fun and try to be creative. _

_Points will be given on creativity._

_As soon as you're done, place the envelope in the mail box. We realize there isn't an address for you to use but don't worry._

_Just write 'To Akatsuki' on the envelope and we'll get it._

_Good luck,_

_Itachi._

_Ps: Say hello to Sasuke for me. I'll see him this weekend._

_Ps: Ps: Remind him that his birthday's in two weeks."_

Sasuke paled at that and in his mind's eye, gave Itachi the finger, hoping he'd get it.

"Two weeks?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke shrugged, turning away and not at all interested in relaying his birthday woes to the guy he wanted to bang.

Deciding to get the challenge over with, they all migrated to the kitchen and over milkshakes, picked each other's names out of a paper hat.

Given the gravity of the situation, the unspoken agreement not to embarrass each other and the seriousness with which they wanted to win, this was what they came up with:

**Name: **Kiba Inuzuka

**Super hero identity: **Kaka man

**Powers:** Able to take a dump on crime and the forces of evil.

**Weapon: **pooper scooper.

**Sidekick: **Akamaru (aka Doggie man).

**Weaknesses: **Disinfectants.

**Costume: **dog costume.

**Created by: **Evil Doctor Sakura.

Kiba blinked and stared disbelievingly at Sakura. "_Seriously?"_

She nodded, an evil grin forming on her rosebud mouth. "You can also take a _piss _on the powers of evil."

Kiba mumbled something about pissing on _her_ that got him smacked.

**Name: **Gaara Subaku.

**Super hero identity: **Scary aura guy.

**Powers: **Able to scare children and mid-sized adults.

**Weapon: **his face.

**Sidekicks: **The powers of evil.

**Weaknesses: **rainbows, puppies and happiness.

**Costume: **grim reaper outfit and scythe.

**Created by: **Just call me Master (aka Ino)

**Name: **Hinata Hyuuga

**Super hero identity: ** Spy girl.

**Powers: **Able to obtain embarrassing but deadly information on her enemies.

**Weapon: **her façade of innocence.

**Sidekicks: **None.

**Weaknesses: **Austin Powers.

**Costume: **cat suit.

**Created by: **Evil genius Naruto.

**Name: ** Naruto Uzumaki

**Super hero identity: **Car salesman guy.

"WHAAAT?" Naruto bellowed. "FOR _REAL_?"

Gaara snickered and went on.

**Powers: **Able to sell cars.

**Weapon: **His trusty comb and greasy hair gel.

**Sidekicks: **None.

**Weaknesses: **Test drives.

**Costume: **A tweed suit and greasy hair.

**Created by: **You're my bitch (but you can call me Sasuke)

Naruto shot Sasuke a dark look, promising a swift, early and quite tragic death.

**Name: **Sasuke Uchiha.

**Super hero identity: **Emo guy.

**Powers: **doom and gloom.

**Weapon: **glare of doom ™

**Sidekicks: **bad weather (when present) and fangirls.

**Weaknesses/Evil Nemesis: **fangirls.

**Costume: **Hot Topic goth/emo stuff.

**Created by: **No, you're _my_ bitch. (aka Hinata)

Hinata and Naruto hi-fived.

**Name: **Sakura Haruno.

**Super hero identity: **Pink girl.

**Powers: **Able to blend in with any pink surroundings as long as she's in the right shade of pink in that area.

Sakura glared at Kiba, already knowing it was _his_ doing from the smug and oh-so-proud look on his face. "I hate you."

**Weapon: **Her trusty pink marker.

**Sidekicks: **None.

**Weaknesses: **other colours…especially the colour red.

**Costume: **Pink leotard.

**Created by: **McLovin (aka Kiba)

**Name: **Ino Yamanaka.

**Super hero identity: **Fashion police girl.

**Powers: **Destruction of unfashionable outfits and the power to make anything look good.

**Weapons: **her trusty scissors, her trusty boomerang heels and her even-more-trusty credit card.

**Sidekicks: **None.

**Weaknesses: **Pocket protectors.

**Costume: **A Prom dress.

**Created by: ** Gaara.

Ino stared at Gaara, not sure whether to be pleased or kill him.

Needless to say, after the revealing of who their super hero identities were and who was responsible, there were a few outbreaks of war.

Gaara was easily fending off Ino's kicks, surprised she'd actually been paying attention to her kick-boxing classes while Kiba just choked as Sakura strangled him.

It was really pleasant.

Naruto went out and stuffed the envelope containing their hero papers into the mailbox.

He'd been back in the house barely ten minutes before there was a knock on the door.

He opened it and stared at the courier there.

"May I help you?"

"Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Yes."

"Express package. Please sign."

Naruto signed and took the box that the man presented him with before walking back in.

Looking at the address, he frowned and motioned to the others.

They took in the Akatsuki sign.

"Are they _all _psychic?" Kiba asked, his voice hoarse from Sakura's unorthodox embrace.

Sasuke shrugged. "I don't even know who _they _are."

Naruto took out a card from the box and read it out.

"_Dear Naruto._

_Yes, snail mail is not as slow as it used to be._

_Anyway, part two of your challenge is here._

_Become the heroes you wrote up along with your powers and save at least one person by the end of the day according to your 'powers'._

_On Saturday morning, please refer to the cue cards for the details of where to meet the other team._

_Have a pleasant day."_

There was a pregnant pause that gave birth to silent horror.

"It's been what, ten minutes?" Ino asked, feeling like she was in a mystery novel. "Are they camping by your mailbox?"

"Maybe they're watching us," Kiba suggested.

"I wouldn't put it past Itachi," Sasuke frowned.

"Dude, he seems really evil. I feel sorry for you," Kiba stated truthfully.

Sasuke nodded, feeling sorry for himself.

Naruto quietly opened the large box and found smaller carefully wrapped packages inside with names on them.

He sighed and handed each one out.

They ripped them open and stared.

"Oh _hell_ no," Kiba said, lifting up a costume.

It was a dog costume. Probably a really sucky costume meant for Halloween. He held up the pooper scooper in his other hand and plotted Sakura's swift but _very_ brutal death even as she smirked at him. Her smirk died out when she pulled out her own costume. Sakura's face was red, completely livid at the pink leotard in her hand and a large pink marker in the other. Kiba backed away before her anger could be properly administered to him in one large healthy dose.

The others slowly held theirs out.

Hinata held up her cat suit and sighed. It came with ears.

Gaara seemed pleased with his scythe and long black cloak and was actually thankful for Ino. The girl certainly had her uses.

Naruto was glaring at his tweed suit like he was sure if he scared it enough, it would turn into something cool. Under the suit, he found a tub of hair grease and he scowled, worrying for his great hair. Hell, when this was over, he was going to **kill **Sasuke. Maybe rape him first. **Then** kill him. Yeah… No point in wasting a good piece of ass.

Sasuke was too busy staring at the clothes in his box to bother feeling that his death was currently pending. Inside were fishnets, silver jewellery with skulls on them, clips and other assorted items on top of the black see-through vest and the jeans that looked like they could pass for spandex. Somehow he just _knew_ Itachi had picked out all this for him personally.

Ino seemed like the least pleased off all of them. In her box was a large fluffy dress. A large fluffy _wedding_ dress. There was also a note that said '_Sorry, we were all out of prom dresses but this should do just fine'_. Beside it was a scissors, a pair of white heels that she actually grudgingly approved of and a credit card.

Upon closer inspection, she saw that the credit card was actually hers.

Those _bastards_.

"This is not worth it," she mumbled.

The others were still poking at their costumes like they were wild animals.

Kiba yawned, stretching. "Come on bitches, let's go save the world."

When the girls glared at him, he sighed. "I was talking to the guys."

"Whatever," Ino huffed as she followed Sakura up the stairs.

"Guess that's it for Dawn's then," Hinata said, tossing her costume back in the box.

The two girls on the stairs stopped.

A second later, they were swearing loudly and grabbing their costumes.

Hinata sighed and went up with them to their room to change.

When Kiba tried to follow, Gaara pulled him collar and threw him to the ground.

"Listen Shit-man-"

"It's Kaka-man," Kiba growled.

Gaara shot him a dark look. "You're the super hero who throws crap at criminals. Does it really matter what I call you?"

Kiba pouted and turned away.

Naruto chuckled and Sasuke hid a smirk.

"Okay, so we win this thing and get that cup. What then?" Gaara asked. "This doesn't seem worth it and as long as I still have a dick, Dawn's doesn't exactly do it for me."

"When did Gaara get so crude?" Kiba asked, amused.

"When I realised we might be doing all this for nothing," Gaara deadpanned. "We have no proof Akatsuki even exists."

"It does," Sasuke assured.

"Says you," the redhead growled. "You didn't know it existed either before you got here. I'm not doing this for a stupid cup."

"Are you scared?" Kiba teased.

Gaara punched him in the gut and while Kiba was doubled over and cursing Gaara's offspring, he turned to the other two.

"Is this worth it?"

"We've never backed out of a dare before," Naruto grinned. "And besides, they tee-peed my house and are probably watching us right now. In fact, there may be a camera in the girls' room, watching them changing…"

When both Gaara and Kiba froze, Naruto chuckled. "We win it, get the title and stop this. I highly doubt they'll leave us alone just because we said we're backing out."

Gaara's mood darkened and he grabbed his costume. "Let's get it over with then."

There was a knock on the door and Naruto went to open it.

A tall brunette with warm brown eyes was at the door with a large white dog.

"Hana?"

The dog leaped onto Naruto and started to try to lick his face off.

"Akamaru get off!"

Kiba ran to the door and jumped onto the dog, wrestling with him and laughing happily.

Hana chuckled. "I got a call saying you wanted him so I drove over. When you want me to pick him up, just call."

Naruto nodded, still on the floor and trying to avoid Akamaru's butt in his face.

"Sure thing Hana, thanks."

She waved pleasantly and walked back to her car.

As she drove off, Sasuke came to stand by Naruto. "Akatsuki?"

The blond shrugged. "Probably. But that was too fast. We just got the challenges."

"She's in it, isn't she?" Kiba asked from the floor, suddenly sombre.

"Probably," Naruto said.

"Where can I get changed?" Sasuke asked suddenly.

Naruto ran a hand through his hair and smiled softly. "Follow me."

Gaara was still in the living room, looking disappointed cause he'd just found out that his scythe was actually a plastic prop. Stupid Akatsuki.

Akamaru ran up to Gaara and growled menacingly at him.

"Go away."  
Akamaru barked and went away.

That was how it had always been. He would threaten Gaara and the boy would just tell him off. Maybe he could try scaring the dark haired boy…

Sasuke stared indifferently at the white dog staring at him.

"What?"  
Akamaru huffed. Was there no one afraid of his awesome dogliness? He sulked and followed Kiba down the hall to the only bedroom on the ground floor.

Gaara went up to Naruto's room while the blond led Sasuke to the bathroom upstairs.

It wasn't that the boys were scared of changing in front of each other…it was mostly that Naruto had the tendency to pass lewd, uncomfortable remarks whenever they did and they had long ago decided that he was quite capable of jumping them and as such, they'd be safer getting dressed in a different room. Preferably one with a lock.

"Pretty big house for one guy," Sasuke pointed out.

Naruto shrugged. "Unfortunately, I have freeloading friends who decided to move in whenever they feel like it."

"You don't mind?"

The blond laughed. "Like you said, it's a pretty big house for one guy."

Sasuke nodded and went into the room Naruto indicated.

It was a large bathroom.

"Why here?"

"All the bedrooms are occupied," Naruto said, starting to take off his clothes.

Sasuke gulped and turned away from Naruto's well-toned tan chest.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?"

Sasuke nodded, still not looking at the blond and Naruto smirked.

"You know," he said, walking toward Sasuke. "I didn't appreciate you avoiding being near me these past couple of weeks."

"Me?" Sasuke asked, feigning innocence.

"Yeah…you."

Naruto was right in his face, staring pointedly at his lips.

"You _were_ avoiding me, weren't you?"

Sasuke wondered what the right answer was.

Of course he had. But that was just so he could drive Naruto crazy. And it had worked. All the times he'd innocently accepted a popsicle from Sakura and sucked on it slowly whenever he knew Naruto was looking, all those times he'd dropped something and presented the blond with both his ass and a pretty amazing execution of 'the bend and snap', all those times he'd moaned in class, stretching and letting his shirt ride up…

It was torture. For both of them.

Sasuke's breath always hitched whenever he'd see Naruto stare longingly at him, bite his lip and let his eyes haze over in a cloud of lust.

The boy just oozed sex.

Every time he ran his hand through his hair when frustrated; when he'd wink at waitresses and get free drinks before being slapped by Sakura; when he'd throw Hinata out of his house for finishing all his dessert and let her in later after she'd buy him some ramen…

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the things he'd been noticing about the Namikaze.

But the thing he knew for sure was that Naruto knew people wanted him. He knew he was hot and though he wasn't exactly rubbing it in people's faces, the guy knew he could have whoever he wanted.

Naruto was a wild stallion and Sasuke wanted to break him.

Sasuke stared into deep blue eyes and snorted when he saw Naruto smirking.

He stepped back and started to undress, doing it slowly so Naruto could have his own private show. He gave Naruto his back and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

The next minute, Sasuke found his arms pressed against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall, bracing himself against them.

Naruto's hand pulled him tightly against him. They both still had their jeans on and were naked from the waist up.

"You enjoy teasing me, don't you?"

Naruto spun Sasuke around and backed him up to the tub where Sasuke took the hint and sat down at the edge, half-leaning against the wall.

Naruto took that opportunity to sit himself down in Sasuke's lap.

Sasuke chuckled softly. "Get off. I want to get dressed."

"And I want to get off."

Before Sasuke could answer, Naruto pressed his lips to his. He kissed him softly, slowly moving his lips over the Uchiha's. Sasuke's arms went around Naruto's waist and pulled him closer. He shivered as their chests brushed against each other with the barest of movement. Naruto placed both arms around the brunet's neck and pulled him closer.

Naruto's tongue slipped out and moved between Sasuke's lips. The raven opened his mouth and sighed as Naruto's tongue immediately sought his out, twirling around in his mouth, coaxing out his own tongue into action. It was a heady feeling, intoxicating in every sense of the word as they kissed. It was slow, relaxed and gentle- almost painful with how much of their desire they were holding back.

They tilted their heads, deepening the kiss, moving even slower as hands started to trail. Naruto slipped one hand into Sasuke's hair and tugged slightly, his other going down to slide over a nipple.

Sasuke moaned and arched his back, unconsciously bucking.

Naruto gasped at the feel of Sasuke's hardening cock against his ass. Loving the feel of it, he adjusted himself so he was right above it. He started to rotate his hips, moving in a deliciously unhurried circle. His breathing was getting faster and he could hear Sasuke's soft pants.

He didn't want to hear soft pants.

He wanted Sasuke screaming his name to the mountain tops and singing off key.

He wanted Sasuke to be a hot, sweaty mess.

He wanted Sasuke.

The Uchiha didn't protest when he felt warm soft hands undoing his buttons and slipping into his jeans. He moaned and pressed his face into Naruto's neck, licking and biting, anything to keep him distracted from the deliberately long-winded strokes on his dick. He pressed against Naruto's hand and bit his lip when the blond squeezed gently.

When Naruto removed his hand, Sasuke groaned at the loss only to helpfully lift his hips when Naruto tugged his jeans down, leaving him feeling relieved at the loss of the restricting material. He was in his boxers and the next minute, Naruto was in his boxers, too. Their impressive erections were clearly visible but both refrained from having a dick measuring contest, deciding to save that for a later date.

Naruto took Sasuke's hand and pulled him away from the tub's edge, dragging him down to the floor. Sasuke went without protest and sat down on the cold tiled floor with his back leaning against the bath.

Naruto smiled, his eyes at half-mast with lust.

He crouched in front of Sasuke, a predatory gleam in his eyes, before he turned and sat down in Sasuke's lap again. This time, he moved his hand between them, directing Sasuke's cock between the base of his boxer-clad cheeks, away from his hole. He pressed down on Sasuke and moaned with him when Sasuke's cock twitched between both their legs.

Naruto leaned back against Sasuke, his back against the Uchiha's chest and raised his hands to run through Sasuke's hair when the raven started to kiss his neck again.

Naruto's hips started their slow, languid rotation again, grinding his ass slowly into Sasuke's groin, feeling the shivers running through the raven's body as he too, rolled his body against Naruto's.

They were in sync, breathing hard and sweating as Sasuke's hands roamed Naruto's body, tweaking a nipple even as he bit down into the blond's neck, further encouraged by the heady whimpers and small tugs of his hair.

Naruto ground hard into Sasuke, making the brunet moan out loud. He spread his legs slightly and started to move faster. He was already dripping and could feel a small patch of wetness between his legs.

When Sasuke's hand came round to stroke him, he nearly lost it. The hand slipped into his boxer and freed him. Sasuke fisted him and started to pump him, moving up and down, faster and faster as their grinding bodies sped up.

Naruto bit his lip, aware of Sasuke's hands, his skin, his lips…the bucking body beneath him had him almost wishing he'd taken off his damn boxers and just let the Uchiha take him. Hell, his cock was so close and yet, so far…

Letting the Uchiha fuck him would be letting him win and even though they were now both grinding away like animals, he still wanted to win this round. Or draw.

He yanked Sasuke's hand away and spun, dropping his groin onto the Uchiha's and pulling him over him as he lay on the floor. He slipped Sasuke's boxers off and let out a long, loud moan when their cocks rubbed against each other.

Sasuke was only to happy to oblige.

They kissed passionately, with tongues sucking and licking, hands roaming roughly everywhere and bodies bucking and grinding into each other. Their speed picked up and they panted against each other, nearing release.

_Harder…_

As if hearing the unspoken command, they both shifted gear and sped up.

They moved faster, pressed harder, moulded their bodies together like there was nothing else and finally-

"GYAAAAH! WHAT THE FUCK!"

Naruto and Sasuke broke off their frantic kiss and growled in frustration.

They had been _so close_ and once again, Sakura had managed to interrupt.

They had half a mind to continue but decided it was best to finish later when Sakura started dry-heaving in the hallway and Kiba was suddenly there, gawking at them and giving them an expression that clearly said 'please continue, I don't mind'.

**(I am a rich page break. Bow before me, peasants)**

Lunch was loud and rambunctious. Kiba was helping Hinata with the cooking while Sakura tossed insults at him every other second. Eventually, he set the knife down and tackled Sakura. They rolled around on the floor for a few minutes with the others placing bets which Gaara was keeping track of. Ino and Sasuke had fivers running on Sakura while Naruto was stuck betting against them out of loyalty to Kiba rather than any actual belief that the boy would win.

Finally, Sakura raised her fist in the air.

She was victorious.

They all then went back to their duties.

Sasuke was making the sauce while Naruto and Ino were making the salad, tossing pieces of lettuce at Gaara whenever he turned away. Gaara was in charge of sitting and not doing anything. It was what he was best at.

They ate leisurely, even though they were all very aware that they looked stupid sitting and eating while in their super hero costumes.

"It's like looking at the League of Lame Superheroes that Marvel rejected," Sasuke stated dryly, looking around.

"Speak for yourself," Kiba protested. "I'm sexy no matter what I wear."

Naruto snorted and once again, the group of friends had a hard time not snickering when he glared at them.

He looked like his father.

Naruto ran a hand through his greasy hair and swore as he stood up again to wash his hands. He had to _stop _doing that!

Honestly, he looked pretty good. Like a young college professor.

It gave him chills. Of the bad variety.

Taking out the cue cards, Naruto let the still-fascinated Kiba ask all the necessary questions while he read out the answers.

"Okay, where do we go dressed like this?"

"_Outside, you idiot,_"

Kiba scowled. "Why are the cards always insulting me?"

Naruto chuckled as he read the answer. "_You're a moron. It's easy_."

Naruto had to keep Kiba and his lighter away from the cards after that.

Finding Sasuke's eyes on him, Naruto sent him a small smirk which was quickly returned.

The others had noticed the looks the two were sending each other and had growing suspicions that something had happened.

They were acting hornier than usual.

"Where do we go specifically?" Hinata asked slowly, still watching the blond and brunet.

Naruto tore his eyes away from Sasuke and looked at the cards and read out several addresses that were all in town.

_Crap._

They had to go out like that in public…and not just campus public…_the actual public._

He groaned and sat down heavily by Sasuke who simply smirked and patted his blond head before Naruto glared playfully at him.

"Okay, enough with the googly eyes," Ino huffed impatiently. "What happened between the two of you?"

Kiba provided the answer. "Another superhero emerged while the two of them were trying to get each other off in the bathroom downstairs."

They looked at him questioningly and he shot Sakura a glare. "Presenting 'The CockBlocker'. Obviously we all know what her powers are."

Sakura threw Kiba a dirty look. "It wasn't on purpose!"

"You didn't even knock!" Kiba accused.

"I thought it was empty!"  
"Yeah right!" he snorted. "Cause toilets have always been known to moan loudly like that…"

Sakura blushed. "Okay…I wasn't thinking."

Kiba regarded her for a moment. "Deep down inside, you're a closet fangirl."

It wasn't a question.

The next minute, Sakura placed a hundred dollar bill on the table and threw a glass at Kiba who luckily ducked in time.

Naruto quietly pocketed the money, nodded at Sakura and told Kiba to sweep up the glass.

"What? Why?"

The blond shrugged. "She already paid for the damage."

Kiba swore under his breath and went to get a broom.

They left soon after and Gaara and Naruto drove them to their various locations in the town, not too far from each other.

They all had strange occurrences there…and even stranger opportunities for them to 'help people' using their 'powers'.

All the while, they couldn't help but feel that Akatsuki was playing them.

**(I am a horny page break. Do me)**

Kiba fell onto the carpet. "We did it. The day's _finally _over and not that many people saw us."

"You guys need to see this…"

The others turned and faced Gaara's laptop, eyes widening as they saw pictures and videos of themselves in costume, 'fighting crime' as well as their police escort home for their jobs well done.

Kiba growled low. "Those _bastards_."

As Gaara scrolled down, a pop-up window came up with the Akatsuki sign blinking at them.

Naruto read it out loud.

"_Challenge Two: We believe revenge is a dish best served cold and ice-cream does just the trick. _

_Your next challenge is relatively easy._

_Get back at us._

_The catch?_

_You'll have to find us first._

_Have a great day._

_PS: you must complete this challenge before midnight on Friday. _

_Good luck."_

x-x

**A/N: Guess the eighth and ninth members of Naruto's team and win yourself a dedication in the next chapter (LOL, I know, lame prize)**

**x-x**

**REVIEW REPLY**

**Season Crystal: **Thanks, random? Me? Never! Erm…I was kinda, y'know, writing assignments, labs and er…stuff…

**Lingo10: **You're LATE! Tch, Kakashi wannabe *pouts* lol, thanks for reviewing anyway :P

**SciFiSlashFreak: **World domination, huh? *dreamy sigh* don't we all… Yeah, poor all-those-guys… *sigh* Haha, the British page break called you a tosser and glared in response :D

**Akiraoniichan: **Yes well, damning Sakura will be Kiba's job, lol. She's the super cock-blocker-extraordinaire! Awesome sounding dates? Seriously? Um, well, I've never actually been out on a date so…I dunno, my dreams? That's okay, I'm glad you reviewed :D hope your laptop kills that virus.

**Mu149: **Yay! Thanks so much for that. I was like "realistic and more depth" and nodding my head wisely and everything right before my sister smacked my head and told me it was a compliment then I was like "Pssh, I knew that"…so…hehe. But seriously, thanks XD

They _do_ seem like replicas of the Akatsuki group don't they? Lol…

**YouBurnedMyFuckinEyes: **Yeah, I know the dangerous Mother tone. I've heard it many times… Marry you, huh? I have many proposals for marriage so what's your offer? *hehe, capitalist*

**MikaUchiha: **Super Mega Fast update…? Uh…sure? See, there was this time-warp and my updates got sucked in and…*cricket chirping* IT'S TRUE! LOL, you're hinting to me that you want a date…with me? ;)

**Wakawaka22: **Um, I think I put in Sasuke's reaction here but thanks loads for reminding me (I have the memory of whatever creature it is that sucks at remembering things)… Thanks for the review!

**Darkblue91: **thanks sooooooooooooooooooo much *giggles*

**E2tavi: **Hinata/Kiba love? *chuckles* not…..*pause* Kiba?Sakura love? Dun dun dunnnnnn….

**BookJippie: **Dammit, I was sure the fangirl response team was a secret organisation that only I knew about… Darn. Buttons 4 to 8 died in a massacre when they tried to defend button 3. It was tragic.

**Gothis Anime Lover: **Er…buttons still not working? My bad… *sneaks away* Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :)

**Narutofweak: **LOL, I just wanted Kiba to be from my country. I'm selfish like that. You're welcome. Though I'm pretty sure most people don't like 'A kind of magic', but I dunno why *sighs sadly* oh well…

**Silver-eyed: **haha, humour and serious stuff? Yeah, that's me XD *bows*

**BurnLikeAFlame: **Mm…good pain…Thanks :D

**Khandalis: **I'm thrilled I'm still alive, too XD Haha, so you're (kinda) African, like me! YAY!

**Chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **Thanks so much, always a pleasure to know you're still bothering with my fics… *_*

**Cibiboy: **Oh no worries, the eighth and ninth members of their team will be introduced in the next chapter but you can feel free to guess who it'll be…

**Yurisa Ai: **Teehee, I wasn't blushing…I'll do my best to please you! BELIEVE IT!

**Danger13: **Haha, I just kinda thought of all the sports I don't have a gift for and created GOPHERS! I really need to make it a reality, hehe… I'll be waiting for the PM…Unless I already got it and just forgot…hmm….

**Sprig: **Kiba's a bum and I love him for it! Haha, I know, I suck at being serious!

**Kanazerosukenaru: **New Yorker Page breaks might just crush someone's spirit and flush it down the toilet… (yes, I think they're that rude) haha…You're welcome.

**Juura99: **Man, I love reading your long reviews (even when they make sense. Which they don't. Ever.) Hewo! YAY AFRICA! That…was….a _plan_? Really? Are you sure? I mean, I kinda get the world domination bit but really, a band? And what if I don't want kids? What if I wanna enjoy life without the burden of a perpetual freeloader, huh? HUH?

**x-x**

**For a free manual on achieving world peace, press 1.**

**For a free manual on solving global warming, press 2.**

**For a manual on world domination for only $3.99, press 4.**

**(Buttons 3 and 9 were broken and are currently in hospital, getting both physical and emotional help. This is your fault, ALL OF YOU, and you must pay… IN ****CASH****)**

**x-x**

**For 'why the hell aren't the above buttons working?', click the review button and leave a message. An Anbu response team will appear in a very ninja way to help you shortly.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Konoha Dating Agency**

by Rizember

**A/N: Only six of you guessed right...so, uh...congratulations :) I had half a mind to change the last two members just to prove you smug bastards wrong but **

**decided I'd make my own life difficult. If I left anyone out, I apologise. Tell me in a PM and I'll correct it.  
**

**So *drum roll*, this chapter is for the following people:**

1-NarutoForever

2- anime. drawer14

3-OhSnapSasuke

4-raj

5-kanazerosukenaru

6-smart cat  
-xxxxxx-

**A/N2: JUST CORRECTING THE FORMAT**

**Chapter Eight: A compromise of Sorts**

-  
Chaos.

Sweet, glorious, and yet still-somewhat-organised chaos was the result of the Akatsuki challenge to find them.

While the girls screamed out for blood, the boys _shouted_ for it, because they were manly like that.

Well, Kiba and Naruto shouted.

Sasuke was too busy agreeing with Gaara that they were surrounded by noisy idiots.

The girls decided to make dinner while the boys all went to Naruto's basement.

Sasuke's jaw nearly dropped at the sight that met him when Naruto turned on the basement lights. In the few days he'd known Naruto and basically lived at his house

whenever they had free periods from their classes, Sasuke had never once set foot in the basement, the attic or Naruto's bedroom.

Naruto seemed to always fall asleep on the carpet in the furniture-less tv room while everyone else called dibs on the bedrooms.

The blond had already given Sasuke a room downstairs if he ever needed it, which Sasuke had taken out of a strange need to be polite, but had not yet used. He and

Hinata usually left to head back to KT after each day, usually staying long enough for supper.

Sasuke could almost see _why_ he had never been shown the basement before.

The room was like a tiny geek heaven.

Computers were set up on several desks lining the walls and what Sasuke had to assume was either a giant CPU or the star trek motherboard, was sitting in the

middle of the room.

"What the hell..."

Sasuke waited patiently for Darth Vader to step out from behind a computer and breathe heavily as he was prone to doing, with what was obviously some really bad

asthma, before claiming paternal rights to one of them. Although, to be fair, in this day and age, Darth Vader would probably get decked for being a sex offender, what

with waving his glowing stick about all willy-nilly and breathing like that.

Naruto and Gaara hurried down the steps and started turning everything on.

The only reason Sasuke even followed them down to Nerd Heaven was that Kiba pushed him and he almost broke his neck trying not to fall. One good punch to the gut

was just what karma ordered.

Kiba explained (while rubbing his stomach soothingly) to Sasuke what the hell was going on as Naruto and Gaara were too busy grabbing cables and connecting them

to two laptops which they immediately logged on to, even though they moved to sit at a pair of desktops as well.

Apparently, when they weren't barely surviving potential rape by fangirls, they enjoyed hacking, cooking and taking long walks by the beach.

Kiba had a way of making them sound like lonely bachelors.

Sasuke snorted at any idea that Naruto could be a hacker but after a little proof involving Sasuke's bank calling to declare him bankrupt and then calling a few minutes

later to apologise for the obvious glitch in their system, Sasuke had grudgingly accepted that maybe Naruto _was_ a computer genius.

It was just unfortunate that while Naruto and Gaara were actually being useful on their computers, Sasuke was forced to listen to Kiba.

And when the girls finally got to the basement-

"It's like boys get stupider every day," Sakura whispered in awe.

She, Ino and Hinata were watching Kiba arguing with Sasuke, marveling at the dog-owners' previously unseen levels of idiocy.

"I'm telling you, _that_'s how the toilet was invented!" Kiba yelled.

Sasuke sighed, gracing Kiba with a dry look. "So...you're saying one day, a guy was pooping in a hole he'd just dug and thought to himself, 'what if someone _else_ dug

the hole, or better yet, what if the hole was _already_ _there_?'...?"

Kiba nodded enthusiastically, "Exactly, and then he invented the chamber pot but after careful consideration, made a few improvements and thus, the flushable john

came to be," the boy grinned. "All of man's greatest ideas came from some form of an inbred desire to be lazy."

Sasuke held back an amused smile. "So...sliced bread?"

"Breaking bread was hard work. Ancient bread was probably majorly rock-like so it took a lot of effort to cut up pieces for everyone. Sometimes they'd get so mad

they'd whack someone over the head with the loaf and kill them."

"Cars?"

"Bicycles were tiring," Kiba gave Sasuke a look that implied he was stupid for even asking. "And the same goes for stopping to ask for directions. They knew women

nagged incessantly and so they gave you a useful computer woman who could both give you directions and shut the first one up, and called her 'Central Navigation

System'."

"Guns?"

"Why walk all the way over to a guy when you can kill him from the comfort of your own home?"

"I'm not sure you understand how guns work."

"I'm in!" Naruto yelled from his place in front of a desktop.

"That's what she said!" Kiba snorted, only to be smacked by Sakura as the girls finally made their way down.

While Naruto dealt with disabling the firewalls and security, Gaara worked tirelessly to ensure their hacking wasn't being tracked, and that if it was, he led them away.

"You already found them?" Sasuke asked, impressed.

Naruto nodded distractedly. "When Kiba started talking."

"So what are you doing?"

"Hacking into their system. It seems Akatsuki is actually a conglomerate."

"But I've never heard of it."

"They use different names when marketing themselves and own many businesses," Gaara stated. "They also own Dawn," he added with a smirk. Female jaws dropped

and swear words erupted.

"Those _bastards_!" Sakura hissed.

"At least it means they can come through on their side, if we win."

"_When_ we win," Sasuke muttered.

Sakura was just handing out the sandwiches and glasses of juice when both Naruto and Gaara swore.

"Shut everything down, now," Gaara ordered.

Naruto pressed a large button with an X on his laptop and all the computers immediately went off.

Naruto leaned heavily in his chair and smiled at the ceiling.

"What just happened?" Hinata asked, her mouth full as she went through her fifth sandwich.

"They had a tracer," Gaara said drily. "I almost didn't notice it. They were going to spike our system."

"In English?" Ino asked. "Not all of us play dungeons and dragons."

"It means they were going to make it so we couldn't hack them."

"By doing what?"

"Making our computers explode," Gaara deadpanned.

Ino stared at him. "You're lying."

"Of course I am," he retorted. "But I'm trying to simplify it so you can understand."

Ino huffed and walked back upstairs.

"So what happens now?" Hinata asked.

"We try again," Naruto said with an excited grin.

"Uh..."

"All we need is a third person to handle their tracer and we'll be good to go," Naruto said.

"But..."

"We understand you guys don't know vista from windows 7 so we'll get a professional."

"Is that allowed?" Sakura asked.

Naruto stood and took the offered plate of sandwiches. "Well," he kissed her cheek briefly. "No one said we couldn't. Besides, I know just the guy. And we could add

him on as our newest member."

"Who?" Sasuke asked, glaring at Sakura for a moment.

"Don't worry," Naruto winked at him. "You'll like him. Let's go."

"It's late, you moron," Sasuke said. "You can't go recruiting at this hour."

Naruto blinked, looking at the time. "Hm, you're right. Is that your way of subtly asking to spend the night with me?"

Sasuke snorted and went up the stairs, fully planning on using his room for the first time instead of leaving like he usually did, followed closely by Sakura and Kiba.

"So..." Naruto smirked at Gaara. "I think I'm wearing him down."

Gaara snorted from his seat. "I'm actually amazed you two haven't already gotten to humping like bunnies."

"I'm kinda disappointed," Hinata agreed. "I feel ripped off."

The blond wagged his eyebrows at her. "Anytime you need me to rip-"

"Oh, shut up, you," she sighed, also leaving.

"She has a point, you know. You and the Uchiha haven't even spent one night together," Gaara pointed out, standing and stretching. "It's a _little_ disappointing."

"The fun is in the chase," Naruto chuckled. "Who knows what terrible things would happen if I caught him too soon."

"Somehow, I think the world would still go on."

"But then the game would end," Naruto stated, leading the way back upstairs.

"What if it stops being a game?"

Naruto snorted at that. "That's hardly likely."

Gaara sighed. That was unfortunately true. Naruto had a way of making relationships seem like competitions. The only reason he even bothered dating people was if

they happened to be a challenge.

Gaara knew it had something to do with his first girlfriend but seeing as how Naruto hadn't bothered letting out all the details, Gaara and the rest only maintained their

vast hatred of the girl. It also eased their righteous indignation when they'd found out that each of them had done something to her, and kept it a secret from Naruto.

While Kiba had gone for the petty issue of keying her car and leaving a stink bomb in her kitchen vent, the rest of them had taken a subtler, but more damaging,

approaches.

"Wanna watch tv?"

Gaara sighed and followed Naruto up the steps, nodding his assent.

**(I am a British page break. I have an obsession with tea)**

Morning found them all rushing to class, paying the price for their night of 'turd-hunting' as Kiba so charmingly called it.

Naruto sat heavily in his seat, Sasuke moving calmly into the seat beside him.

"For someone who woke up _after_ me and also ran like hell up all those stairs, you're looking suspiciously composed," Naruto grumbled.

Sasuke simply smirked at him. "Uchihas don't sweat."

"You poor sods," the blond said sympathetically, ignoring Sasuke's indignant huff.

"Good morning class!"

Naruto sighed at Genma's excited greeting.

He was a firm believer in the swift execution of morning people. He was actually considering becoming president so he could ban pre-noon anything. Unless it was

shagging, cause really, that was a pretty decent way to start a day.

"Today," Genma whispered dramatically. "We will learn all about _curves_! Get your mind out of the gutter Ishida-"

"Hey!"

"-I mean curves on buildings and on paper and in life. No, this won't be the physical curves of the buxom Miss Kurenai although I'd sell all your souls for a glimpse of 

_that_. No one tell Asuma I said that. That means you, Ishida-"

"Hey!"

"-so today we will be drawing arches, the angles necessary to make them in bed-"

"HEY!"

"-oh calm down and pull up your virgin knickers Ishida, I'm only kidding. Anyway, get out your notebooks and we'll begin with seeing what all those important old farts

did without any prior mathematical knowledge of design."

The lecture was two hours long and by the time it was done, Genma had thoroughly offended Ishida's sensibilities.

Ishida Genryu was Genma's favourite student in that anything he could blame the students on, he could blame on Ishida. Maybe it was the nerdy glasses or the fact

that Ishida looked like he was probably the next Bill Gates but Genma wanted to be sure the boy remembered him when he was some executive big shot somewhere.

Naruto figured Ishida would hire a hit man to take care of Genma the moment he could afford it.

"Excuse me, sir," Naruto said, getting Genma's attention from staring out the window at where Professor Kurenai was walking. Naruto could appreciate the beauty

there and grudgingly respected Genma's abhorrent worship of her body.

"What's up, kid?"

The rest of the class had rushed out the moment they could, desperate for normalcy.

Sasuke stood behind Naruto, not looking the least bit interested in the conversation but not willing to leave and face the fangirls all by himself.

"We need a patron."

"Ooh...sounds kinky."

"It's for a club," the blond cleared up, sighing.

"Oh, I remember. That bet you kids made, something about offering the greatest sex ever or your money back..."

"It's _dates_, not sex," Naruto replied. "We aren't prostitutes."

"Really?" Genma asked, looking disappointed. "I rather think you'd make a lot more money if you were."

"Er...we'll keep it as a last resort, you know, if this university thing doesn't work out."

"Good, good," Genma nodded, staring intently at the two boys. "It's always important to keep all your options open."

"Ah, yes." Naruto said, holding back a snort. "Anyway, here's our information and the current state of the bet and who's involved."

Genma took the small stack of papers from Naruto and signed where Naruto pointed, before giving Naruto back his own copy.

"Let me know when you need me, then. I've gone to try convince Kurenai to attend jury duty."

"Jury duty?"

"There is a trial in my pants," Genma confided. "And she has been summoned."

As the lecturer strode out the door, Naruto and Sasuke stared at him.

"_He_'s the best we could get?" Sasuke asked.

"I never implied that."

"He didn't even ask any questions."

Naruto sighed. "He probably agreed simply cause Iruka already told him not to. He's special like that."

"He's _special_ all right," Sasuke muttered.

**(I am a book page break. I hate the internet)**

"Where the hell have you two been?" Kiba asked when Naruto and Sasuke entered the 'court room' looking haggard. "Were you having sex? You can give me details if

you want."

Attending moot court had become a sort of tradition for the group and everyone, except for Hinata who had class during lunch, attended the trials.

"No," Sasuke glared at Kiba. "We were too busy dodging fan girls with skirts high enough to advertise and heels that looked like they had some serious boomerang

action in them."

"Oh," Kiba said, sounding disappointed. "My fangirls were all in class."

Naruto patted his head as Ibiki motioned for Sasuke to come forward. Ino had 'volunteered' the Uchiha as judge, sure he would not be bribed like Naruto, even if it was

a fake cheque.

"Where's Sakura?" Naruto asked, watching the way Sasuke's ass moved as he walked toward the front to the judge's seat.

Naruto spotted Gaara standing in the front, smirking at a irritated Ino. The girl had to relax and stop taking school so seriously.

Ino shot Naruto a glare when he waved and he shrunk back into his seat. Kiba chuckled by him.

"She's here as Ino's client."

"And?"

"She's suing..." Kiba sighed. "Actually, I'm not exactly sure _who_ she's suing. It could be the government, the world or everyone who eats cheese snacks. Or

something.."

"Cheese snacks?"

Kiba nodded at the front as Sasuke cleared his throat and spoke, "Let's skip all the nonsense telling me what this case is about and who is legally screwing over who

and get to the opening statements."

Ino nodded and motioned to Sakura who looked troubled and wronged.

"Your honour, in a world where discrimination is rife and not only people but _objects_ are treated differently, there is need to put a stop to all the judging and just

embrace and accept even the smallest of similarities. It is with this just and completely rational thought that my client demands that Buritos be added to the famous

'Ito" food group."

Sasuke looked suitably lost. "The..._Ito_ food group?"

"Yes," Ino nodded. "For years there has been discrimination involved in this very group and we would like to put a stop to it. Is there no justice in our country? That

this-"

"What the hell is an 'Ito group'?" Sasuke asked, frowning.

"Well," Ino said, stepping forward and ignoring Gaara's amused smirk. "It is a group that currently consists of Cheetos, Fritos and Doritos."

Sasuke stared at her for a long, hard moment.

"Bailiff," Sasuke said imperiously, turning to the student dressed like an officer. "Arrest that woman," he waved in Sakura's direction with his gavel. "Court adjourned."

Ino protested loudly. "That's unfair! She-"

"Miss Yamanaka," Sasuke said slowly. "Buritos are in no way delicious corn snacks and will not be allowed into the Ito food group."

"You haven't even heard our case!"

"It's a stupid case. You'd lose."

"You pompous, self-righteous-"

"Arrest her too bailiff," Sasuke ordered.

As the bailiff dragged away an irate Ino and a calm Sakura, Naruto turned to Kiba. "You ever think that maybe we should have taken up law, too?"

Kiba nodded slowly.

Ibiki shot Sasuke a harried glance but motioned for his students to be quiet while he explained that while not all cases would make sense and not all judges would be

as rude as Sasuke... there _would_ be some who'd act exactly like him.

"Maybe I should go into acting," Sasuke smirked as he sat back down by Naruto and ignored the next case which Ibiki was introducing as a domestic one.

"You enjoy role-play then?" The blond teased.

Dark eyes stared intently into blue ones before Sasuke leaned in and licked a slow strip up Naruto's neck. "How about we both pretend to be horny college students

and have wild, steamy sex?"

"YES!"

Everyone turned to stare at Kiba who was standing and blushing furiously from his outburst even as he waved them off saying, "I just...really wanted to know about

this type of case," he cleared his throat. "Thanks Professor Ibiki..."

Sasuke and Naruto chuckled as the eyes went back to face the front and Kiba glared at them.

"Are you _sure_ you're straight?" Sasuke asked Kiba, staring at his crotch as if it would have a gay flag stuck in it as proof.

"I don't know anymore," the boy sighed. "But I think I might be a BL fan boy."

Naruto patted his head soothingly. "Hey, that doesn't mean you like to take it up the ass."

Kiba looked up at him hopefully. "Really? You think so?"

"It's possible."

"Thanks," Kiba hugged him. "You're the best."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned to watch the next case as Gaara cross-examined a witness mercilessly.

"He is really in his element, huh?"

Naruto hummed in answer, also watching his red-haired friend. "He's hot when he's

in lawyer mode."

The blond completely missed the look Sasuke gave him.

"What's this case about?" Naruto asked Kiba.

Kiba chuckled, "Listen."

For the second moot court case, a dark-skinned boy, Naruto vaguely remembered his name being Mugen or something, was apparently suing his boyfriend, Jin, and

being his own lawyer.

"Your honour, my so-called boyfriend lied to me about his sexual prowess prior to our dating. I'm suing him for...false advertising or something."

"Or something?" Ino asked, amused. She had been chosen as the next judge. Sasuke suspected it was just so Ibiki would get her to shut up.

"Yes," Mugen continued hotly. "He managed to fail appallingly to satisfy me during sex."

The other looked infinitely bored and pushed his glasses back up his face.

He was kind of cute, Naruto noted.

Mugen was indignant, apparently quite irritated at Jin's indifference and shouted, "It's like he only keeps me around for the cleaning and the sex!"

Ino glanced at Jin. "Is that true?"

Jin raised an eyebrow at that and said, "Of course not. The sex is awful."

Ino was reprimanded for chuckling at that by Ibiki and the cases continued.

**(I am an American page break. My blood is coffee-flavoured)**

After their afternoon classes, Naruto drove them all to the third year hostels. He left everyone in the car, telling Sasuke he trusted him to make sure they all behaved

themselves.

Gaara had looked amused at Sasuke's indignant expression but Sakura had grinned widely, obviously going to make the time she had with Sasuke as irritating as

possible, a feat Kiba would no doubt help out with.

When they reached the door, Naruto nodded at it and smiled at Ino.

"Here we are," he said triumphantly. "Our newest member."

Ino stared from the door back to Naruto and back to the door.

"You can't be serious."

Naruto gave her an amused look. "Well, I actually meant the person I'm hoping to find beyond the door and not the door itself."

"Ha-bloody-ha," she muttered. "I know who lives here."

Naruto looked surprised. "Really?"

"The date I went on for the dare-"

"You'll have to be more specific."

"The _only_ one," she deadpanned.

Naruto smirked. "I see he left an impression."

Before Ino could smack him, Naruto opened the door, barging in without knocking.

The room was empty. Both beds were neatly made and the computers were off.

"Okay, first, barging in like that is not cool. Second, no one's here so lets go."

"They wouldn't have left their room unlocked if they were gone," Naruto pointed out.

"Then where-"

Naruto motioned at the only other door there and Ino frowned. Before she could leave however, the door swung open and that lazy ass, Chouji's roommate stepped

out from the bathroom with steam billowing out behind him.

He looked mildly surprised to see them but did not seem overly concerned.

His hair was wet and falling about his face and his whole body was dripping. Ino found herself blushing as she noticed he had _abs_ over the towel that was

unfortunately covering his important bits.

Still, while it wasn't like she hadn't seen abs before- hell, she was surrounded by good-looking _fit_ guys but they all seemed so...in her friend box' and were probably all

gay (Kiba especially)- she had stared at them so much they no longer had any effect on her. But this boy...this _man_ was _unbelievably_-

"Can I help you?"

Ino immediately raised her eyes to his face, "Er..."

"Hey Shika."

Shikamaru looked at Naruto and smiled. "Naruto, it's been awhile."

Naruto grinned and moved forward from where he'd been snooping through Shikamaru's stuff.

"Yeah, it has," he stood by Ino. "You met Ino right?"

Shikamaru nodded. "Of course, she was Chouji's date that time."

Ino seemed flattered he still remembered her.

"She was impressively threatening."

Ino frowned at that, huffing silently as Shikamaru grabbed a towel and started to dry his hair. The boy might have had killer abs but he was rude as hell and pretty lazy

if she remembered correctly.

"Where's Chouji?" Ino asked, hopeful that it was the large boy and not his roommate who was necessary for whatever geek activity Naruto needed him for.

"Out," Shikamaru answered simply.

"I need your help," Naruto said plainly, making himself confortable on Shikamaru's bed.

"Hacking into Akatsuki?"

Naruto nodded, looking pleased.

Shikamaru smiled. "No problem, I saw their video of you guys. It was hilarious. I think it went viral last night."

"Lovely," Ino muttered.

Shikamaru smirked. "Anything else?"

"Uh..." Naruto frowned, wondering if he'd forgotten anything.

"We need a new member for an ongoing challenge against Akatsuki," Ino stepped in.

Shikamaru looked at her and smiled, a soft, lazy smile. "Sure, why not?"

Ino smiled triumphantly back and nodded. "Then get dressed and come with us. The others are waiting downstairs."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come down like this? You seem to enjoy conversing with my chest."

Ino blushed brightly and glared at the boy. "I'll be downstairs."

She slammed the door behind her.

Naruto chuckled and watched Shikamaru as the guy dried off and got dressed.

"So...you like Ino, huh?"

Shikamaru snorted as he pulled a shirt over his head. "I don't know the girl."

"And yet, you've bothered speaking to her _and_ even accepted to help."

"Did you _want_ me to refuse?"

"No," Naruto chuckled, following Ino out the room. "But I expected it."

Shikamaru sighed, going after his old friend.

Ino avoided Shikamaru's gaze as he was introduced to everyone and when he smirked at her, she scowled back at him.

They drove back to the house in Ino's SUV and when they got there, Naruto announced that the first order of business was taking naps.

"Then why did you come get me?" Shikamaru asked irritably. "Shouldn't you have napped _first_?"

Naruto gave him a dry look. "Hinata isn't here yet _and_ you enjoy sleeping. I really don't see how this is a problem."

Shikamaru sighed and took a patch of carpet by Naruto while the others all went to their rooms.

**(I am an Australian page break. Crikey!)**

The afternoon had apparently decided to take an unexpected turn by the time they all woke up.

Kiba and Sakura were the first people in the kitchen, wanting to rummage up some late lunch and had stumbled upon the basket placed in the middle of the kitchen

table.

Moving closer to inspect it in case there were goodies, they both froze.

And stayed frozen until everyone else came in and helped stare into the basket.

Only Naruto was missing and they weren't overly concerned by that, all of them being somewhat at a loss as to what to do.

"It's a baby..." Kiba whispered finally.

"And Captain Obvious strikes again..." Sasuke muttered.

Kiba was staring at the baby in the basket like it was the missing link in man's evolution and held the answers to life's greatest questions. It was just a matter of time

before he tied it down and started asking about government cover-ups.

Naruto walked into his kitchen looking unkempt and still half-asleep after the procurement of Shikamaru. It was almost four in the afternoon and he had never been so

glad he had no late afternoon classes on a Wednesday.

He had shuffled groggily into the kitchen, mumbling about food and completely ignoring the group of people huddled around his kitchen table.

He pulled up a seat, picked up a knife and fork and stared at the baby-filled basket on his table.

His friends stared at him, wondering just how sleepy he was and how long it would take for his sleep-muddled brain to process the fact that-_yes_, _indeed_- there was a

baby on his kitchen table, gurgling happily in its little basket.

The blond blinked slowly at the baby, the fork in his hand twitching slightly before he turned to Kiba and said, "Pass me the ketchup."

The silence that followed that sentence greatly resembled the silence that preceded it- at least, until the ringing sound of Naruto being slapped evened it out.

He pressed a hand to his cheek and glared at Sakura, now fully awake, "What the hell?"

She glared right back at him. "There is a baby on your table and you want to _eat_ it?"

"I swear I was gonna offer you some," he grumbled and ducked her next swing. "Look," Naruto bit back a yawn. "I must obviously still be asleep but for some reason,

your slaps still hurt like hell so please stop."

"You'd eat a baby in your _dreams_?" Sakura growled.

Naruto shook his head, backing away from the table and into Hinata who'd been watching the scene while eating a small tub of ice-cream. "I'm awake, aren't I?"

Hinata's solemn nod assured him of that and he turned to Kiba.

"Okay Kiba, who did you knock up?"

"_WHAT_?"

"Don't play dumb. Was it that crazy girl who was obsessed with cabbages?"

"Okay, first, that was in Avatar and it was a _man_," Kiba supplied drily. "And second, I didn't get any girl pregnant."

"You sure?" Ino asked, teasing.

"I'm pretty sure," Kiba deadpanned.

"Impotent?" Gaara smirked.

The baby gurgled cutely before Kiba could strangle Gaara and they all turned back to it.

Shikamaru and Sasuke were watching the baby with suspicion, like it was secretly a spy and would emerge from the basket with bibs of fury and kill them all. Or

something.

They were probably suffering from over-exposure to Kiba.

Gaara was simply staring at it blankly, like he was wont to do and Kiba was now looking at it from a safe distance.

The girls however, were staring at it like it was a sign that they must all procreate soon. Even Hinata put down her icecream to come closer and coo at the baby.

"He's so cute," Sakura sighed when the baby made a high pitched cry.

"Mm, yes," Naruto said, stifling a yawn. "Can it go be cute somewhere else? I'm hungry."

At Sakura's glare, he relented and smiled charmingly. "Okay, okay...so where did the baby come from?"

Gaara smirked. "You see Naruto, when a man and a woman love each other very much-"

"Or are just really horny-" Kiba added with a grin.

"Don't go into that, there's a kid in the room," Ino admonished.

"Which means no swearing," Sakura added, pointedly staring at Kiba who put his hands up in a peace gesture.

"So where's it from?" Naruto asked.

"First," Hinata answered. "_He_'s a boy and second," She held up a plain black card with red clouds on it. "Akatsuki."

"Oh my gosh, they're human traffickers!" Kiba hissed.

"Hardly likely," Sakura said after smacking him. "Does anyone other than Kiba think they have something intelligent to say?"

"What do we do with the kid?" Gaara asked, not souding overly concerned. "It's a problem having him around, even if we _do_ know he belongs to Akatsuki."

Sasuke took a step back from the table. "I would suggest the judicious use of violence or sex. And if those don't work, just throw money at the problem."

Naruto snorted, "I doubt the baby will be bribed. Or spanked. And sex may just create _another_ little problem."

"I had no idea you had a vagina."

"Listen you-"

"Quiet down," Sakura huffed.

The knock on the door and subsequent opening made Naruto look at Kiba. he was the only one who didn't understand the point of waiting for someone to tell him to

enter.

When he was sure that Kiba was indeed standing there, he looked at the figure that appeared in his doorway with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Who is _that_?" Ino asked, eyeing the guy shamelessly.

The man had long red hair and had it tied back lazily. He had dark brown eyes and a toned, _fit_ body, clothed simply in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt.

Naruto smiled and walked toward him, "Kyuubi, what are you-"

The sexy redhead grabbed his little brother and gave him a crushing hug.

"Hey kid," he greeted. "How ya been?"

Naruto struggled out of his brother's embrace. "Pretty good actually. Now, what are you doing here?"

"Came to get little Kira over there," Kyuubi answered, walking to the table and taking the basketed baby. "I swear Konan plays these forced babysitting tricks for

sport."

"A woman left her baby here _on_ _purpose_?" Kiba asked incredulously.

The girls were too busy ogling the man to add in anything and even Sasuke seemed pretty lost for words. Shikamaru was leaning against the counter and had

apparently fallen asleep while standing up.

Kyuubi nodded. "Yeah, she needed to go on a date with her husband and decided she'd make you guys babysit as part of a bogus challenge."

Naruto, Kiba and Gaara all suddenly scowled at Kyuubi.

"_Challenge_?" Naruto asked, his voice dangerously low.

Kyuubi nodded, backing away and holding the baby in front of him like a shield. "I'll just be going now."

"You utter bastard!" Naruto yelled. "You're in Akatsuki too?"

Kyuubi winked as he practically bolted out the door with the baby and basket in his arms. "See you later, little brother!"

"I'm going to kill him," Gaara stated, picking up a knife and staring at the door.

"No," Naruto said, looking affronted. "He's _my_ brother. I get to kill him first."

Kiba stared at the girls who were still catatonic and sighed.  
"He's gone ladies. You can stop trying to rape him with your minds."

Sakura blinked and turned to Naruto. "All I can say about your brother..._Damn_."

"I'd give up food to have him for just one night," Hinata said with a sigh.

"I can _not_ believe I've never met him befotre," Ino frowned, before grabbing Naruto and shaking him furiously. "You were hiding your extremely hot brother from me! Is

there any other devastatingly gorgeous family member I should know about? HUH?"

Naruto smiled uneasily. "Uh...women say my dad's pretty hot."

"He still married to your mom?"

"Yes," the boy deadpanned.

"Shame."

Ino let him go and composed herself.

Naruto turned to Sasuke, the only one- apart from Shikamaru- who hadn't made any comment on Kyuubi.

"Your brother is really hot," Sasuke said matter-of-factedly.

So much for that.

Naruto scowled at him. "Yeah, so I've heard."

Sasuke smirked and walked passed Naruto, pausing long enough to whisper, "You're way hotter."

Naruto shivered slightly at the warm breath on his ear and held back a smile.

Kiba tried to kick Shikamaru awake only to have his leg caught and thrown. Sakura pointed and laughed while the others all started making sandwiches with Sasuke

doing nothing as he sat by an equally useless Shikamaru on the counter.

Naruto chuckled as he watched the crazy people in his kitchen.

**(I am a Victorian double entendre page break. Call me Master Bates)**

It took all of twenty minutes with Shikamaru and Gaara for Naruto to finally obtain all the information he could on Akatsuki, including members, personalities, dreams,

whether they were democrats or republicans, what the planned to have for dinner that day and even whether they were for harry potter or lord of the rings.

A triumphant group of people sat on the carpeted floor of Naruto's living room, listening and passing commentary as Naruto read the Facebook profiles of the twelve

members of Akatsuki:

**(1) Name: Pein Master***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Piercings expert. Exhume specialist. Husband.

**Likes**: pain. *the kinky bastard*

**Dislikes**: war.

**Favourite music**: Rock and roll (quoted often as saying: "not that 'rock' crap these children listen to , Nickelback, my ass. Yes, I'd like my nickel back so I can buy some *

real music").

**Favourite books: **Misery, Paradise Lost**  
**

**Favourite movie:** Judge Dread.

**Favourite quote**: Sure I can pierce that, too.

**Profile written by**: Sasori

No comments offered by Pein. He's busy plotting evil.

**(2) Name: Konan Master***

**Occupation**: Businesswoman. Working mother. Origami-ist. Master of the paper plane. Wife.

**Likes**: puppies, rainbows, sunshine.

**Dislikes**: puppies, rainbows, sunshine.  
**Favourite music: **opera**.  
**

**Favourite book**: Eat, pray, love. *Then Eat again.*

**Favourite movie:** I don't know how she does it.

**Favourite quote**: Paper beats rock.

**Profile written by:** Kisame

No comments offered by Konan. She flushed his pet fish instead.

**(3) Name: Itachi EvilGuy***

**Occupation:** Businessman. Devil's advocate on weekends.

**Likes:** torturing Sasuke. blonds.

**Dislikes:** not torturing Sasuke.

**Favourite music**: Country, reggae, Barney-sing-a-longs...

**Favourite books**: How to be Evil, volume I and The secret to World Domination.

**Favourite movie**: The devil's advocate.

**Favourite quote**: Your soul is mine.

**Profile written by**: Hana

**Comment by Itachi:** "I could kill Kiba as revenge for this..."

**(4) Name: Kyuubi Sexgod***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Demon (in the sack.)

**Likes:** sex. coitus. copulation. coupling. mating. intercourse. extracourse. Golf course. course.

**Dislikes**: not getting any.

**Favourite song**: Sexual healing.

**Favourite movie**: Porn.

**Favourite books**: Sex and where to find it.

**Favourite quote(s):** Harder. Faster. More. Don't stop.

Profile by Kyuubi.

Comment by Kyuubi.

**(5) Name: Hana ThatGirl***

**Occupation**: Veterinarian.

**Likes**: animals, family, the world.

**Dislikes**: Kyuubi.

**Favourite music**: Anything by Mozart.

**Favourite book**: See Spot Run.

**favourite movie**: Cats and dogs.

**Favourite quote**: All dogs go to heaven. except for Kyuubi. that bastard.

**Profile written by**: Orochimaru

No comments by Hana. She slapped him instead.

**(6) Name: Kisame Trout***  
**Occupation**: Businessman.

**Likes**: sushi, big ass swords

**Dislikes**: fish jokes.

**Favourite** **music**: Fish me (that's not even a real song, Deidara!)

**Favourite movie:** Shark bait, Finding Nemo *and eating him*

**Favourite book**: The Great White.

**Favourite quote**: Give a man a fish and he's fed for a day. Teach him how to fish and he goes overboard, gets bitten by a toxic fish and becomes a fish-powered super

hero! (you suck. I'm going to enjoy killing you)

**Profile written by**: Deidara

Comments in brackets by Kisame

**(7) Name: Deidara Henna***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Bomb specialist.

**Likes**: hair care. being a transvestite. (screw you, Itachi)

**Dislikes**: admitting his hair is actually an extension. (this is my real hair, asshole)

**Favourite song:** Whip my hair.

**Favourite books**: Rapunzel. (Oh, ha ha)

**Favourite movie:** Transformers, all war movies

**Favourite quote:** No, I will not let down my hair! Use the stairs! And this is my REAL hair! *In reply to: Deidara, deidara, let down your weave!"* (pfft, you just wish

your hair was as luxurious as mine)

**Profile written by:** Itachi

Comments in brackets by Deidara

**(8) Name: Tobi GoodBoy***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Mind Reader.

**Likes**: being annoying. (aw, you noticed...)

**Dislikes**: having a life. (harsh)

**Favourite music**: techno.

**Favourite books:** I can't read. (Bloody funny Hidan)

**Favourite movie:** Forrest Gump (you're seriously pushing it...)

**Favourite quote**: Tobi is a good boy. ( I said that ONCE! and I was drunk!)

**Profile** **written by:** Hidan

Comments in brackets by Tobi

**(9) Name: Hidan Nutter***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Acupuncturist. Masochist. Sadist. Misogynist. HateManKind-ist.

**Likes**: Zombies. Pain. Sharp, pointy things. Evil voodoo rituals. Swearing.

**Dislikes**: Not being a dick.

**Favourite music**: Chanting.

**Favourite book**: The World's Greatest Serial Killers.

**favourite movie**: All zombie movies.

**Favourite quote**: Fuck you.

**Profile written by: **Konan**.  
**

**Hidan's comments on the above profile**: "Fuck you, Konan."

**(10) Name: Sasori Sand***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Puppeteer.

**Likes**: playing with dolls. (they are puppets, you imbecile)

**Dislikes**: sharing his dolls (I don't want you fapping with them, you pervert)

**Favourite music**: Jazz.

**Favourite books**: pinnochio (thought real hard on that one, did you Kakuzu?)

**Favourite movie:** The sound of music.

**Favourite quote:** I want to be a real boy.

**Profile written by**: Kakuzu

Comments in brackets by Sasori

**(11) Name: Kakuzu MoneyBucks***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Heart surgeon.

**Likes**: money.

**Dislikes**: paying for shit.

**Favourite music**: The sound of coins jiggling together in his pockets.

**Favourite book:** The Grinch who saved christmas.

**Favourite movie**: Slumdog millionaire.

**Favourite quote:** Pay up.

**Profile written by**: Pein

**Kakuzu's comments on the above profile:** "Screw you, Pein. And you owe my five dollars."

**(12) Name: Orochimaru SnakeDude***

**Occupation**: Businessman. Snake rearer. Doctor. Parselmouth.

**Likes:** Little boys.

**Dislikes**: Sexual partners his own age. Protective parents who don't leave him with their sons.

**Favourite music**: Hissing.

**Favourite movie:** Snakes on a plane.

**Favourite book:** Arabian nights.

**Favourite quote**: Psst...oi! Little boy, over here!

**Profile written by:** Tobi

**Orochimaru's comments on the above profile**: "You are my next specimen, Tobi."

_***Real last names have been withheld because we are bastards like that.**_

**(I am the lonely island page break. I threw it on the ground!)**

"So what do we do next?" Ino asked, stifling a yawn when they were done reading what she thought were some pretty retarded profiles.

"I thought you needed to have nine members..." Shikamaru stated.

"Yeah, so?"

"So shouldn't you be finding your last member?"

Ino blushed at his matter-of-fact tone and stretched out on the carpet next to Gaara. "I suppose. But we don't know what kind of person to look for or if we can just

grab anyone."

"I don't think it matters," Naruto said. "Besides, I'm still stuck on the fact that two of my family members are in Akatsuki."

"You're not the only one," Sasuke muttered, thinking about his evil brother and equally evil, but mostly annoying cousin, Tobi.

Kiba, on the other hand, was impressed by the confirmation that his sister was in the group responsible for their current situation.

Shikamaru yawned loudly. "I think we should get someone who can help get back at each of them. That's the next part of the challenge, isn't it? Getting back at them?"

"Yes," Naruto grinned. "I know just the guy!"

"Who?" the others asked warily.

"Neji!"

"You're kidding," Hinata deadpanned.

"Remember all those pranks he pulled on your seniors in your first year at K.T to get back at them for their hazing?" he asked Hinata.

Hinata paused, actually considering it.

Sasuke smiled slowly. "Those _were_ some pretty good pranks."

Hinata chuckled. "I can't believe I forgot about those."

"Maybe it was because Neji became a horny bugger after that," Naruto offered. "But still, when he holds a grudge, he does it with style."

"Wait," Sasuke turned to Naruto. "How did you know about Neji's stunts?"

Naruto gave him a funny look. "Neji, Hinata and me go way back. We were once neighbours, actually."

Sasuke stared. "I don't remember ever meeting you."

"And I don't remember ever meeting you either," Naruto said with a laugh. "But maybe that's because we _never_ _met_. I remember Neji mentioning you once or twice but

other than that... And there's also the fact that I remember Itachi being friends with my brother."

"All these connections and yet we've never met," Sasuke mumbled, staring at Naruto.

The blond gave him a lazy smile. "Maybe if we'd met earlier..."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that.

Naruto leaned forwards and-

"We're still in the room, guys," Sakura said with a sigh.

Kiba swore under his breath. "Here's a suggestion, Sakura. Maybe next time, you should just _look_ _away_."

"Are you _sure_ you're straight?" Sakura scoffed, rolling her eyes at the boy.

Kiba sneered at her. "No Pinkie, you don't do it for me."

Before Sakura could slap him silly, Shikamaru coughed and stood. "I'm headed back to my hostel. Chouji's probably wondering where I am."

Naruto nodded and stood, winking at Sasuke before turning back to Shikamaru. "I'll give you a ride back."

**(I am a yaoi page break. I like lemons and lime)**

The next day, Neji stared at his room mate and at the seven people behind him, five of them trying for the puppy-dog eye and two looking unconcerned.

"You're kidding."

"Come on, Neji," Sasuke sighed. "Do it for the hair care products."

"No thanks."

Naruto, seeing Sasuke was failing appallingly at convincing Neji, stepped forward.

"How about we also include you in our dating agency bet."

Neji raised an eyebrow at that, a sign for Naruto to keep talking.

Naruto grinned, stepping closer to Neji and whispering in his ear.

Neji's eyes widened and after a moment, when the blond stood back, he nodded. "Alright, I'll join you."

Naruto was careful not to look back at his friends or at Sasuke, lest he give away any signs that he'd just offered to help Neji to get his best friend's ass for a dare.

Gaara was going to _kill_ him.

Oh well.

Gaara needed to get laid anyway.

And if girls weren't doing it for him, maybe...

"So...where to?"

All their classes were done and the only reason all of them were in Sasuke's room was so they could tie Neji up if he refused and carry him out as an unwilling member.

Ino hid the rope behind her as Naruto and Sasuke led Neji out of the room.

They were ready.

**( I am an end of chapter page break. Kiss me)**

**A**/**N****: Shorter than usual, so sue me. (I'm broke. HA!)  
**

**For those concerned that I've been ignoring the dates, I apologise if it seems that way, I haven't. Sasuke and Hinata however, are judges only and will not date **

**for the KDA bet unless drastic action calls for it. Which isn't to say they will not dare-date for any other reason *mysterious smirk*.  
**

**Also, yeah sure, I mentioned a thousand dates but COME ON! That's a thousand chapters you want from me? Are you nuts? Don't you see me failing to update **

**under twenty chapters? *laughs hysterically* thousand dates, my ass...  
**

**I'll put up the dates if I think up any awesome ones...otherwise you'll just be reading about them doing boring stuff, like on normal dates...not that normal dates **

**are boring...(even though they are... Okay, no, it depends on the company)**

**ss-ss-ss-ss**

**Review reply**

Sighcoe: I'm glad. I hope this one made you smile as well. KibaXShion, huh? There's an idea...

kikyotwosoul: Do I love you? Hehe *awkward pause* Um...sure... Motherload lemon? LOL, if I can actually manage to write a good one. I never like any of the lemony

scenes I write. I *will finish this fic. eventually.

Kaila Azroth: Neji will die if he cops a feel from Gaara right now XD Your inner horny is a force to be reckoned with. Er...*small voice* please don't rape me.

Charlie Uzumaki: I'm glad you like them. Marvel comics should really look into creating them, don't you think?

Kiyomi-Chan7: Good guess XD Er...I updated, so that's something right?

Mrs. UchihaUzumaki: Haha, sorry no. Though I did consider Sai :D

Lady Kinght Keladry: Don't worry, I haven't actually forgotten about the original dare (the dates) and they will continue...along with the Akatsuki challenge (I'll make it work, haha). Although, to be fair, this is only the second week since the dare happened and the weekend is coming up so yeah...

KyuuKitsunex3: hooray! Thanks so much :D

Daisy Holden: Congratulations on mentioning most of the Akatsuki members even though i asked for the Konoha guys, LOL!

Izzy: Hey, you have the same name as my iPod! *author is so lame she names all her gadgets* I have so updated in ages! *pouts* Haha, nice guess but sorry. i have other plans for Shino *wink*

harry-styles-is-my-dad: First, who'd harry styles? Hehe...second, I am very happy I figured it out as well XD We enjoy torturing you readers. duh. THANKYOU SMARTCAT!

NarutoForever: CORRECT!

kittyperfect: You got it right...ish. No Shion! And that was three guesses, ya cheater! Haha :P

: Nope. But Neji was right :) Thank you. I love Jinata like this, too XD I don't mind, knock yourself out. Yes, yes she is. Will do :)

Sasukeluver: UNDERAGE! I'm gonna get arrested for yaoi-philia or something... Oh well.

xSasuNaruYaoix: Thank you! Pissing yourself *twice very chapter? A new record! I'm impressed.

kittyA192: They *do need their own tv show, don't they? haha, thanks and you are welcome XD I'm too lazy to make them bring back his furniture! Even in my writing, I'm a bum. I enjoy writing the law bits. the cue cards are fun, too. My Kiba loves you too.

ThyRosexThorns: I hate staring forlornly at missing "next" buttons. And it's weird how I just keep staring even though I'm not staring at anything cause they are missing... Does that mean I have super powers? Kiba is probably a closet everything, haha.  
Maybe if you're lucky I'll put in a chapter about how they saved people. Or make it a oneshot when I'm done with the fic, haha! Wrong guess! I hope my insanely diabolical mind continues to impress you.

Lixam Yukimura: *spasm* thanks... You'd probably lose with Ino...I'm jus saying... Gaara has never lost a case, though.

Chaoschaser01: Thankyou, sorry for the long wait... (long for you, not for me) Ooh, sorry, no Shino.

Calxes Ayrie: I think this story may actually love you...haha, yeah, the summary does seem kind of dull so I'll have to think up something better. Any ideas? Glad you were bored, though XD

Leila Tasuki: Nope! *evil laughter* haha, this is a yaoi fic, your reviews are probably *expected to be so much, for all those reviews.

Byakko Kitsunetsuki: YAY! LOVE! thank you! hope you came back to life...

Crowfether: damn that was a lot of OMGs...I'm not letting this fic go, no worries.

Darkangelus: I will :3

victimofmywoes: Ooh, I approve of shameless giggles *gives you thumbs up* i lack angst? Me? Akatsuki will always be evil...deliciously so. Too many guesses, disqualified! *zaps you*

AuphePuck girl: tell your neighbours to stuff it (if they aren't the violent type). Maybe Betsy was off rescuing cars somewhere. You never know. I will keep bloody writing!

14: and there i was thinking you were drawer 13... YESSS! CORRECT!

The White Order: Damn, I really haven't updated in ages, huh? Haha, so you like my story, huh? :3 I'm glad you liked the fic so much, I enjoyed reading your review XD *bows*

The Black Order: YAY! Ah yes, the cockblocker, a fangirl's worst enemy *nods seriously* haha, you got it WRONG! But I've got something special planned for Sai (don't tell the others).

poisonpensumi: Good, I had no idea you were down...should I suggest prozac and my consultation bill?

Apocalyptic Cake: Damn, that must be some pretty awesome cake. The ninja was obviously in the loo. You should have waited a little longer. I hope you ate that sad piece of toast. No point wasting good toast, its emotions be damned. The cards are MINE! *looks at your wallet* um, its empty. *glares at you from the ground* I swear, one day, a fangirl glomp might kill me.

Kyas179: They might *Shhh!*

subarashiitosuto: thanks, that's what I was going for, hard laughter. Oh, Shikamaru can bother, with just the right amount of incentive.

Rei Uta: Yes, I did and I am! Teachers *are evil, aren't they? HA! Button 2 is on vacation. Would you like anything else?

narutofweak: Ah yes, fighting crime while looking like a moron... it certainly comes in handy... I mean, look at Batman. No, sorry. The universal remote works by *mumble mumble* I get it all on eBay :D They're on special to lazy authors, like myself. Your last idea actually gave me an awesome idea for a chapter so thank you for that! Even though you were just asking a question, I was pummelled mercilessly by a plot bunny until I begged for mercy...and decided to incorporate it into the fic. I hope you recognise it when it appears...

luvablekrazaechild101: THANKS SO MUCH!

OhSnapSasuke: Itachi *is pretty awesome... YES! CORRECT!

Eiri-Shuichi: Thanks, hopefully I can.

MizukiMiyako: haha, you perv! Questions will be answered...*consults crystal ball*...eventually.

mochiusagi: Nope, sorry. Because Sakura is a cockblocker. It's what she does.

sox mix: Nice way to order me around *pouts* And you're welcome.

wakawaka22: Yes, yes he is XD

YamiPimpster: I aim to please =3 thanks so much. Still love Ino?

book hippie: The hospital said I must place separate insurance on each of the buttons. You think they might be ripping me off? Watermelon means grinding? REALLY? *sees I wrote it* Oh...uh...yes? hooray for weird compliments.

BurnLikeAFlame: thanks, I'll try ever so hard *evil grin*

Nanami Of Falling Snow: Mhmm...I hope so.

chocolate-strawberry-leaf: Sakura was actually a big help in saving the day... Evil Sasuke! Why can't he just bang Naruto! HUH? *realises I could make em do just that* Hm...

Lunarious1000: I *did update quickly, didn't I? *happy* Well, I'll assume you mean your sister missed. It's not like Tenten has great aim. Doesn't she just throw knives around all willy-nilly?WRONG! BWAHAHA-cough, sputter, choke...HA!

raj: CORRECT! and I dunno why Sakura is being so anti-lemon...*sigh*

kanazerosukenaru: CORRECT! There's a cockblocker award! I demand that it be MINE!

popette: aww...poor tummy *gives arsenic* drink this and you'll never have a tummy ache again. Promise. Haha, thanks for the review =3

smart cat: CORRECT! Also, THANKYOUUU!

Corrupted Charlie: Wrong *hands over lolly pop as compensation*

Kono-kun: No. thanks for lé reviews (notice my awesome french).

Mystique Monique aka Mina: Yeah...I love Kiba too.

Shiro Sakka: My awesomeness is awesomer(ier) than yours! I'll see if I can put that in for you... fingers crossed.

xXxXxRoxasFanGirlxXxXx: Oooh, no. Cockblocking powers are great and terrible powers and need proper responsibility, like Sakura has. Haha, I'm glad. That's what I was going for...

wishing-conscious: Thank you.

runoutofaname: Thanks, glad you liked it.

Juura99: Randomical is so not a cool super hero name. But your powers are great, I bow before your random reviews. The Laptop of youth? You stole Lee's laptop, didn't you? I'm loving the potato sack outfit (hobo chic, very nice). The crowd really hates Sakura huh? *stares at crowd holding nukes with Sakura's face on them* of course, I'm just guessing at that... The sheer moronic idea that is that band...*sigh* you're right, with all the idiots around, it would probably work. I'll go grab my musical brick. Um...*backing away from you* please put your pants back on, their genius is leaking. Maybe you went overboard at the genius-purchase store? That was a cricket, not a frog. And you stepped on it.

dashllee: Yes! Making people laugh is just one more step on my step-ladder to world domina- er...I mean...happiness and fun.

**ss-sss-ss-ss-s-sss-sss...**

**For the flogging of this lazy author, press 1  
**

**For a tshirt saying 'I read this chapter and all I got from the lazy author was this lousy tshirt', press 2  
**

**For projectile missiles to aim at this lazy author, and world domination, press Q  
**

**-ss-ss0ss**

**For 'why the hell don't the above buttons ever work?' and 'I'm suing your lazy author ass for false advertising and a lack of world domination', click the review **

**button below and leave a message. My lawyers will get back to you with their counter-suing powers. **


End file.
